What are the weird things you have experienced/seen on the London transport/public transport?

[weresquirrel]

Following on from Artandco's thread; www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2765114-To-think-some-people-deserve-a-place-in-hell?msgid=64487353#64487353 which contains the story of someone releasing a load of hamsters on the tube for "exercise" I thought it would be fun/interesting to have a "things experienced on the tube/public transport" thread. So here goes;

Mine; Someone very publicly snorting cocaine at around 11pm on the Piccadilly Line. Another one was the man sitting in front of me masturbating behind his briefcase (retch). Also had an Italian tourist stroke my knee when I was a teenager (yuck).

What have you seen/experienced on the Tube?

An empty carriage in rush hour.

Due mainly to a man having a ... um ... dump, on the seat.

A man in a gimp suit on a leash held by another maan.

I was sitting on a train westbound at circa Wood Green when a small black lady got on and sat down beside me in the priority seat. I could see she was trying to catch my eye and I eventually cracked and gave her a half smile and she asked me a few questions about how I was. Without warning she segued into a Jesus Loves You speech and I was ok, thanks, I’ll keep that in mind and buried my head in my kindle. She then turns to other people in the carriage and asks them questions & continues evangelising albeit at normal speaking voice levels.

At Finsbury Park, a younger man got on and politely said to her ‘may I please have a seat, I have disability’ and lifted his trouser hem to show that he had an obvious birth deformity. She didn’t get up fast enough as the person in the other priority seat got up and gave him his seat, which meant that the younger man was now sitting directly opposite the lady. She started asking questions about his disability and you could see that he was uncomfortably answering questions he’d answered many times before.

Before any of us knew what was happening, she leaps up, puts one hand on his arm, the other hand high in the sky, closes her eyes and starts loudly appealing to God to show her a miracle and heal his disability here, right now, today in this very tube carriage.

The collective cringe in the carriage was unreal. Hands down one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my commuting career.

LisaMumsnet- Some people are proper cuckoo. How gross

I was on my way to a funeral on the Northern line. Tube got a bit empty older cap gets on sits down 4/5 seats away opposite me and starts to inspect his purchase. The foot high 6in square box has toilet unblocker written on it. The box is also covered in large chemical hazard symbols and read Sulphuric acid 100%. He turns the box slowly round and round inspecting it, then starts to open the box and lift out a chemical brown bottle holding 1 or 2 liters. If that bottle had broken on the floor I think it would be far to say at best the whole carriage would need medical attention. He puts the box down and starts to open the bottle. So I said 'Excuse me, please stop, that's Sulphuric acid it's very dangerous'. He pauses, gives me a funny grin, reads the bottle, face gets serious and starts putting it away. Fucking idiot, he must have gone somewhere specially to get that, not easy to buy I'd have thought.

This might be someone else's story - commuter train into central London one fine morning, me wrestling a big cardboard box on my lap, much to the displeasure of the man sitting next to me (even though it wasn't encroaching on his space at all!). Eventually he demands "what's in there anyway?" I respond perfectly truthfully, "syphilitic bones". He gets off at the next stop and no one takes his place, even though the aisle is rammed with standers.

They weren't contagious, honest!

An elderly "gentleman" sat down next to a woman in her thirties on a bus (there were lots of free seats available). He immediately "accidentally" dropped something on the floor and, rather than asking the woman to let him pick it up, he bent down putting his face directly between her legs. Being British she just stared out the window and let him get on with it!

I've yet to witness anything awful since being in London but many years ago when DP & I were a new couple we were sat 3 seats in front of an awfully drunk middle aged couple of which the male was very brazenly pleasuring the female. 😷

the irish fans singing lullabies, that harderandharder mentioned!

Scaredycat3000, you can actually buy that unblocker in Robert Dyas. I had to buy some recently'; it's called Rhino.

A man brushing his teeth. A woman cutting her toenails. A really regular looking guy reading FT dressed as Robin Hood on a cold day. The quality of his outfit was amazing. It looked really expensive. Woman with a ferret on a lead. All on tube.

Two policemen flagging down a bus I was on and then boarding it before having a little picnic of sausage rolls, laughing like drains and getting off at a police station.