To be annoyed with mil?

[lostowl]

Yes another mil post!

We left our 2 dc with her whilst we ran errands for a few hours. Whenever I leave my dc with dog owners I ask nicely that the dog is either kept outside or in its cage. I asked her and although she clearly wasn't up for it she agreed to put the dog in the cage as I don't really want the dog to lick my one year olds face or hands etc which it's done before. This particular dog growls when she's eating her food so that worries me too.

When we returned the dog was out of its cage and she said that the dog doesn't like the cage and was moaning. Ok then, I didn't make a fuss. But isn't her grandchildren's safety more important? And she wonders why we don't go over often. She simply goes against my husband and my wishes and quite frankly I'm not happy.

Am I being a big jerk?

I also find the responses odd - ie - its your mils house you cant dictate.

But there has to be a compromise surely if mil wants to see her GC? I mean fine if you want to let the dogs out - but then mil has to understand op cant leave her dc there???

Yes she could have said that she didn't feel comfortable with that and we could have worked out a compromise. I asked her if she didn't want to do it. Now I know her rules, then I can make an informed decision on it. It's the fact that she went against my wishes that irks me. If she does that what else does she do. I am their parent first and foremost. It's just indicative of what she's like.

YABU Very indeed. If you are asking someone to babysit and they are essentially doing you a massive favour, you have a nerve to dictate to them to put their beloved pet in a cage. I'd tell you to fuck right off and pay for a babysitter.

The dog is lovely and sweet but despite that she is a dog and I can't trust any dog 100%.

Dogs can smell food on a child's hand and nip for example. Do we really want to go down that road of this happening and then having to put the dog down or something? It's not worth it in my opinion.

Maybe she actually did what she said and started off with the dog in the cage and saw how distressed it was and took it out? I think YABU sorry

She does you a favour by watching the kids while you run errands, in her house and you dictate how she keeps her pet dog while your kids are present? You'd get laughed at by my parents and in laws. Of course you shouldn't leave a child alone with a dog but a dog licking a childs hand would upset you? A dog licking a child isn't going to kill your kids. If you have genuine concern that the dog is actively aggressive then your mil should be more understand but what you have described isnt that.
YABU to be annoyed with your MIL. Her house, her rules. Don't like her rules don't let her babysit.

Some of these replies are odd. If your MIL didn't want to put the dog in a cage, she should have just told you she was unable to do that and then you could have made an informed decision as to whether you wanted a dog around your children.

My MIL did exactly the same thing (although her dog had bitten 7 people at the time. It's in double figures now. They'd been told by the police to keep it caged) and my children have not been alone at her house in the three years since, and will not be doing so again. In fact, before he dog incident my eldest was also bitten by MIL's unbroken, out of control horse after we'd told her not to take our son in the field. She did, it bit him, she denied it in front of him. He was 3 and was in tears because she called him a liar. He had bloody tooth marks on his hand.

None of that is relevant, but it does feel good to get it out There.

YANBU OP.

The dog growling while eating would worry me too. A dog that gets aggressive about its food often bites anyone who gets in its way, and one of your DC is only 1. There have been what seem like quite a few dog attacks when the owner was babysitting and swore the dog was harmless. YANBU.

You are not placing your trust in the dog, you are placing your trust in your MIL to supervise properly. If you really don't trust her then of course you can't ask her to babysit again but I think you are being controlling, sorry!

I don't really get it, don't loads of people with young dc own dogs? Why are you worried about the dog attacking?

You're being a bit precious if it's just about licking.

Yes, autumn, I'm entirely glib with my children's lives. Right now one of them is playing chicken in the main road, and the other is experimenting with matches. Whoever survives longest gets a biscuit.

Before I first left my children with my mum for the first time we had a long chat about how I don't trust any child (including mine although they've been taught since they were tiny to be gentle and respectful of the dogs) to be guaranteed not to wind the dog up till they snap, and that while in those circumstances it may not be the dog's fault; my child would still be just as hurt and I wouldn't be able to forgive that or trust her with the DC again. She understands and takes this seriously, so I'd be very surprised indeed to find she'd ignored me and wouldn't leave the children with her again.

But there's a difference between "please don't leave my children alone with your dogs", which is just common sense, and asking someone to confine one of the residents of their house whilst they're doing you a favour. I wouldn't ever ask that of her or anyone, and would fully expect them to no if they did.

So actually, I've now talked myself round to the opinion that MIL WBU by not saying "no" to the request in the first place, on the grounds it's not fair to the dog!

My mother has a dog and agrees with me. She puts it in the cage and he's perfectly fine for a few hours and has a snooze.

But what about if you're there all day? For Christmas for instance?

Also, my dc aren't used to being around dogs and obviously mil's dog doesn't see young children on a daily basis.

I don't understand some responses. Isn't it in the best interest of the dog and children to keep them apart in this instance?

Mil was on her own today with the children and I just worry that she deals with one child, turns her back and something might happen.

If I'm being precious over my children I'd rather that than negligent.

Your mothers dog obviously likes being in a cage then. You MILs dog doesnt. Why should she have to put her dog "away" when her grandkids come? Surely getting them used to the dog and vice versa would be better for everyone?

It's her undermining me to be honest. She thinks she's god's gift to child rearing. I don't think she's smart enough to realise the connection or perhaps she thinks I'll take her undermining lying down. Who knows

Don't take it lying down. You give an inch they take ten miles.
Do tell her why - because I think its cruel not too, you dont have to say it in a nasty way.

Just say - sorry - the dog issue is a big one for me, you broke my trust, you cant expect me to let them stay with you.

If dogs aren't used to being crated it will distress them. If it associates being put in the crate with kids being around that can create problems/jealousy between the dog and children.

It's not unreasonable that the dog should never be left unsupervised with your children but it is unreasonable that you should ask for the dog to be shut away somewhere when your children visit.

There is no "dog issue". Just a DIL wanting to control everything .
If the dog is aggressive then YES kick off. Thats not what the OP described.

Your kids are going to end up terrified of dogs. Dogs are all different with different personalities therefore you can't compare your mums dog with MILs. Some like being in cages. Mines would become so distressed she would hurt herself trying to get out.

Yanbu. Why would you let a dog who growls at kids eating be around them at all?

The young baby who died a couple of wks ago was snatched from its mothers arms by their aunts dog. It's not worth the risk and it's certainly not precious.

I rememeber a long dog thread on here once and an A and E nurse came on and said she would be rich if she had had money for every time a child with an injury from a dog came in - and they said " oh but it was the family pet"

Dont forget the only dog attacks that make the news are the serious ones and where there has been a fatality.

I grew up around dogs, but even then I was aware I was the priority the child in the family not the dog. Ie there would have been no soppy " oh he wont ever hurt a fly" crap.

we loved our dogs but with a healthy dose of respect for an animal who can turn,

YABU. And very precious. You'd be told exactly where to go if you tried to tell me to crate my dog while I was doing you a favour babysitting your kids.

You sound like hard work.

Just to clarify - was the dog left at any point with just the children? Or was your MIL always in the room?

And out of interest, what type of dog is it?