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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

277 replies

Bribrielliott · 26/10/2016 13:33

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 27/10/2016 19:41

Hold on, she won't give your DP his (well your) ring back?!!! WTF? I'd call the police in front of her.

CheerfulYank · 27/10/2016 19:45

She did WHAT?!

She is actually insane. DO NOT let this break you and DP up. Don't give her that satisfaction. Elope. Seriously.

Yoarchie · 27/10/2016 19:52

What a spiteful bitch.

I'd text back saying: I'm sorry you think I'm malicious. In fact, I did not want to lie to my dp about anything.

Cherrysoup · 27/10/2016 19:57

Knew it. What a cow. She felt 'left out'?! She does not sound normal.

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/10/2016 20:17

Go away, get married, tell her afterwards and let her have the inevitable tantrum

I would go away, get married, and teller NOWT!

Have a celebratory party/meal for your closest friends and let word get to her through the grapevine.

It might take a day, it might take ten years - doesn't matter. Perhaps she won't find out until she sees you wearing a wedding ring. That's her look-out. She's made her venomous bed, let her lie on it.

Original poster
Bribrielliott · 27/10/2016 21:57

Been gagging to get on here all night but didn't get chance before work! UPDATE.. future fil brang the ring to dp's workplace, then he came to see me with flowers, and explained he was very sorry it all got out of hand and regrets telling her. I genuinely do feel really sorry for the man, I think she bullies him. Dp has been ignoring his mothers calls all day, surprised she didn't turn up there.
I was over emotional earlier and of course would still marry him.
I really like the idea of proposing to him, how could I do it though??
Thanks for all your kind words!

OP posts:
ICuntSeeYourPoint · 27/10/2016 22:02

But he wants to propose. Don't let her take that away from him. Reassure him you're looking forward to his proposal and she hasn't ruined it you will still be as happy, even if not as surprised! Maybe plan it together, or tell him to surprise you - whichever you both prefer. You two can rescue the situation by working together and deciding to enjoy your moment anyway.

PlumsGalore · 27/10/2016 22:07

Lovely update, I think you proposing would be wonderful and whatever she has started you will have finished!

No idea what you should do though.......

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 27/10/2016 22:10

You can take positives from this. Think of all the Pil threads on here where the husband will not stand up to them
That didn't happen. You communicated, calmly, you didn't keep secrets. Dp stood with you and didn't get manipulated by mil. These are all extremely positive things.
Right now I imagine dp is feeling rather bad about it all. go tell him how much his honesty and ability to talk and stand with you means to you. Tell him you know his mum is a bit much but you're proud of him for how he's dealt with this, you'd love to marry him and he can propose any way he likes and you'd be thrilled. I think after the last few days he's going to need a hug. He's a keeper. That's a good thing. Together, you can manage mil.

BlytheOfWindyWillows · 27/10/2016 22:10

Glad to hear FIL saw sense, he must feel awful. I agree with ICunt, he wants to propose, don't let his not so DM take that away.

Libitina · 27/10/2016 22:11

Propose to him tonight and elope for your birthday. Just take the kids with you.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 27/10/2016 22:14

What thehubbles said.

Definitely elope too Grin

ChasedByBees · 27/10/2016 22:15

Did FIL get the ring back? It wouldn't be a proper apology without that I think.

I agree with others that it is a good sign that you and DP talk and he takes your side when it's the right thing to do.

ohfourfoxache · 27/10/2016 22:15

Aw, your fil sounds like quite a sweetie! Utterly downtrodden and bullied, but a sweetie nonetheless!

Only you know what is best for you, but personally I think I'd want to let him propose still. It's something he's obviously thought about, could you be stealing his thunder if you ask him?

I'm so glad he's ignoring her calls, hopefully this will be a pivotal time in any relationship with her

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/10/2016 22:25

Well at least the men in your family are sensible/lovely!

CheshireChat · 27/10/2016 22:33

If you want to propose to him, why don't you buy a cheap silver band or something similar and propose with that?

Unless your DH to be would wear a more... Ornamental ring. You could always remelt the ring to use for something else.

Congratulations btw!

liquidrevolution · 27/10/2016 22:41

Haribo rings! You can get several packs and spend all evening proposing to each other and eating them Grin

TheProblemOfSusan · 27/10/2016 22:45

Your future FIL and DP sound fab - I'm glad you got the ring back, it sounds like your initial reaction to it was that you really liked it. Also sorry your future MIL is batshit.

Poor DP's dad though. What a kind thing to do when his wife is probably acting out badly over this still.

GabsAlot · 27/10/2016 22:53

he does sound bullied poor fil

whatever you do congrats and dont let her manipulate anything

rogertherabbit · 27/10/2016 23:00

I'm with Libitina - propose to him tonight 😊 You can still go and do whatever he had planned for your birthday and celebrate your engagement together

iminshock · 27/10/2016 23:01

Never seen such a display of misogyny on MN
What horrible unnecessary comments towards mil
If my dil asked me to be birth partner i would decline too.

Willow2016 · 27/10/2016 23:04

iminshock

What thread did you intend to reply to? It wasnt this one!

TotallyOuting · 27/10/2016 23:06

Never seen such a display of misogyny on MN
What horrible unnecessary comments towards mil
If my dil asked me to be birth partner i would decline too.

Not quite what the OP's (or anyone else's) problem with the MIL is, though, is it?
Can't work out whether you couldn't be arsed to RTFT or whether you're being a GF.

Willow2016 · 27/10/2016 23:07

Jay
Whoo, result. Your future fil sounds lovely if a bit misguided/bullied.

Your dp is a real keeper, make sure you tell him how much you appreciate the bond you have together. Let him propose when he wants to, it will be special because its him whenever and however he does it.

Congratulations in advance Smile

P.S. Dont breath a word about any wedding plans to that awful woman. Not ONE word Wink

travailtotravel · 27/10/2016 23:10

I think the two of you should just go and get married without her knowing. We how she likes being the first to find that out. What a loon!

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