To be annoyed with mil?

[lostowl]

Yes another mil post!

We left our 2 dc with her whilst we ran errands for a few hours. Whenever I leave my dc with dog owners I ask nicely that the dog is either kept outside or in its cage. I asked her and although she clearly wasn't up for it she agreed to put the dog in the cage as I don't really want the dog to lick my one year olds face or hands etc which it's done before. This particular dog growls when she's eating her food so that worries me too.

When we returned the dog was out of its cage and she said that the dog doesn't like the cage and was moaning. Ok then, I didn't make a fuss. But isn't her grandchildren's safety more important? And she wonders why we don't go over often. She simply goes against my husband and my wishes and quite frankly I'm not happy.

Am I being a big jerk?

YANBU. You asked for one thing and she went against that, she turns her back and things can and sadly do happen. If the dog isn't used to children and vice versa they often don't know what to make of each other and the dogs can become territorial. I'm assuming if there is a cage at the house for the dog then the dog is used to it? So don't understand why people are so opposed to that, if of course the dog is used to it.

If a dog is growling while eating food surely it would be wise to keep kids away from the dog during that time.
The OP isnt on about dog bites, shes on about her MILs dog LICKING her children.

YADNBU.

She can't be trusted and frankly neither can the dog.

YADNBU, and there's no way my child would be staying there again unsupervised as she's blatantly shown that she doesn't give a shit about you or her grandchild.

Not a clue foundneverland. That's what worries me. I couldn't believe it when I saw the dog out of its cage and/or not outside when we returned. Bottom line was that was not what we agreed. I can't trust her.

I guess you can stop all visits now OP, congrats.

The dog also jumps up at people and I wouldn't want her to jump at my children and knock them over.

Oh and I am hard work but it's my reaction to how she's treated me over the years. Whole other story!

If you're not happy with what she does then it's simple-don't leave your kids there again.

Is there no compromise between dog crated or dog & kids together?

I think YABU but you obviously don't trust your Mil's judgement and ability to protect your Dc, so don't let her babysit again and take your Dc with you to run errands.

I do put my dog in another room when some guests are over but that is my choice. I would not be crating or putting him outside for anyone.

I'll definitely ask about a compromise diddl- what would anyone suggest? I want her to spend alone time with her grandkids and it was lovely for my husband and I to have some 'freedom'.

I think the dog is a red herring & a convenient excuse to stop visits.

Cant she come to your house? Then that way its your house, your rules. No dog and gran gets to spend time with kids, you and dh get some peace?

YABU, find another babysitter

YABU - if she left your baby unsupervised with the dog, I would agree with you, but as long as the dog and baby are carefully supervised I think, actually, it's good thing.

Your baby will learn how to behave around animals, and will not have the fear of dogs that blights the lives of many children (but nor will he become overconfident, because he will know not to tease). AND - the odd germ will actually boost his immune system, not destroy his health.

If you would prefer the dog to be in a different room, buy a baby gate for your MIL to use so that the dog and baby can see and hear each other but not come into contact.

I wouldn't put my dogs into purdah for a baby unless there were allergy issues or a very compromised immune system to worry about.

Hotwaterbottler1 I agree.

Dogs that do not live with small children are not used to the noise and unpredictable sudden movements that they make. An unnerved unsettled dog that feels distressed in its own home can lash out. That is sadly proven by the cases seen in the media where a relative's dog has attacked visiting children.

I don't think your MIL appreciates this.

lostol

If the dog holds and cries when shut away from the family - and she dogs do - how is that good for your baby? It will be distressing and frightening for him, and prevent him relaxing or having a nap - and your MILs neighbours might have something to say about it, too.

it also means that the dog will start to dislike your child, associating him with being put into solitary.

Ask her to babysit at your house only. Easy compromise. Plus all your dc's toys etc are there, it's like preparing for battle taking nappies, food, change of clothes etc round to someone else's house.

YABU Very indeed. If you are asking someone to babysit and they are essentially doing you a massive favour, you have a nerve to dictate to them to put their beloved pet in a cage.

If I'm leaving my beloved children with anyone, regardless of the size of David, they would have a nerve to say they'd go along with something important to me and then do exactly the fucking opposite.

This isn't really about whether it was reasonable to keep the dog and child apart. It's that the MIL said she'd do one thing, and then did another.

Why did you leave your kids with someone you clearly dislike and don't trust?

If you don't like your MIL (at all, by the sounds of things, dog or no dog) then find someone else to look after your dc.

I used to be very Laissez faire around dogs with my dc until my 5 year old tripped on my cousin's dog which bit her on the chin and she will have those scars forever - 10 years ago now. I therefore agree with the OP whereas I would otherwise have thought her too controlling. I feel very guilty about it.

YANBU too many stories would make me hesitant too.

You explained to your MIL why you had one request and of your MIL did not want to keep dog caged she should have told you so you could take your DC with you. It's the lying bit especially with something that can be dangerous.

If she said no I can't cage dog and therefore can't babysit and you'd got the huff that would BU. If she called to say dog was agitated and asked you to come back in say 30 min so she could let it out fair enough.

None of mine or DH relatives have dogs but it does anny me when they ignore request we have with DD or try and tell us what to do with her (they don't babysit as they live too far away it's when we visit).

What does the children's father think of them being left in with his Mother and her dog? Does he feel the same way as you?

can't the dog be shut in a room. when we had guests with children (before our children) we'd let the dog sleep on our bed as a 'treat.' dog happy, and out the way!

i don't think it's unreasfor u to say u don't want the dog around the children. almost every story you read it's a grandparents/babysitters dog that attacks a child cos they're not used to each other.