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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

277 replies

Bribrielliott · 26/10/2016 13:33

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

OP posts:
MilkyMamma · 27/10/2016 14:38

I honestly don't blame you for feeling like that at all.
You can't let her come between you and DP though, that's clearly what she wants.

God I'm so mad for you!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/10/2016 14:39

Nutty cow. Tell her ypu'll report the ring to the police as stolem since she doesnt want to return it to the rightful owner.

BeMorePanda · 27/10/2016 14:41

Elope and don't tell her?

I would be having a dreadful feeling that she will try to undermine or interfere or fuck up any wedding you might have also. She absolutely cannot be trusted to act in anyones interest - not even in her own best interest.

honeysucklejasmine · 27/10/2016 14:47

I do fear this is just the beginning tbh. But that doesn't mean that you and your dh can't get through it together. Learn to just laugh it off.

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 14:49

Your DP stood up to her and challenged her he is with you 100% on this, dont not marry him because of her, he sounds lovely.

Remember you are marrying him and not your MIL..

The wedding is all about you and your DP make it what you want and if she redeems herself consider inviting her to it

Also, what on earth was DPs dad doing showing her the ring, he must have known what his wife was capable of.

X

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/10/2016 14:51

What a fucking BITCH! AngryShock

So so sorry for you, OP, but OMG I'm glad you told your DP about it. By telling him and getting it in the open, you've undermined her nasty little game - ok, she's ramped it up into batshit levels, but you spoilt her initial one upmanship game nicely.

Your poor DP though - what a fucking mother he has!! Feel so sorry for him (and for you, having to deal with her at all).

His Dad is culpable here too - shouldn't have bloody well told her, if they all knew she had form for behaving like a crazed jealous cow!

But now the important thing is for you and DP to stand together and united on this, and not let her get in between you.

TotallyOuting · 27/10/2016 14:53

It's honestly making me question the whole engagement/wedding, I love my dp and would love to marry him but I really do not want anymore ties to her.
What extra ties to her are you going to have that you don't have after nine years and two children? Do not let anyone convince you that marrying your DP means having to put up with any more shit than you do right now. Your marriage, your terms.

pictish · 27/10/2016 14:54

Oh my, she is a one!

That was very manipulative of her indeed.
"You must apologise for not trusting me, even though I did the very thing you felt you couldn't trust me not to."
Oh. Dear.

What does your dp make of his mum now?

LovelyBranches · 27/10/2016 14:54

Oh OP that's terrible. I feel sorry for you and for your dp. He had planned a special moment for you both and trusted his father, he has been let down by his mother and father and unintentially and inadvertently hurt you because of his mothers reaction.

I know you said that you wish you'd never said anything but I think it was for the best. Your dp may want to change his plans, find another way to suprise you or change the ring.

My PIL and DM knew DH was going to propose before he did. We were going away and my mother made it bloody obvious. Thankfully my ruined surprise was done out of excitement and love. This is done out of jealousy and nastiness and that's not on.

pictish · 27/10/2016 14:55

Totally totally.

Underparmummy · 27/10/2016 14:55

Marry this man, he sounds lovely.
Small wedding, just you two, dc and a best friend/sibling each as witnesses then a big party with all family and friends a few days later would be my plan here.

ShowMeTheElf · 27/10/2016 14:57

Gretna Green for your Birthday weekend OP?

CurtainsforRonnie · 27/10/2016 15:01

Get booking for Vegas OP.

BaggyCheeks · 27/10/2016 15:02

Your DP will know exactly what she's up to, so you have him on your side which is the main thing. You've been together this long, I wouldn't not marry him in your circumstances.

GabsAlot · 27/10/2016 15:05

what a horrible woman-u wangt to go nc with this person and live yojur own lives he realises what shes like and u cant let her control you anymore

ToadsforJustice · 27/10/2016 15:06

I would block MIL. I would then send your FIL a text asking him to give DP the ring. If he refuses, your next step is to consider contacting the police as the ring could be classed as "stolen" as your MIL/FIL mean to "permanently deprive" DP - i.e theft of property.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 27/10/2016 15:09

Grief. What a horrible, twisted woman. Your DP needs to get the ring back ASAP - if he can't get it through his Dad then as a previous poster suggested he needs to threaten the police, as she's basically stolen what I can only assume is a fairly expensive item. But to be honest given what's happened with it I would then suggest he returns that ring and you pick out a new one together - one that isn't sullied by being the one his mother 'stole' in a fit of pique.

I'd also like to point out that this is exactly the sort of situation that eloping is perfect for - she will be a nightmare if you plan any kind of wedding, so just don't. Go away, get married, tell her afterwards and let her have the inevitable tantrum. It'll still be better in the long run than letting her spoil a wedding.

CotswoldStrife · 27/10/2016 15:10

Gosh, your poor DP - he's been let down by both his parents there, just when he was trying to do something lovely for you. He must be feeling pretty grim today. See what he wants to do about it all when he's had a chance to come to terms with it all.

As for getting the ring back - I'd put that job on to his father as he has been the cause of it going 'missing' in the first place!

Is there anyone that your PIL would trust who could act as a bit of a go-between and point out to her that her behaviour and attitude has just damaged her relationship with her son permanently as she seems the type to blame everyone else and not look too closely at herself.

TheProblemOfSusan · 27/10/2016 15:11

I think although this is a bit miserable that she tried to spoil such a lovely thing for you, and that she's clearly batshit AND also untrustworthy, you've got a huge silver lining here: your DP clearly has her number and has demonstrated that he's willing to stand up to her on your behalf.

So many people on here seem to have partners that will do anything to avoid this sort of confrontation and at least you know that he's got your back. Personally I think that's a great reason to marry him rather than call it off - though perhaps elope!!

CotswoldStrife · 27/10/2016 15:12

I can see why people are saying to elope, but why should the OP's family and their friends miss out because of the batshit actions of one person?

FurryLittleTwerp · 27/10/2016 15:13

She actually admitted it!

What a manipulative bitch.

Sounds like FIL is scared of her too.

yaffle · 27/10/2016 15:14

Once the dust settles , whatever you do make sure she does not get wind of any wedding plans , she sounds like the sort of person who'd phone up and cancel them .

Onnapostit · 27/10/2016 15:16

I take it you'll be eloping then?

I fucking would with a MIL like her feeling 'left out'. In fact, I cut my DM and MIL abruptly out of any wedding plans of ours because they were starting to dictate certain aspects. I made it clear that we, and we alone would decide what we wanted and if they tried to interfere, we would bugger off with DC to a beach somewhere and come back married. They backed off straight away.

liquidrevolution · 27/10/2016 15:19

Your poor poor DP!

Please be kind and supportive of him. At the end of the day a surprise romantic engagement followed by lovely wedding day is nice but its the marriage that counts. My proposal went wrong and my wedding day ended in tears due to horrible friends. None of it matters now. Trust me on this.

At least you both know how manipulative she is and can act accordingly. Is there any elder or just plain sensible member of the family who can knock some sense into her?

diddl · 27/10/2016 15:21

" your DP clearly has her number "

Shame he didn't have it before now!

Well, has she moved the ring-can't he just go & get it?