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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

270 replies

Mollymoo78 · 27/10/2016 00:08

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
popcornpaws · 27/10/2016 17:16

Do what works for you, who cares what your colleagues say, they don't live your life!
I work three days a week, my DD stays in a different city for uni so on paper i "should" be working full time but do you know what, i don't want to!
I love my four days off, plenty time to do what i want when i want and i never feel i need to justify myself to anyone.

StealthPolarBear · 27/10/2016 18:53

"
I work 2 days a week, and yes I get the wave of resentment from certain full time colleagues. Scratch the surface and it's jealousy beneath.
Day 1 - clean the house
Day 2 - laundry
Day 3 - misc admin, tidying, DIY"

But full time workers do that stuff too!!

Op you say your dh pulls his weight. Does he too get stressed about a huge ironing basket or a dirty house?

Munstermonchgirl · 27/10/2016 19:00

why would anyone be jealous of someone who earns part time wages and then spends 3 days a week doing laundry and housework? Genuinely confused here!

Mindtrope · 27/10/2016 19:23

Because it's not actually 3 days of housework.
I work part time, I spend some time doing housework, but a lot of time doing other things which are good for me. Going to the gym, walks, meeting friends, pottering in the garden, creating stuff, taking photographs etc.

Munstermonchgirl · 27/10/2016 19:24

No, I was responding to the poster quoted by stealth.

EvieSparkles0x · 27/10/2016 21:27

Just a little tl;dr - bottom line of the long post below is even though it feels like a luxury to have the extra time free, it also wouldn't be financially beneficial to work full time for me (at least for now) so also a necessity :)

Sorry I haven't read the other comments, but I'd just like to say YADNBU. I have a thirteen month old and have returned to my office job just last month. I do 3 days a week and wouldn't be able to do more, I would miss her way too much and my life would be just one long tired blur; I'd feel like I was really missing out on those short lived early years, and I like time to myself as well.

We're lucky enough to be in a position for a) me to be able to work part time and b) to have at least one of us at home with DD all week. This will change when she is between 18 months - 2 year but again we are lucky enough to have a choice in doing this.

Saying that, I don't think it's a luxury to work part time as opposed to a necessity. We would not be any better off with me working full time, in fact with the extra costs of those 2 days at work we would probably be slightly worse off, especially as it would put us above the tax credit threshold. Sorry this is so rambling, I've had a long and tiring day with a very perky toddler! :D

OlennasWimple · 28/10/2016 00:37

I think in an ideal world scenario everyone would work four days a week, but I know that ain't going to happen any time soon (I'd love to see a proper study done on the likely economic effects, weighing up the increased costs of hiring staff and lower salaries against an increase in employment, though).

I second the comment upthread about pension provision - and also ensuring that women working PT have adequate plans in place should their DP not be able to support the household through working FT any longer, whether through divorce, death or disability.

waitingforsomething · 28/10/2016 05:52

I don't know about necessity, but in a household without regular domestic help and more than one child, one parent working part time relieves pressure for the whole family. There is washing, shopping, house admin and countless more things that need to be done, and if it can be done by somebody on a weekday then it frees up the weekend for more time spent with friends and family.
Since having DD1 I worked 4 days per week and DH full time. After DS was born I was on mat leave then took a year out to go abroad with my husband and spend some time with the children (lucky situation to be in). I'm starting work full time in February next year and my DH is going down to 4 days a week so somebody is at home for that one day.
For our family, it is essential.

StealthPolarBear · 28/10/2016 07:57

Why 4, not 3 or 6

Mindtrope · 28/10/2016 07:58

3 days work is optimum for me. Gives enough time to have a relaxed well run home and have time to make sure I look after myself too.

yorkshapudding · 28/10/2016 07:59

I do think that working part time is a luxury actually, but if you choose to do so it's none of your colleagues business and they are very rude to comment on your choices.

I work full time because we can't afford for me to work part time. I like my job but I am always tired, it's a constant struggle to keep on top of housework and I feel guilty for not having more time with DC.
If I had the option of reducing my hours I would do so in a heartbeat and I wouldn't give a shit about what anyone else thought.

Mindtrope · 28/10/2016 08:02

I would make less money if I worked full time. Having a clear headspace and relaxed homelife is essential for me.

pennyspent · 28/10/2016 08:30

Mollymoo, I haven't read the whole thread but my initial reaction is why be content with minimum wage? Go get yourself a part time job somewhere else using whatever career skills you had pre-childbirth! Or develop new ones.

I work 3 short days a week (0.5FTE) on a full time equivalent pay of £46k and wouldn't dream of giving up my part-time hours. It gives me time to do a lot of worthwhile other stuff, including a lot of community volunteering which I find very fulfilling.

pennyspent · 28/10/2016 08:38

p.s. And yes, i do sometimes get asked by my manager if I want to increase my hours, but I say no.

Some people might feel a bit jealous when they see me leaving, but if they expressed it in any kind of negative way then they would be in breach of my employer's Equality and Diversity policy.

MidniteScribbler · 28/10/2016 08:50

People can work whatever hours they want, but if you're part time at work and complaining about how much you have to get done, how tired you are, how you just couldn't cope with a full time job, then don't be surprised when full timers, who are just as busy, just as tired, and have just as much to get done in less time than you, get pissed off at your constant complaining.

Munstermonchgirl · 28/10/2016 09:03

That's a fair point regarding some people midnite.
I have no problem with part time workers (like I say, it's up to their own family set up whether it suits them) And besides, Can all apply for p/t jobs or request part time hours from a f/t job if we so choose.

It's irritating though if they then moan - my particular irritation is the part time workers in my dept who miss our weekly departmental
Meeting as it falls on a non working day, and then either expect a whole verbal run down of what was discussed, rather than logging on and reading their meeting notes. I'm in teaching and the other irritation is if they complain about having split classes on their timetable so they have to get to know a proportionally greater number of children than if they were full time and had classes across the whole week. I mean why request part time work and then complain that you can't get to teach a class for all their lessons?!

Hasten to add, this doesn't apply to all the p-t I know, but there are a few who seem to complain about things which are a direct consequence of their choice

SinisterBumFacedCat · 28/10/2016 09:08

*Day 1 - clean the house
Day 2 - laundry
Day 3 - misc admin, tidying, DIY"

But full time workers do that stuff too!!*

Yes, they do. They also generally have more money than me and are able to pay for childcare, employ cleaners etc. Not that they all do, it's an option. Why are you so offended by my choice stealthpolarbear?

RubyRoseViolet · 28/10/2016 09:09

I know exactly how you feel MollyMoo. I teach little ones and have been part time for several years. I had a health problem some time ago that still causes me issues and I cannot imagine teaching full time again. Not that I want to. I adore the kids but I feel absolutely spent after a day as well. Nearly all my colleagues are part time now too. I'd prefer to do 2 days there and 2days doing something else but I haven't found anything yet. Your colleagues reaction is frustrating and annoying, part time work means part time pay.

AppleAndBlackberry · 28/10/2016 09:11

I work 4 days 9-3 but actually I'd prefer to do 3 like the OP. It works better for my role to be in 4 days though, if not my mental health! We are lucky to be comfortable financially though, if my kids were going hungry or we were going to lose our home I'd work FT like a shot, as I'm sure you all would (disability allowing). Watching Victorian Slum this week, some families were working 80 hour weeks just to eat and pay the rent and that was the kids too.

RubyRoseViolet · 28/10/2016 09:12

That said I do agree you have to be prepared to make things work i.e. Attend meetings etc outside your working days sometimes.

LadyAEIOU · 28/10/2016 09:25

Me and DH were talking about this. We both work 24/7 shift so shouldn't be hard to do childcare between us as odds are one of us is always off.

However to both stay FT we'd each have to do 3x 12 and a half hour shifts and only have one day together which may not be together if it is a day post nights for one of us as day would be for sleeping.

We could easily afford for one of us to do just 25 hours and the plan is for me to do weekends and DH weekdays. Overtime is possible if we wanted a top up.

It does entirely depend on the situation though.

LadyAEIOU · 28/10/2016 09:27

Definitely think childcare doesn't help. It's £55 for 8-6 which is good compared to other nurseries but I probably take £65-70 after tax etc and no nurseries open BH if working. So it doesn't make sense to work for the sake of £20 (this is based on 9-5 aspect of my job).

DancingPenguin1 · 28/10/2016 09:32

Working pt is a luxury I would love to have. It would mean I could have more quality time with my dd as house stuff could be done on my day(s) off leaving weekend for family time. I have a ft high pressure long hour job and do most of the home stuff / child care. I'm paid very well and do love my job but family life suffers and my emotional / mental health. If I could go part time I could spend more time investing in my marriage which is currently not stable and have some time to myself. I never get time for me and am constantly exhausted. I don't have the luxury of that option.

yorkshapudding · 28/10/2016 09:46

They also generally have more money than me and are able to pay for childcare, employ cleaners etc. Not that they all do, it's an option

I don't know why so many people assume that if you work full time you must earn good money and be able to afford extra help. There are plenty of full time jobs with crap pay out there and some of us have no choice but to accept those terms.

Freeda86 · 28/10/2016 10:21

just be honest with your employer, no need to be honest with green eyed colleagues.