To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

[Mollymoo78]

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

I think it depends on your circumstances whether it's a necessity or not, but that's not the issue, really - the issue is that tour workmates feel entitled to comment on it when it's none of their business and they should keep their noses out.

It's always with kids, isn't it? It's once you have kids, there's certain people you come across who make you feel like you should be submitting them a fucking timesheet. As if there's a badge of honour for how hard done by you are.

I work 3 days per week, the other 2 'working days' I'm at home catching up on washing, food shopping, cleaning the house, post office runs, all the boring jobs. Along with trying to entertain my 2yr old and taking him to classes, playgroups etc.

I just couldn't do full time hours plus all of the above. And financially I would be worse off as the nursery fees would be more than I earn

I'm sure my colleagues think I just sit around doing nothing on my days off. How wrong they are!

YANBU op!
No one else lives your life but you! Your collegues who have the audacity to judge you can get lost! Whether you work PT or not is not their business.

msjamiefraser good for you that you don't need the flexibility and breathing space that PT affords, but for some on us YES it is necessary....

...my dc has cerebral palsy therefore I do a job which allows me to be available to take her to all her therapy and where they are flexible and understanding enough that when she has seizures and is rushed to hospital (which can happen at any time) I can drop everything and go.

Don't judge other people just because they choose to, or are required to live their life differently than you.

Well I wouldn't describe part-time hours as a necessity for people with young kids, but I get what you are saying. I was working full-time with a toddler (I've just started maternity leave so not doing this right now) and still doing the majority of stuff around the house at the same time, and I was permanently exhausted to be honest. I would love to go part-time once I'm back at work after DD2 arrives, but financially it isn't going to happen right now.

The vast majority of my friends with young children only work part-time. I think that whilst I wouldn't describe it as a necessity, I think it makes day-to-day life more manageable.

Not a necessity at all. Part time work or not working at all are both luxuries unless you have means privately to support yourself. For most, it means either another adult or the state has to pick to the shortfall.

It's usually women, most men don't get the luxury of cutting their hours.

*Sheldon
*
My DP works compressed hours Mon - Thurs so that he can have Fridays off to look after DS. In some cases the man does do PT hours

Hove

I work 3 days per week, the other 2 'working days' I'm at home catching up on washing, food shopping, cleaning the house, post office runs, all the boring jobs.

And I do all that and work full time so yes. Working part time is a luxury imo. However, YWNBU to have that luxury if you can afford it.

No, it's not a necessity. If you needed the money you'd have to find a way to make it work. Or just get used to being a bit tired like most of us.

I work a 25 hour week over three longer days and one shorter, and it really is the most I can manage in terms of my mental well-being.

I do have colleagues (one in my department, one in a similar department) who work full-time with young DC. But they are better women than I.

Actually, that's a lie. They have mothers who live round the corner and offer hot and cold running childcare AND cleaning, and partners who are better positioned to take up the slack than mine (his job and mine both involve regular late finishes or early starts).

If ever I get any unusual remarks from colleagues I remind them that it's been career suicide for me - training and development opportunities are always offered to the full-timers, as apparently "they have more capacity to take them on" .

Necessary for me to be able to cope with my health condition and DD's additional needs (which includes regular appointments).

When I tried working FT I was a zombie, couldn't perform the job adequately, and DD was in meltdown because she didn't have the time and attention she needed from me.

So yes, for some people it's necessary for their health and well-being.

noah I did say for most people. Life isn't a one size fits all.

You do realise for some it's a choice and not a necessity? Thats what annoys me. I would love everyone to have the choice.

I work 930/300 term time only on minimum wage. It suits me. People sometimes ask why I don't work "full time" but it really isn't worth it by the time I pay for before and after school care and holiday club. I am working more hours for no extra money.

Plus I have elderly parents who I care for and mild depression so feel my working hours are enough.

Op do what is right for you and your family ignore comment from others.

I work 3 days per week, the other 2 'working days' I'm at home catching up on washing, food shopping, cleaning the house, post office runs, all the boring jobs

I work 5 days per week. On the other 2 days, I'm at home catching up on washing, food shopping, cleaning the house, post office runs, all the boring jobs and looking after my DC.

You are lucky. It isn't a necessity.

I always get slightly confused on these threads when people who work part-time say that they can only work part-time because they have to keep on top of all the household / domestic chores. Do they believe that those of us that work full-time don't have to do these things?

I work part time because that's what works best for us at the moment. DH works long hours and we have no family nearby meaning that everything pretty much falls to me. I would love a full time salary but childcare costs and the stress trying to cover inset days and school holidays would soon eat into that. Having said this I plan to gradually increase my hours as DCs move to secondary school.

I agree with PPs that say some people view it as sciving and assume I spend the rest of my time enjoying coffee mornings and having my hair done It's anything but sciving in fact I believe that I do the job of a full time person in part time hours.

You do what's best for you OP and stuff the full time grumbles.

kitkat, i think the point of this thread is to give the op some answers/retaliations to the naysayers that she works with. not join in with them

This attitude pisses me off, I work pt, I enjoy working pt, I am poorer for it, but happier. I do fair work for a fair wage. Why should I do anything else? Why should I feel bad? Why should anyone get jealous? Sometimes on my day off I have a long bath and read a book.
I had a boss who'd say every week 'enjoy your lovely long weekend' really wanted to retort on pay day 'enjoy your lovely big paycheck'

Good post wonderstuff.

i think you shoudl say to them op, "do you really want to see more of me" and Grin at them?

kitkat It wasn't about chores it was about mental wellbeing. Yes of course we all have different situations with the same responsibilities.

This is about feeling compelled to take full time hours because of a certain stigma attached to working part time by choice. I didn't really want it to turn into a bun fight between part time and full time workers, that goes completely against the point of the thread.

After the reaction of my colleagues I wanted to try and have a discussion that helps greater understanding. It's about whether wanting balance in your life is acceptable when you're in a job that's a struggle.

If you can afford to work part time (because your dh earns enough to enable it and he's happy to do so) then that's fine.

Just a couple of thoughts though...

You mention the thought of doing your job full time fill you with dread, and that it's a job of convenience. I think you're setting the bar very low for yourself if that's the attitude you have towards your job. Work is a big, necessary part of life- surely you should aim for something more fulfilling?

Secondly, you mention that you need to work part time to fit in all the domestic chores. No, you don't. It's quite possible for a couple to work full time and split home stuff equally. Most domestic chores expand to fit the time available... if you have 2 days a week you'll easily fill them, but you'd manage ok regardless

As a general point (and this is not a criticism, just an observation) you mention having been a SAHM for a long time, and it seems often when women have been in this situation they plump for a part time 'convenient' job once the kids are a bit older, and continue to do well over half the domestic chores. It's a bigger adjustment for you as a couple than if you'd both continued to work and hadn't had several years at home.

Ultimately it's a decision for you and your dh alone- but in your position I'd be weighing up a few issues: is your dh content with his work life balance? Are you really happy in this job? Do you really want to spend 2 days doing domestic chores? Would
You prefer a more fulfilling job where you could afford to pay someone else to be doing the housework? What are your long term goals, bearing in mind a working life nowadays extends to around age 67?

(Sorry that sounds like the inquisition! - just trying to give pointers to consider!)

To me part time hours are a luxury.

I was part time, absolutely loved it and am now back to full time work because I couldn't afford to be part time.

Everything was sweet when I was part time. My house was clean, I spent lots of time with my DD, I had lots of time for myself and generally felt the best I have in a long time as a result of being part time.

I'm back to full time through having no choice and I'm back to miserable with a half-assed shit pit for a house.

I agree that part time hours are a "luxury". But that doesn't make them wrong.

Someone else might choose to work full time and live in a nicer house or go on holiday every year. Those are also luxuries.

No one needs to criticise anyone else for the choices they have made.

goneHaywire, I never once said it wasn't neccessary, however I did say it wasn't a neccessity, BIG difference between the two.

More so when the OP already says she's struggling financially!

Just ignore ignore ignore.

I recently started doing condensed hours. My colleague with little children thought it a great idea and decided to do the same. Except there isn't capacity for us both to do it.. Doesn't mean she doesn't bring it up every 10 minutes