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Original poster

Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

277 replies

Bribrielliott · 26/10/2016 13:33

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

OP posts:
ChuffMuffin · 27/10/2016 15:26

And it gets worse, she then refused to give him the ring until he apologised for deeming her untrustworthy???

Err, but she CONFIRMED to your DP that she was and is untrustworthy! And she knows it!

Gretna Green it and don't tell anyone. She'll explode. Grin

PlumsGalore · 27/10/2016 15:31

Oh dear, what a total cow. She has been called out and her precious son has fallen out with her, so now she is embarrassed and diverting all the blame to you.

The simple fact is, she knew about it, she told you and she spoilt the surprise. How can that ever by any stretch of the imagination be perceived as being YOUR fault.

Onnapostit · 27/10/2016 15:37

I agree. Absolutely none of this is your fault and dont even think for one minute that her text had any basis in truth.

She's a piece of work.

Redken24 · 27/10/2016 15:40

Dont let her put you off marrying her son - why cut your nose off to spite your face - if you were happy he was going to propose. what changes? he can re organise something special - dont let this taint a wonderful moment

ample · 27/10/2016 15:47

The verdict is in - she is a manipulative cow.
I'm not in the least bit shocked; my own MIL is from a similar strain of passive-aggressive nastiness.

You have nothing to feel sorry for OP. Telling your DP was the right thing to do. I understand why your DP is annoyed but it's ALL down to his mother. None of this would have come about if she hadn't shown the photo to you deliberately.

she admitted doing it on purpose as she only did it because she felt "left out" for not being the first to know
Hmm This as an adult in action here and yet so childlike and vindictive.

I on the other hand woke up to a delightful message from her saying how malicious I am for trying to turn her son against her
I would leave her to think that. You couldn't change her opinion anyway.
(what did she think you would do, roll over and keep quiet? She had you pegged wrong and this can only be a positive for you)

You say she has never warmed to you and has form for this sort of drama. There is likely nothing you can do to get her to be friendly, so don't waste time trying. And please, do not allow her to mess with any of your wedding plans. A wedding in Gretna sounds just the ticket imo. Or a small wedding hush-hush planning where she doesn't have a clue of any details or even the date.
Distance yourselves from her. Ignore any chipping-in from your SIL and take care confiding in your FIL...he may be unaware and innocent but you know where that could lead.

Hope you and your DP can come together and sort through the anger and frustration this nasty piece of work has caused.

Gottagetmoving · 27/10/2016 15:49

Have only just read all this.
Obviously, your MIL is needy and demanding. That is who she is.
She doesn't like you.
Please don't let her ruin it any more for you than she already has because she would love that. She has to hurt others to get back at feeling hurt herself. She needs pitying.
Your DP loves you and that is all that matters.
Personally, I would have only as much to do with her as was absolutely necessary.
I can't believe your DP came away without the ring though...I can't imagine my DP would allow anyone, even his mother to refuse to give him something that was his!

FeralBeryl · 27/10/2016 15:49

I would try and see the tiny positive in the whole sorry mess.
Your DP is completely on your team. He has confronted her, supported you and believed you. Keep this up and she really won't be able to get in between you.
Try and give him a bit of leeway for being snappy at the moment too, I know you're upset but his poor head must be all over the show!

KarmaNoMore · 27/10/2016 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittlePear91 · 27/10/2016 17:24

Bloody hell, what a total head case! Flowers

And to think you've been together so long with 2 DC's and she goes on like this Confused

I read the whole thread until I went to bed last night, thinking it could well be a misunderstanding and genuinely a mistake that she showed you etc, but after catching up just now, wow! I'm speechless.

Hopefully you and DP can stick together about this; if he ever needed proof that she was a bit unhinged, he's got it now!

TirednessIsComing · 27/10/2016 17:26

She is vindictive and manipulative. I would show your dp the text and just ignore her. Your dp dad should give him the ring back, since he fucked up in the first place.

Your dp sounds lovely and is standing up for you. Don't let it put you off just elope or don't invite her.

JinkxMonsoon · 27/10/2016 17:30

Agreeing with everyone who says it isn't your fault so don't feel bad. And don't let this put you off getting married - like a PP said, you already have children so you'll always be tied to MIL (unfortunately).

Can't believe she's holding the ring to random. She's crackers.

Eloping sounds like a fabulous idea Grin

sykadelic · 27/10/2016 17:36

Agree that your DP sounds lovely and I wouldn't let his awful mother ruin anything for you. He'll get the ring back (I'd get it from his father as others suggested) and I would get married and not tell her.

Those saying get married and not exclude other family etc etc because of her, have obviously never planned a wedding with a malicious family member being excluded. I guarantee she'll do things to mar the day, whether invited or not. Much better for them to do it on their own terms when they're ready then have to worry about what kind of batshit nonsense she'll try next.

CheshireChat · 27/10/2016 17:59

Never blame the child for their crazy parents. I don't really like my partner's family but it isn't his fault they're completely self absorbed.

Maybe propose to him as a surprise? You know he'll definitely say yes at least!

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/10/2016 18:18

At least she owned up to it and has shown him her true colours.

I can't believe she's stolen the ring!! Does his father know?!

ohfourfoxache · 27/10/2016 18:19

Oh op I've just caught up - I'm so, so sorry this has happened. Your update has brought tears to my eyes and I can't bear to think how utterly gutted you must feel Sad

I'm just so sorry you're going through this at what should be one of the happiest possible times in your life.

If you can, try to take a positive from this. It sounds like you and dp are very much "together" and that you're very much of the same mindset

beccabanana · 27/10/2016 18:22

What a nasty, nasty piece of work! Like others have said, don't let it put you off marrying him, she will have won if you do that. Just go to Vegas or Gretna, and don't tell her. I feel so bad for you and your partner. That stunt would be a total cut off in my eyes, I couldn't ever speak to her again

Milklollies · 27/10/2016 18:32

Get the father to give back the ring if he's not a complete spineless tosser. What a cunt the woman is. I think you should say to your dp that things can only escalate from here. The woman sounds like poison it's better for him to cut ties with her now rather than suffer x number of torturous years.

softboiledeggs · 27/10/2016 18:40

Oh I'm so sad to see this update, I was holding out a little hope she'd shown you by accident. What a small, jealous character she is.
Best revenge is to ignore her and live happy full lives together!
For you both WineBrewCakeChocolateFlowers

IAmNotAMindReader · 27/10/2016 18:45

You DP needs to go via his Dad and appeal to his better nature and hope he doesn't side with his mother. She has admitted she's jealous and is in a strop so she's going to hang onto that ring for as long as she can.
Other than that you may end up having to forget it and get another one. Chose it together and make it a big thing you do together, or go via legal routes to get it back. It depends how low she wants to stoop tbh.

IAmNotAMindReader · 27/10/2016 18:45

*your

IAmNotAMindReader · 27/10/2016 18:45

And *choose ffs.

slenderisthenight · 27/10/2016 19:23

I wouldn't question the engagement. I would if your DP had boundary issues with her but he clearly doesn't. She's just an immature, self-absorbed bully and he sees that.

I'm sorry for you but how deeply shaming and disappointing for him. He's gone to all this trouble to surprise you and he's ended up like a little boy in trouble. In front of you.

You say you love him. This is a time when you need to have his back and support him. Don't make him feel the ground is shifting under him when he's been well and truly shafted by his own flesh and blood.

You already have his heart but it will mean a lot to you as a couple if you take the high road, ignore this for the petty drama it is and don't allow your MIL to become the headline in your engagement story.

Ten to one his dad is going to get that ring somehow and give it your DP.

So you know he was planning to ask the question and you like the ring. That's all. Give him a chance to do what he was planning to do, whatever it was. It doesn't have to be spoilt.

I have toxic PIL and honestly, you have to look at what you've got and remember they are powerless unless you give them a stage.

Homebird8 · 27/10/2016 19:35

Don't regret telling your DP. It sounds as if you two communicate so naturally and that's the stuff of a long and happy marriage.

Time for an absolutely united front now. Don't tolerate MIL's manipulation. No apologies for things you (either of you) haven't done. I wouldn't phone the police but I would let FIL know that you expect him to return the ring and give him a time frame. Then find out from the jeweller if you can do the same (return the ring for exchange) and choose a new ring together or ask DP to surprise you.

FIL broke trust. MIL broke trust and manipulated and twisted. I hope SIL keeps her head down.

FlouncingIntoAutumn · 27/10/2016 19:35

This is MILs issue. Don't let it become yours and your DP's.

What you have is two DC and nine years together. What your DP has planned and you have said you'd like is to commit to many more together.

Thats wonderful, thats something to celebrate. So theres been a hicup with the ring, MIL is a bit of a spoilt child (but you knew that) don't let that overshadow the really important stuff.

Selfimproved · 27/10/2016 19:38

Any news on the ring? It's terrible she's keeping it. Will your DP contact the police?