To be annoyed with mil?

[lostowl]

Yes another mil post!

We left our 2 dc with her whilst we ran errands for a few hours. Whenever I leave my dc with dog owners I ask nicely that the dog is either kept outside or in its cage. I asked her and although she clearly wasn't up for it she agreed to put the dog in the cage as I don't really want the dog to lick my one year olds face or hands etc which it's done before. This particular dog growls when she's eating her food so that worries me too.

When we returned the dog was out of its cage and she said that the dog doesn't like the cage and was moaning. Ok then, I didn't make a fuss. But isn't her grandchildren's safety more important? And she wonders why we don't go over often. She simply goes against my husband and my wishes and quite frankly I'm not happy.

Am I being a big jerk?

There's obviously a massive backstory to this. Your description of her and your own remarks indicate there is a huge power struggle going on here.

YWNBU to request she crate the dog when she watches your children, but you have no right to demand it. SWBU to lie if she had no intention of crating the dog.

But if your MiL had every good intention but then her dog started barking incessantly or showing distress and she let him out, the proper thing would have been to call you or your DH immediately and tell you that you had to come home and get your children if you don't want them around the dog.

Would that have set ok with you?

Many dogs injure children every year in the uk. They are often family pets, for example grandmas dog.

You are perfectly within your rights to ask for the dog to be crated. Your mil is within her rights to say no. But once accepting the deal, she should stick to it.

My mil looked after a dog for a while. She visited us rather than us visit them. The dog went away if we visited. Otherwise we didn't visit. It is a very nippy dog. I very much appriciate the efforts they went to.

It took me a long time to trust my MIL. She hated me at first, now we tolerate each other. I still don't like her but my kids adore her so I put up with some dodgy crap. She once left my DD (16 months at the time) in the bath alone while she went to answer her phone. Luckily we were home and witnessed this. If you don't trust your mother in law with the kids and her dog, you need to adapt the situation. Telling/demanding she removes/shuts out/cages the dog won't help. Try asking her to come to yours? That way the dog can't come.
I do think you are being overly cautious. I think my response was harsh earlier in the thread (didnt know you had under lying issues with MIL). My DD was bitten on the face by our yorkshire terrier pup who sadly needed to be rehomed after that incident. She almost got her right eye. My DD has a scar under her eye and light marks across her right cheek which we have been told will eventually fade. My DD was happily playing and our dog just went for her face. I was in the room and reacted as quick as I could. If you dont think your MIL could be vigilant enough in that situation then trust your gut.

She once left my DD (16 months at the time) in the bath alone while she went to answer her phone

Oh my god para, my mil would never have dd again if this was me.

What I always consider in these sorts of situations is: Mil had her chance at raising kids and assessing risks with them, occasionally making bad judgements and getting lucky. But just because her kids are still alive doesn't mean I'm comfortable leaving my child with her, because personally I wouldn't take the risks.
Ike not strapping baby dh into his seat properly in the car then speeding along whole he tumbled off the back seat onto the floor.
Or leaving toddler dh in an insecure buggy outside a shopping centre, only for him to escape and wonder down a main road.

YANBU

I am astonished that when you read so many of those cases where a dog has killed or seriously injured a young child it has been in the grandparents care at the time if the incident - perhaps it's just the ones I have read but they seem to be very often.

I am always amazed that someone in their 40's or beyond would not have the simple common sense to keep dogs away from babies and small children. An accident from a very young parent I could have sympathy with as it could be put down to naivety or lack of life experience bit grandparents being so stupid is a different matter

Totally agree with u. We have a grumpy cat and we would never leave her with a child. As a grandparent you need to protect you gc at whatever cost.

YANBU

You asked her to keep dogs and kids separate. It's an understandable request.

A 4 year old kid just died in the US 10 minutes after a dog entered a house, they hadn't even taken the dog off lead, it was just more powerful than the humans.

If she'd told you she couldn't comply with your request you could have evaluated the risk and made a decision. But she said one thing and did another and that isn't ok.

Don't take it lying down. You give an inch they take ten miles.

Do you really think of your in-laws in those terms?

I think the OP was within her rights to ask her MiL to keep the dog away. Caged was too much, but another room, fine.

How old are your kids Op?

Are they likely to tease the dog/leave it alone?

Dogs & kids can move quickly.

Has anyone tried them getting used to each other-throwing toys, giving treats, taking the dog for a walk?

And the same with your mum's dog-any interaction?

So your MIL agreed (probably reluctantly, but trying to keep you happy) to crate her dog.

Then after your children had been there for 'several hours', the dog started moaning and getting agitated.

Circumstances changed, and your MIL made a judgement call about her own pet, in her own home, and let the dog out. I think this is normal.

I understand that the recent dog attacks have been horrific, but the attitude towards dogs on mumsnet is bonkers. We all grew up around dogs: ours, the grandparents', the neighbours', all wandering around together. I can think of exactly zero children I knew ever being attacked by a dog. (Not saying it never happened, it must've to somebody, but my point is that it was exceedingly rare.)

I think there is going to be a whole new generation of children who have no idea how to behave around dogs. My friend is scared of dogs, and teaches her children to be the same. Last time she brought the children (aged 6 and 9) to my house, I caught them banging on the glass door to stir up the dog, throwing orange peel at the dog's head, screaming at the dog, and so on. This was despite the fact that I'd told them calmly, several times, to please ignore the dog and she would ignore them (true).

Anyway, OP - if you are that worried about dogs, you need to not leave your children with dog owners. It is completely unreasonable to expect your MIL to leave an animal caged and distressed, once it got that way.

Actually I think YABU.
Find a new baby sitter if you don't like the fact your mil has a dog. As long as the dog hasn't got previous and your mil keeps a close eye on it what's the problem.
How many family's have children AND dogs? Do those dogs get kept in cages in case a child shoves a pencil down its ear and the dog lashes out ? (It's been known!)
Dogs, cats and any other pets for matter should be kept under close supervision with children, for the welfare of both child and pet! if that happens any normal happy animal won't harm a child and visa versa.
I think you sound precious.
And no I don't have a dog.

Sorry- just read it's got FA to do with the dog and that you don't like being undermined by your mil.
Get a new baby sitter just the same.

There as an interesting graph on bbc news which Showed more than 1000 dog bites requiring hosp treatment in one year for under nines in one year. U.K.

Meh. You don't like your MIL and now you have the perfect excuse to stop her seeing the kids. Well done.

The child is one year old and the dog growls when she is eating ?

Sounds like a risk to me.

What does your H say?

That's a leap exLt not allowing mil to babysit means they never see the children! My mil doesn't babysit but she sees the kids lots.

You do indeed come across as hard work, and the way you speak about your husband's mother is horrible.

Don't like the way looks after your children for free? Don't leave them with her again then. Job done.

Dog growls when eating? Don't feed dog when kids are around. Not hard.

YABU.

The dog growls when eating for me this is the important bit. The dog is not well adjusted, resource guarding is a common problem but it is a problem nonetheless. For this alone I would be very very weary of having this dog around very young DCs. It is not just about not feeding the dog when the DCs are around, accidents can happen with food all the time, e.g. small DC drops biscuit on the floor and tries to pick it up at the same time as the dog goes for it. A well adjusted dog will have been taught a 'leave it' command and will respond to it (even without the command being said, a well trained dog will recognize a human reaching for the biscuit as pet of the leave it training and will back off).

II have dogs and DCs, I don't have a problem with the dogs licking the DCs all over but the dogs have to be well adjusted. Any dog that requires management should be kept away from DCs, especially young DCs, especially in close quarters.

Stairgate in living room doorway to separate dog and dc.

I can't help the way this woman makes me feel. If it was any other woman I wouldn't see or talk to her again. Unfortunately I have to. Obviously my dh doesn't like that we don't get on but he's accepted it.

With regard to the dog situation it was actually him who said to his mother that the dog be kept in the cage whilst we were out for less than 3 hours.

Ops sorry changed my username . Will change it back.

To be honest I think the subject of mil mixed with a dog is like talking about politics at the dinner table. People are going to be divided.

I've cooled down today and next time I see her I won't bring it up. If she mentions it --- I haven't worked out what I would say. Probably that I was a little shocked the dog was out and about as opposed to outside or something and see what she says.