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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

270 replies

Mollymoo78 · 27/10/2016 00:08

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
FaithAscending · 27/10/2016 00:11

No, I'm in a similar position. I barely keep on top of things working PT and the house is a tip after I've done my days. Financially the cost of more childcare would mean it's hardly worth me doing the extra hours anyway. Hey, ultimately it's your choice! They have no right to question your decision!

Original poster
Mollymoo78 · 27/10/2016 00:13

They say I have it easy there but it doesn't feel easy, I feel mentally and physically drained after one day there.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 27/10/2016 00:13

Of course it isn't.
They are no doubt jealous as PT work is seen as being 'the ideal' for many people, particularly those with family.
Any comments, just remind them that it does come with a smaller salary too, but that they are also entitled to work PT if they want to.

Notfastjustfurious · 27/10/2016 00:13

Absolutely not bu. How dare they pass comment on your work pattern. Wtf has it got to do with them exactly? If the nursery need more staff they can hire someone, it's not down to you to pick up the hours.

I'm part time just now but the thought of returning to my current post full time when the dcs start school fills me with dread, I have a home to run and a life too.

SpookyMooky · 27/10/2016 00:30

I don't think PT is a necessity. If I had to work FT then I'd have to. I do think I'm lucky to have the choice.

However you'd be mad to even consider giving up something that works so well for you and your family just because you feel your work colleagues judge you for it. You don't owe them FT labour. Let them judge away, there are plenty of other ways the manager can cover the extra shifts. It doesn't matter if PT is a necessity or luxury, you don't owe it to your colleagues to go FT either way.

stella23 · 27/10/2016 00:34

I think you do what you have to do for your family and financial situation, whilst I could earn much more ft I'd spend so much more on childcare so pt working means I take more money home as the childcare is much less

Largemelons · 27/10/2016 00:34

I work 3 days a week with overtime always on offer if I want it. People occasionally make sarky comments but it's all in jest and they admit they're jealous. It's very difficult the get part time where I am but I was very lucky that someone wanted a job share and they were desperate to keep this person :)

Nobody's business at all! I'd struggle massively working full time and I feel I have a good balance this way.

Beebeeeight · 27/10/2016 00:35

Sounds to me like your DCs father isn't pulling his weight.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/10/2016 00:36

I work pt 3 days a week. With small DC aged 2 and 4, I feel so lucky to have time with them and continue with my career at the same time. I worked full time until DD2 was born. Now that I work pt, I wouldn't want to go back to ft, but I do think it's a luxury. It still annoys me when people assume one parent (usually female) must only be working part time. For many people, working full time is a financial must, or it works better for them to be full time - whatever.

You shouldn't feel any pressure to change your working hours - it's none's business!

VimFuego101 · 27/10/2016 00:37

I work full time because I have no choice, but if I could work part time I'd do it in a heartbeat. I feel like the house is always messy, never spend enough time with DS, always feel like I could do more with his homework... If you have a job that allows you to work part time and you can afford to do it, then hang on to it with both hands and ignore what anybody else says.

holidaysaregreat · 27/10/2016 00:37

YANBU - you get to decide! If having the days means you can catch up on housework/shopping/sorting bills out/have the odd moment to relax then why wouldn't you? Somebody needs to take that stuff on at home & in an ideal world it can get done in the week rather than weekends.

HopefulHamster · 27/10/2016 00:46

My colleagues always make jokes about me being a 'part-timer' said in a voice that suggests I'm a skiver. I don't get it. I get paid much less as a result. If they wanted to work part-time I'm sure they could make an argument for it. They're just jealous of the 'free time' (which it isn't when you have children anyway), without thinking about losing the income to go with it. Ignore them and do what's right for you.

Babyroobs · 27/10/2016 00:51

I work 3 days a week and it is a good balance. I have 4 kids and even though they are mainly teenagers now there is still a lot to do in the house and after school activities/ parents evenings/ hospital appointments/ energetic dog to walk etc. I tried going up to 4 days earlier this year as I felt I should but it was a disater and luckily my employers let me drop down again. I prefer to stick at 3 and overtime is always available if we need extra money or if I don't have much going on.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/10/2016 00:52

A necessity? Certainly not. A luxury? Not that either. It's simply what works for that person.

I worked full time from the time my sons were babies, if I could have worked part time I would have, but it just wasn't feasible in our situation. I never felt 'overwhelmed' with work/home life. We found our 'groove' and at times it was hectic, but never anything we couldn't handle together.

If you feel overwhelmed working part time, I suggest you take a look at your partner's contribution to your home-life. One thing I've found with SAHP returning to the workplace is that for whatever reason, the household duties never get rearranged into a more equitable share and share alike.

But any way you look at it, your coworkers need to mind their own business.

MistressDeeCee · 27/10/2016 01:12

I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable

Thats more than enough of a reason not to take on full-time hours, and its nothing to do with anybody else whatsoever. If it wasn't acceptable for your role to be part-time then you wouldn't have been offered or allowed to take up a part-time position in the first place, so thats that! Don't justify yourself to anybody they need to wind their necks in and mind their own business

After I had DDs I went 4 days a week and then when that felt like too much I did jobshare which was 2 1/2 days per week. Full-time & almost full-time felt too much for me in terms of life quality and being a mum. In line with what pp's have said my house was a mess, Im not a neat freak but beyond a certain level of untidiness stresses me out. & apart from being a mum I still needed to be me even if that was going to a class/gym and putting DDs in creche alongside. So I did what suited best

Judgey people are everywhere - when I went jobshare and then eventually left to become self-employed I found out that all sorts was said about me. Personally I didn't care less and felt sorry for them that they could be that bothered about what hours I worked in comparison to them - says a lot about people's own wishes and perhaps unhappiness re work/life, they want you to be in it with them. No thanks

Sceptimum · 27/10/2016 01:14

You know what works for you and yours best, sod the begrudgers. I work a 4 day week, and it is the only thing keeping me sane and the house is reasonable shape - we have a lot of other commitments to family and friends that work don't know about as well.
Do you work well on the days you are there and try and be helpful with scheduling etc for other people's emergencies? Because that is what they can ask from you. Any more than that is none of their business.

oldlaundbooth · 27/10/2016 01:18

Pffft.

I bet that you really work full time anyway, the two days you are home you'll probably be cleaning /cooking /running around so it's hardly just 'you' time.

CheerfulYank · 27/10/2016 01:33

No it's not a necessity.

It's nice though. :) I childmind 3-4 days a week right now and am going to expand into another building which will be open five days. I'm going to get staff though because I will "need" one day off. I would work the five days if I had to (and probably will have to in the beginning) but I'm a much nicer person when I don't.

Kiwiinkits · 27/10/2016 01:51

Do what you need to do to protect your sanity and family life. Ignore everyone else. It's none of their business. They can go PT too if they like.

Ilovecharliecat · 27/10/2016 01:59

Ive worked PT since DS1 was born and he's just gone to uni, I could have increased my hours about 8 years ago but EX-H has never taken time off to look after DSs during school hols so it always fell back on me, he would leave DSs with is parents (in their 70s) I'd rather them be with me as he couldn't be 'bothered' I'd love to work FT now, unfortunately the time has passed as my manager has given up on me (asked in the past and I've turned it down) but hey ho, I know I've been there in the past for my DSs, done the days out etc and eventually I'll get my FT job

Chottie · 27/10/2016 02:03

Ignore these negative comments. I sense a little green eyed monster lurking in the background. Your decision, your choice.

Why are you worried about other people's comments? Nod and smile, nod and smile..... And.Ignore.

p.s. I changed from full time to 0.5 and I can't tell you how much better the quality of my life is...... :)

manicinsomniac · 27/10/2016 02:36

YANBU that it's totally up to you how much you work and how you make your career and family life work for you.

YABU that pt is the necessity and full time the luxury though. It probably is for some people in some circumstances but the opposite is just as often, if not more, true. I'm a single parent of 3 children - full time work is an absolute necessity. A 4 or 5 day week would be my ideal and a definite luxury.

Your choices don't make you lazy though. I get 17 weeks holiday every year!! Swings and roundabouts.

Original poster
Mollymoo78 · 27/10/2016 06:25

Sorry I didn't mean to imply full time was a luxury!! When I say part time is a necessity I mean for me and my sanity not generally for everyone.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 27/10/2016 06:29

I think you are overstating it a bit to say it's a necessity. It's a valid choice if you are prepared to deal with less money. Just make sure you don't moan about not having more money at work

user1471494124 · 27/10/2016 06:31

YANBU. You get paid for working part time hours, what's their issue?

If I didn't work part time, there's no way I could cope with the extra childcare needed running the house, etc. I do extra work exam marking a couple of times a year to top up finances to make working part time work for us.