To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

[Mollymoo78]

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

Also jobs and people are different. I was working a well paid job last year, it was 4 days, but really I was fitting a ft job into 4 days, I was earning similar money to dh in his ft job, I'm a well trained professional. I found I was parenting and working badly, I was miserable, things got so bad I ended up nearly losing my job, signed off sick and on anti-depressants. I'm now happy working pt. My pt wage is more than some earn ft. I personally think it's really hard for both parents to work ft in 'big' jobs (involving significant working outside 9-5) with small children. But you know each to their own. I get some people have to work long hours, but life isn't fair, why should people who have taken a financial hit for a better quality of life feel bad?

Isn't it in Holland or Denmark, can't remember which but one of those countries that score near the top for 'happiest' country (so way above Britain) where around 70% of working age people work part time? Such a pity that can't be the case here.

I know of a woman, no kids or partner, paid off her mortgage, who decided to go part time in her 40s. Why not? She didn't need the money and had other things she wanted to do. Met with absolute incomprehension by her colleagues. Fair play to her, I say.

It's a double negative. Working more when you're landed with the house and kids too and frazzled. And work more in a job you're not mad about but took because it fits.

I work 30 ish hrs. Add on all the school runs and housework taxi services to clubs etc and that's more than FT. I'd swap with DH any day.

I was just coming on to say that river

Dh would love to go part time but not going to happen

OP! Its up to you and your family what you do if it is better for your mental health and everyone is happy with it

I also agree with faith OPs dh may well be pulling his weight (even though lots dont)

Ps- the other issue id add to my list to consider is- what is pension provision?
Boring issue? - yeap!
But it won't seem boring when you're approaching 60 with years more of work ahead and the prospect of just a shitty state pension at the end

It's not just keeping the house clean it's about being there more for my mum who is a carer for my dad and also I'd like to fit things like exercise in as I'm overweight. At evenings and weekends my time is dedicated to the children. My dh works full time and does his share.

I tried full time hours recently when I covered for a work colleague. I was miserable. Dealing with children fighting and whining all the time is much harder five days a week than three. I had migraines, felt teary and had no energy for my own children. Seeing the house look a tip and the ironing baskets overflowing just stressed me out more. I just know I don't want my life to be like that all the time. I salute those who do it through choice or necessity but for me it's really not right. I guess I feel guilty for not taking every opportunity to get more money and for making things trickier for my employers.

Sounds like you're in the wrong job. Must be awful feeling you're just tolerating 3 days and that 5 days would push you over the brink

I tried full time hours recently when I covered for a work colleague. I was miserable. Dealing with children fighting and whining all the time is much harder five days a week than three. I had migraines, felt teary and had no energy for my own children. Seeing the house look a tip and the ironing baskets overflowing just stressed me out more.

I don't think it is normal to feel like this for a healthy adult after working full time for a short while. Maybe worth seeing the GP about it?

MollyMoo78 to be clear if I could afford to go part-time I'd do it in a heart-beat, as I think my work-life balance would be infinitely better, and I wouldn't feel like a frazzled, exhausted mess all the time. I certainly wasn't trying to start a bun fight. I was just pointing out that it isn't a necessity because those of us that have to work full-time still have to fit all the other life stuff in too, (and I have a terminally ill parent I try to help out with too), and just have to deal with the lack of time to ourselves. I wouldn't describe part-time working as a luxury either though. On the contrary as many other posters have said you obviously earn less too on a part-time wage, and usually have to deal with a lower pension etc later in lie. Frankly you just need to do whatever works best for you and your family.

But as I say, if I could afford to go part-time I'd be doing it instantly crosses fingers DH gets a promotion in a few years But it's not a necessity.

I have recently turned down 2 FT jobs as I felt that the disruption to us as a family would be too great.
PT jobs are quite rare in my field but I have now been offered one which will allow me to work mainly while the DC are at school so along with employing a cleaner it shouldn't make any difference .
Obviously if we needed the money it would be a very different story. If you CAN work PT then why wouldn't you want to?

Yanbu. I'm a lp and work 3 days a week for the sake of my mental and physical health. Luckily my mortgage is small so it's just about affordable. I do get pissed off when people think I have a four day weekend though. It's just supermarkets, errands, tidying and refereeing the kids fights, with no adult company ever. My only breaks are a couple of gym sessions a week and I make myself eat a sit down lunch on my non working days without the kids fighting around me.

Sorry op sounds like you are in the wrong job. I bet your colleagues love you!
I am a nursery practitioner have been for 20 years the pay is rubbish but I love the job and do the best for the children. I find it annoying when people work in nurseries who do it for convenience and not for the love of children. Think it's time you looked for so something else.

Maybe something less stressful will give you more time for your housework.

Not selfish or lazy at all. I'm a nanny (or was, I am on Mat Leave now!) and for 4 years I worked full time, for a year of that 6 days a week. I didn't have children of my own at the time but I was massively run down, couldn't function outside of work, my mental health and social anxiety was taking a battering and the chronic pain and fatigue I've had from a young age got steadily worse and worse whilst my enthusiasm for the career got less and less.

I had an opportunity to drop one of my jobs and took it, going from a 6 day week
(3 of those before/after school so theoretically I had time to relax between, but it doesn't work like that at all!) to a three day week with extra ad-hoc work controlled by me. It made life so much easier, my health issues became significantly more manageable and it improved the quality of mine and DHs life massively.

For some people part time is a necessity for their overall well being, but it is still a luxury in that if you have to work full time to keep afloat, you have to work full time. I took a significant pay cut in order to do it.

Of course it's not a necessity!

It's your choice to do it though.

Like otters have said, you have to do what works and is manageable for you and your family.

I've done all sorts since my children were born, including:

• working full time with my (first) baby in wraparound nursery care (to try to keep my 'glittering' career going

YANBU at all. I'm a lone parent and I work part time, 3 days a week. If I went full time I'd be spending so much in childcare costs it wouldn't be worth it. Also I'm studying for a degree so I could do with the extra time to study.

I probably won't go back full time until DS starts secondary school. Stuff what other people think.

if you're looking for someone to make you feel bad about your choices, you'll always find it. There are trade-offs to working pt, just as there are for every single choice, if you're happy with your choices, tell them 'i'm happy with my choice it works for me'. fwiw, I couldn't work 5 days a week in a nursery I'd be a physical and mental wreck, it looks like a very hard job to me.

For my family my PT hours are necessary - DH and I both work 24/7 shift patterns and if I wasn't PT there is nobody who could have DD when I leave for work at 5am and DH gets home at 9am the same day, or when he's leaving at 5am etc. I could probably apply for a 9-5 role but full time wrap around child care for one child would cost more than the drop in my wages; with DC2 on the way it's prohibitively expensive, plus who would take time off to cover days when the children are sick and can't go, who would take DD to her weekly speech therapy (11am on a week day)?

It's no way lazy. Here I am on my "day off" looking after DS in half term. Lazy? Bollocks!

I work 2 days a week, and yes I get the wave of resentment from certain full time colleagues. Scratch the surface and it's jealousy beneath.
Day 1 - clean the house
Day 2 - laundry
Day 3 - misc admin, tidying, DIY
bearing in mind a day is really 5 hours between school run, if I get some time to sit down with a book it's probably a lot less relaxing time than my child free colleagues get at the weekend.

OddBoots if you're reading this I wonder what you are retraining as? I am in a similar sort of boat.

I work part time due to disability and the thoughts of:
^Pension
Not being taken as seriously as a professional
Money
Professional fees being unchanged but salary lower
Guilt about rest^
...All hang over my head.

For you it sounds like the job is far more of a problem than the hours. It would all seem achievable if you were happy at work. How will you keep forcing yourself to work for what, another 20 years, when the thought of a full working week is so overwhelming and negative. Maybe time to step back and consider what the real issue is and the next step.

Really? I think it's possible to be happy in a job 3 days a week that you couldn't do 5 days a week due to the effort taken to do the job well. I work in IT and I look at my DC's nursery staff and by the end of every day they do look very tired (maybe I'm projecting that on them but after 10 hours of looking after 2 year olds they do objectively seem to look tired to me!).

Every family's situation and needs are different. I think the level of 'acceptance' varies depending on the industry in which you work. I'm in retail where ft workers are higher management only. I'm lower management and wouldn't be allowed ft even if I wanted (which I don't). I've never had a problem with ft workers passing comment about pt workers with just one exception. I'm on a small pt contract and for a few months was doing 3x my contracted hours. I'd had to pull back a bit due to kids, house etc suffering.....one ft worker wasn't happy. I explained I applied for pt for a reason.....I don't want or need to work ft. Not had a problem since.

I'm a nurse and work part time - 30 hours over 3 days. I'll be looking to reduce a bit more when I go back from maternity leave. 2 days plus opportunity for overtime/bank shifts would be ideal. My DC3 is 7 months old and logistics and cost of childcare makes full time hours very difficult. DH has recently changed career and earns more so it makes sense for me to be the one to cut my hours. I'll plan to go up again when my youngest is in preschool. I like being at home with them, my mum was a single parent and worked so hard, I do feel lucky being able to be part time and have more time with the kids

Fwiw when I get comments at work about my hours, I just say 'part time is great until payday'. That generally works.

Elizadontlittle sums it up. It's the job that's the problem, not the hours.
If you're in a job that's fulfilling, you would no doubt be able to cope with a full working week.

I think when you have pre school children it's very different, because many people want to reduce their hours to spend more time caring for their own children (I did 3 days a week when mine were pre school age, very happily) Once they're older it seems to make much more sense to look for a job you properly enjoy and get more out of. I think you're selling yourself short by staying in a job you don't seem to like, just out of 'convenience.' Convenient for who? If your dh doesn't want to do any housework then I can see it's quite convenient for him to have you working part time and continuing to do all the domestic drudgery.

Working life is long nowadays... most people will be working until into their late 60s, it just seems to be setting the bar very low to stay in a job which you don't enjoy, and remain part time for that reason