To be annoyed with mil?

[lostowl]

Yes another mil post!

We left our 2 dc with her whilst we ran errands for a few hours. Whenever I leave my dc with dog owners I ask nicely that the dog is either kept outside or in its cage. I asked her and although she clearly wasn't up for it she agreed to put the dog in the cage as I don't really want the dog to lick my one year olds face or hands etc which it's done before. This particular dog growls when she's eating her food so that worries me too.

When we returned the dog was out of its cage and she said that the dog doesn't like the cage and was moaning. Ok then, I didn't make a fuss. But isn't her grandchildren's safety more important? And she wonders why we don't go over often. She simply goes against my husband and my wishes and quite frankly I'm not happy.

Am I being a big jerk?

Poppybird I know a few Kennel Club breeders who keep their dogs in cages. It makes the dogs feel safe. It is not the crime of the century.

Hmmmmmmm

Well I would never buy a dog from someone who thinks its ok to keep it in a cage

Where does it say that? Dog was running loose when OP arrived. MIL didn't shove it back in the cage and bullshit her that it had been there the whole time.

She told the OP she'd do one thing, then did the opposite. OP wasn't given a chance to say whether she was ok with the 'judgement call' or would prefer to change her plans.

That's a lie in my book.

Yeah, my definition of 'lie' is deliberately telling an untruth.

She wasn't lying when she told OP she'd cage the dog. She did cage it. Then the dog became unexpectedly distressed when the OP wasn't there, and she uncaged it. That was the judgement call bit.

As for female dogs eating their own shit and then licking their owner's faces - what a crock. Maybe some do. My dog is more fastidious about what she eats than most humans, and I don't let her lick me anywhere. Nor does she particularly try to.

I'm so glad I grew up around dogs, cats, mice, hamsters, lambs, horses, etc. With a healthy respect for animals, and without some irrational fear that they'd eat me, or blind me, or whatever drives the lunacy about children interacting with animals that we see on mumsnet.

The whole problem is the lie, imho.

It's not that OP asked for the dog to be crated. Or really even that MiL took the dog out of the crate. It's that MiL agreed and then didn't do what she promised.

It's OP's child and she can ask her MiL to sing Swannee River and tap dance naked for her baby if she wants. If MiL doesn't want to do what the parents want, she has the option to say 'Sorry, that won't work'.

Yeah my mil would never have called or texted me to just see what I thought about what was happening with the dog because she doesn't want look like she's not coping iyswim?

Of course, OP can ask her MIL to do whatever she wants when looking after her DC. And it is then up to the MIL to say 'yes, I can do that' - and do it - or 'no, I have a problem with that, you will have to find someone else to mind your children'.

But if the MIL is not trustworthy in general, has form for 'undermining' her, mistakes her foul, shit-eating, blindness-inducing, snarling houndbeast for 'a saint', and has historically been so awful that her own offspring throw themselves into terrible relationships either unsuitable people just to be free of her, then it's a bit unrealistic of the OP to think her MIL is the right person to provide the safe, pleasant and hygienic environment she wants for her children. At some point it's the OP's responsibility to act on her assessment of her MIL, rather than expecting someone who's never lived up to her expectations to suddenly do so when she needs childcare.

That was the judgement call bit.

As was the decision not to share the information with OP when OP could do something about it, despite knowing her actions were specifically against OP's wishes.

...then it's a bit unrealistic of the OP to think her MIL is the right person to provide the safe, pleasant and hygienic environment she wants for her children. At some point it's the OP's responsibility....

Yes, of course it's OP's responsibility to be sure her MiL (or anyone else) is capable and cooperative in caring for her child. I'm under the impression that up to this time it hadn't been an issue. Or at least OP wasn't aware of any issues. Now that she knows that MiL feels it's OK to flout the parents rules, I'm sure she'll arrange for alternative childcare and that MiL will not be asked to care for the child again.

DH and I have a very spoilt small dog (our fault). When the time comes that we have grandchildren our dog will most likely have to be crated as he is 'lap jealous' of anyone around my DH. He's never bitten anyone but we are not willing to take that chance with a baby or small child.

YANBU - please don't leave her there again. My sister's dog went mad and bit someone in the face. Hasn't done it before or since but if it'd been my 6 month old niece...shudder.

Yanbu. She has proven herself untrustworthy. Don't send them again.