Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

[Bribrielliott]

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

[mastersledge]

I am surprised so many posters are shocked/pissed off that MIL knows, surely it is perfectly normal for a son to talk to his mum about a life changing decision and to get a little support, or to have someone to talk to about being excited etc.

To refuse the ring because mil has seen it is just blood pathetic ( not aimed at op)

Anyway, I would mention it to DP, but after he'd proposed as he's obviously gone to trouble and it would be nice for him to have that moment and you.

[SpaceUnicorn]

Why wouldn't people want a ring that someone else had seen first? What difference does that make? The ring is a token, the promise is what holds meaning. And seeing as most men don't hand-craft engagements rings themselves lots of people have seen them before the bride-to-be claps eyes on it.

I can totally understand a man asking his mum's POV on an engagement ring. Most people don't buy expensive jewellery very often, so he was very possibly anxious about getting it 'wrong' so asked for a female perspective. And asking female friends/colleagues for their opinion might be quite awkward.

[gleam]

Yes - what if it's just a random ring picture and mil's playing games?
I think I'd keep quiet for now.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

You have to tell him that you know at some point. Otherwise your MIL might 'accidentally' tell him that you knew and then lied that you didn't. Don't leave her with any ammunition around spoiling your engagement.

[SpaceUnicorn]

I am surprised so many posters are shocked/pissed off that MIL knows, surely it is perfectly normal for a son to talk to his mum about a life changing decision and to get a little support, or to have someone to talk to about being excited etc.

Me too. But this is MN, where MILs must be perpetually viewed with suspicion and approached only when wearing a biohazard suit and flanked by five bodyguards.

[EllieM22]

I'd tell your DP if i were you, mainly so he can give her a bollocking. My MIL is known for this too but DH goes nuts at her which always makes me feel better!

[Chinlo]

SpaceUnicorn

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

I'm afraid I had the same first thought, what if he knows nothing about any of this and she's engineered this so that you're expecting a proposal that doesn't come? She could be trying to encourage a massive dos and break up. Definitely ask why she had a photo of a ring, rather than shouting 'yes!' at him.

[TheNaze73]

She sounds like a real delight

[SpaceUnicorn]

Space she heckled during the vows?? shock

Well, it's not like she shouted 'don't marry her, she's a bitch!', but she made a few sotto voce comments to DH throughout the ceremony.

She was struggling emotionally, though, bless her. At the time I wasn't impressed, but with the softening of hindsight I can see that it was a tough time for her. She's on her own (DH's dad left her) , and I think she maybe felt like she was being 'abandoned' by another man in her life.

[GabsAlot]

does dp know u dont get on with his dm?


i agree about tellin g him she sounds passive aggressive to me

[pigsDOfly]

Very spiteful thing to do.

Sounds like my exh's mother. When I went to show her my engagement ring she turned her head away, declared, I've already seen it and sort of waved me away.

Agree with pps, let him ask in his time and then tell him.

And speaking from experience, watch your back in future with her.

Oh and of course, congratulations.

[Emmageddon]

Congratulations!!

Bloody hell, just read what cunningartificer posted - she's not that much of a cunt, is she? I hope not.

Hopefully your DP hasn't inherited any of her mean-spirit.

[Morporkia]

DH showed my engagement ring to all and sundry before he proposed, my mum, his mum, his dad, next door neighbour, taxi driver...he gets over-excited bless him...

[TiredBefuddledRose]

I would tell him you know either before of after the proposal because if she dropped the engagement secret on purpose she'll definitely find a way to drop in that you already knew and how good you were at feigning surprise.

[GeorgeTheThird]

Oh don't tell him until afterwards, you'll spoil it!

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

I would be worried that MIL would tell your DP about her 'accidentally' showing you if she really is a shit stirrer.

Then he'll know you know and it will be horrible for him if you don't say something.

[BarInSpace]

Yes, tell him exactly what happened. She was showing you some photos, a lovely picture of a ring came up, and she got flustered, said it would "ruin the surprise" and tried to get you to keep it from him.

He may say "what ring?", or "yes, that was going to be your Halloween present as a small token of our friendship", or - of course - actually propose.

It does sound rather deliberate of your MIL though, whether subconscious or not on her part (she'd totally deny it was deliberate, I expect). Surely if you had a photo of something as important as your son's photo of an engagement ring on your phone, you'd remember it was there!

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Hah! Crossed with Tired.

[SleepyHare]

I agree with betwitched you have to tell him just in case she does. Which by the sounds of it she probably will.

I have to admit my second thought was the same as a few others.... She's not just shown you a random pic of a ring to get your hopes up has she? Are you sure he's going to propose?

[GnomeDePlume]

I would question whether someone was ready to get married if they had to run it past mummy first. Showing her the ring is one thing but getting her opinion is quite another.

[blueturtle6]

Tell.him, let her know you won't keep secrets.
I dislike my mil starting a sentence with don't DH/DS but. ......
Well don't tell me, it puts me in awful situation

[Giselaw]

well she's sort of fucked up the entire proposal. She could cry a river and tell her son how sorry she is she ruined the surprise and how you now know... But of course he'll not say anything because now the surprise is ruined and he'll be thinking how to salvage, meanwhile you'll wait for an imminent proposal every time there's an opportunity that won't be coming ... it's a bloody rom com in the making.

Just say, your mother purposefully-accidentally showed me a photo of some jewelry while dramatically flouncing about ruining your surprise. I've no idea if it's my Xmas gift but it's a giant elephant in the room now and thought you should sort it with her, before she "accidentally" tells me any more.

[Liiinoo]

. My cousin is an orphan so her aunts are very important to her, the only living connections to her mum. The aunt she was probably closest to heckled during her wedding ceremony. Aunt is a bit of a diva and cannot bear not being the centre of attention and throughout the ceremony called out 'witty' one liners like 'you'd rather have me wouldn't you Groom'. My cousin took it in good spirit because she is a lovely, patient girl who loves her auntie. I am glad said aunt couldn't make it to my wedding!

[diddl]

"I am surprised so many posters are shocked/pissed off that MIL knows,"

I suppose I think that it's nice to be the first to know that someone wants to marry you!

When my OH asked me to marry him, he knew that he wanted us to get married & didn't need anyone elses opinion on it. We went together & chose a ring. It needed resizing & we didn't tell anyone until a week later when we had the ring.