What are the weird things you have experienced/seen on the London transport/public transport?

[weresquirrel]

Following on from Artandco's thread; www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2765114-To-think-some-people-deserve-a-place-in-hell?msgid=64487353#64487353 which contains the story of someone releasing a load of hamsters on the tube for "exercise" I thought it would be fun/interesting to have a "things experienced on the tube/public transport" thread. So here goes;

Mine; Someone very publicly snorting cocaine at around 11pm on the Piccadilly Line. Another one was the man sitting in front of me masturbating behind his briefcase (retch). Also had an Italian tourist stroke my knee when I was a teenager (yuck).

What have you seen/experienced on the Tube?

Not me but my dear departed mum. As a teenager during WW2 she got on a tube train in central London fairly late at night. She inadvertently sat opposite a man who apparently had his erect penis in his hand. Now God love her, she was very innocent and thought to herself, 'oh, that man's holding a pigs trotter'. 😆

maisie

A teen getting up just as the doors opened at Earls Court and vomiting a stinky puke that stank of alcohol.

A creep who pushed his erection into my arse until he got off at the next stop.

Horrible.

A stranger putting picking their little finger into my nose hole

The other day I was on the bus, which ended up getting caught up in some roadworks and being hideously delayed. The driver ended up ringing his head office to ask for a diversion and all the other passengers were breathing tense sighs and fidgeting. "Isn't this ghastly?" I said.

Everyone ignored me.

I once got dribbled on by a random man, who kept trying to talk to me. I'd told him that I didn't understand him but he wasn't having it.

A group of youngsters (my age at the time) playing 99 red balloons and blowing up red balloons...they let them go and at each stop they were sucked out of the door. So cool. So ironic.

I was very busy listening to the foos on my headphones and looking the other way. So cool

That was the northern line btw.

My mate and I jumped onto a tube train just as the doors closed. My friend had one of those bags like tiny rucksacks on her back. As the tube pulled out of the station, she realised that the doors had closed over her bag, leaving her bag outside the train and her stuck in the doors unable to move! I was of no help to her as I was laughing so much I could barely stand up. To make matters worse, the doors opened on the opposite side for the next 3 stops so she was stuck there for ages. This happened 20 years ago and I think she has just about forgiven me.

One Christmas eve almost 30 years ago, lots of bankers and business men were drunk after a boozy lunch, the oldish guy opposite me fell sleep, andv his trousers rode up to reveal he had stockings on underneath his business suit. Another guy noticed and the carriage was full of laughter, as it turned out the stocking wearer was a nasty boss of half the carriage.

A few times at Blackheath Station I have seen a man catching a train with what looks like a small, thin fluffy dog on a lead. Not that unusual.
However, closer inspection reveals that it is actually a very well behaved ferret!

Bumping

Women applying full slap in the morning. Bleurgh

I'll just give you four words.

Snakes on a train.

A man carrying a strange large bag with old Vinyl records and what sounded like a bird making weird noise. He then started speaking to the 'creature' in the bag- calming it down! (I know it sounds bizarre).

Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum ruler of Dubai with his sons and bodyguard. (The Sheikh was dressed in jogging bottoms and trainers) on a Bakerloo line.
Mind the gap-

The woman immortalised in "White Teeth" as "Mad Mary" - she was covered in red stuff, possibly blood, to the extent you couldn't tell what race she was, which I'd only wondered about because she decided to come try beating me up because apparently I was racist (I'd just sat down opposite her on the Jubilee Line at Kilburn). I moved carriages.

The drunk chaps strap-hanging on the Northern Line late one night. One manages to do a somersault to the cheers of his friend, which is pretty impressive given they are only about 15 inches long. Friend decides that chap will now impress us all further by doing it in the nude. Chap and onlookers decide that wouldn't be appropriate with young ladies present, so compromises with his mate that he will first do it topless (did so) followed by bottomless (looked like he was going to, but sadly I got off at Waterloo).

When I did my MSc they had to transport fresh umbilical cords from hospital to our lab. Easiest way was to send a student over and just take the polystyrene box covered in biohazard tape, with wisps of dry ice coming out, on the Circle Line, to get it to the lab in under an hour. Best way ever to get a seat!

Bloke across the aisle from me on the top deck of the bus. Gets on wearing tracksuit and tshirt. Gets off wearing suit shirt and tie. Revealed nothing in the process. It was fascinating.

And yes this was south East London

Someone on a train taking their socks off and then putting their bare feet on the chair opposite me with the cheery assurance that 'they don't smell'!

I've told this before on another thread. It's something that happened on a train in Greece.

The train was in carriages with a corridor. I was there with my boyfriend and a large family got on. The granny sat down, the mum and dad and kids bagged their seats and went along the corridor for the loo or something.

She looked furtively out of the window into the corridor, reached up under her long black skirt and took out a whole roast chicken. I've never seen anyone eat so fast. She ripped every bit of chicken off its carcass and gobbled it down, throwing the bones out of the window. Quick lick of her fingers, rubbed her greasy hands on her skirt and then, when the rest of the family came back, she was sitting there all innocent.

Reading the thread about people hiding chocolate from their children made me think of her!

Mine are really quite tame compared to some of these.
A few weeks ago on the northern line early morning, this guy gets on at Kennington and stands just in front of the doors (southbound so quite quiet). Train moves off, guy turns to my set, shouts 'FUCKING WHORES' and slams through the doors at the end of the carriage. To this day I'm not sure if it was his itinerary for that day or a reminder of his activities the night before or just an assessment of the people in the carriage.

Another wank story sadly:

I used to travel from Mile End to Barking on the District Line on a regular basis. Another regular was a guy who would fiddle around in his boxers. Every so often he'd get bold and pull it out.

This one time he was sat directly opposite me and out it came, full display. Being well versed in passive-aggressiveness I shouted loudly 'I'd put that away if I were you. That's nothing to be proud of - mine's far bigger than yours'.

Sure enough, it worked and he put it away. As I alighted, a guy handed me a piece of paper, and said thanks. On it was written 'Is it true?' and a phone number!

Unlike in London in the West Country everyone gets to know each other on the train, and form a social group. So on The Tamar Valley line screwing us had a 2 hour wait at Plymouth Station after a train wad delayed. A whip round ensued and whilst waiting much wine was consumed courtesy on the station shop!
So everyone got home late and the worse for wear! It was decided this was a good idea, and a group of us formed a wine club on the train which happened 2 days a week.
On one memorable occasion I had been entertaining all afternoon before the wine club and was well gone. My parter picked me up from the station massively unimpressed! Was threatened the next day that a repeat performance would result in walking home.
Next day the trip home was sober. (Hangover lasted all day). However some friends were on the train who had been at a beer festival. One guy was well gone. So being sober I helped him off the train, just as my partner turned up too see us both falling out of the door! 30 min walk home and difficult explanation ensued!

On a local train from Manchester about 10 years ago, quite busy but everyone had seats. A young man is being sick into a paper bag, obviously mortified. A family playing I-spy get stuck on something beginning with S.... It was SickBag. everyone in hearing distance chuckled, even sick man!

I saw a YouTube video of drunk Irish football fans on the metro in France singing lullabies to a baby, complete with loud Shhhhhhhing whenever anyone got on