To be annoyed with mil?

[lostowl]

Yes another mil post!

We left our 2 dc with her whilst we ran errands for a few hours. Whenever I leave my dc with dog owners I ask nicely that the dog is either kept outside or in its cage. I asked her and although she clearly wasn't up for it she agreed to put the dog in the cage as I don't really want the dog to lick my one year olds face or hands etc which it's done before. This particular dog growls when she's eating her food so that worries me too.

When we returned the dog was out of its cage and she said that the dog doesn't like the cage and was moaning. Ok then, I didn't make a fuss. But isn't her grandchildren's safety more important? And she wonders why we don't go over often. She simply goes against my husband and my wishes and quite frankly I'm not happy.

Am I being a big jerk?

" whilst we were out for less than 3 hours."

That would be a long time for the dog to stay in the crate though, wouldn't it?

If you knew that you would be a few hours, you couldn't have expected the dog to stay crated all that time.

That's not to say that she couldn't have found a way of keeping dog & kids seperate, of course.

My DD was happily playing and our dog just went for her face

thats what dogs are capable of. Esp with children who tend to be at their eye level.

Mil had her chance at raising kids and assessing risks with them, occasionally making bad judgements and getting lucky. But just because her kids are still alive doesn't mean I'm comfortable leaving my child with her, because personally I wouldn't take the risks

Couldn't agree more.
Children survive in the most hostile environments - famine - starvation, bombing war, just because they survived doesn't mean anything except humans are resilient.

I had this leveled at me recently when I was trying to explain DD symptoms, MIL was totally hostile.
She is on very thin ice with me and its a shame as I would love to have family where the DC love going.

I've cooled down today and next time I see her I won't bring it up

I think you should nad its only fair on her you do as well.

i think it was up to mil to decide if three hours was too much for the dog. Then she should have offered you the chance to make alternative arrangements. I suspect she didn't want that as she would want the chance of looking after her GC, so hoped it would be OK.

When you hear of dogs biting children there is usually a GP there that "hoped" it would be ok.

If she feels crating dog would be unfair, don't leave her with them.

Make alternative arrangements if you aren't happy. She's doing you a favour so you can have your 'freedom' after all

Do you really think of your in-laws in those terms?
Nanny Ogg my in laws YES.

Yes I do. After a bit of a hiatus due to the behaviour both sides have tried to repair bridges but areas like Potty training. In spite of no discussion about it - il decides to do potty training her own way. For the sake of peace, we go along - after all - it all helps right?
After a while DD was racing into the door when she got back screaming for her nappy to be put back on. So we mentioned to Mil it might be best to simply leave her in nappies for now .

That should be enough right? She should listen to us > a SIMPLE light - request?

No the next time DD was there again she came racing to the door screaming nappy nappy.
This now puts us in a tricky position doesn't it.
We have mentioned in a nice to Mil to leave nappies on. She has chosen to disregard our wishes. So what do we do now?

Well, the next time DD was there Mil was telling me about her progress and I said " actually DD runs in - in some distress wanting her nappy back on" . Mils eyes glaze over " oh but she is fine here" .

Mil does not care, mil is not listening. She had one more chance, DH said " please leave the potty training to us, please leave the nappies"

Our other DC said " as soon as you had gone, Mil was waving pants at DD and got her out of her nappy, i tried to say something mummy but Mil said "No, its time DD was trained she is too old to be using Nappies" .

Mil set us back weeks with the training and we had a very casual - she will come to it when ready attitude, Mils forcing her set us back, and we had to stop DD going there until she was trained - which she is now, in her and our own time and way.

When you hear of dogs biting children there is usually a GP there that "hoped" it would be ok

Exactly not a risk I would be taking at all.

When you hear of dogs biting children there is usually a GP there that "hoped" it would be ok

Exactly not a risk I would be taking at all.

When you hear of dogs biting children there is usually a GP there that "hoped" it would be ok

Exactly not a risk I would be taking at all.

I don't think yabu to be annoyed she blatantly didn't do what she said she agreed she was going to do.

I think the original request itself is very unreasonable unless there is more to the story and your MIL is a bad dog owner?

It would take an extremely good reasons for me to crate or banish my (very friendly) dog for small children however, I would never leave them alone together and if there were any signs of being possessive over food, the dog would be fed in a separate area or after the wee ones had left.

An example of a good reason - when my dog had surgery for her teeth. She was a grumpy wee shit and the 3yo niece was too rough and wouldn't leave her alone. Usually the dog loves playing with my niece however this time, she went outside where it was safer for all.

By asking dogs to be put away whenever your children are there, your teaching them to be afraid of dogs. Teaching caution is good but this i think this is well beyond caution.

I've owned dogs all my life, been involved in dog training, obedience and agility. I have well adjusted, trained dogs but when other children visit they can say hello to the dogs and they are put behind the baby gate. There is no reason to risk mixing in a group of young children with the dogs. A child could fall on the dog accidentally, a child might tap/pull/poke a dog because they are not used to them, a dog may become stressed by the noise or feel they have to protect their child, etc.

The trust has been broken, end of for me really. You are obviously a great mom, naturally protecting your children. I can't understand why someone on here would call you 'precious' etc why?

What does your husband think?

It should be seen as a privilege to be asked to care for someone else's children, related or not. If they don't respect your wishes it's their problem.

Not the same I know but similar, if your MIL had asked you to look after her darling dog with instructions/wishes regarding its safety and you had not respected those how would she react?

I never knew or have seen so much worry over a dog being in the same room as a child. Ever.
Leaving a dog alone with a child, yes. But just a dog not being caged around a child, even with adult supervision- I never even realised this fear existed.

I never knew or have seen so much worry over a dog being in the same room as a child. Ever.
Leaving a dog alone with a child, yes. But just a dog not being caged around a child, even with adult supervision- I never even realised this fear existed.

Doesn't it depend on how much you trust the supervision, its vigilance and its constantness?

good post street

My SIL couldn't understand why I didn't want their dog licking my baby's hands and face and proceeded to ask "would I allow it when he's older"?!? He was under one at the time but age doesn't change things for me. I don't allow dogs to lick my hands or face either. I'm a dog lover and I trained my dog not to lick at my hands and face.

I personally wouldn't ask for her to babysit again and if asked about it, just explain why.

Jassy- it does yes but I wouldn't allow someone I didn't trust to be solely responsible for my child. Dog or no dog.

You cannot keep a dog crated for 3 hours while there are people in the house.

The do will have no idea what it's being punished for.

And maybe your poor husband was trying to find a compromise and keep the peace between his mother and his wife.

It should be seen as a privilege to be asked to care for someone else's children, related or not.

Oh yeah she should be kissing your feet for allowing her to babysit.

Pizza yeah, I was startled by that one as well. We should all feel blessed and grateful for the opportunity to provide free childcare for anyone we've ever met! Bizarre.

My daughter got bitten by my mums shih ztu on the face. Luckily only very very minor damage but point still stands... yet they blame my dd because at 8 months old she was winding the dog up. Makes me angry!

I'm going to ask my dd's nursery to start paying ME instead bipbipp

Retro out of curiosity, what is your relationship with your mother like?

Retro you think some mil problems are down to dils simply acting like a 'total bitch'?

Autumn that sounds so frustrating, did you find she interfered in other areas, like weaning for example?