Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

[Bribrielliott]

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

[Inertia]

I think her intent was bigger than just fussing about being left out. I think she's done this to drive a wedge between you and your partner, and to deliberately sour what should be a happy occasion for you.

[Lancelottie]

I think it would be nice to lighten things up for the two of you. The haribo rings are a great idea, or you could have a weekly Surprise Proposal Night and take it in turns to propose in unusual places, romantic or otherwise.

[EveryDayIsASchoolDay]

My goodness bribri what an awful situation you've been put into. She's such a loon!
I'm glad it's all out in the open and the ring has been returned. Bless your heart. I hope you can both figure it out so it's still special xxx congrats tho for when it does happen

[TheMaddHugger]

If you turn him down................ the &^&* Wins

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

[IMissGrannyW]

Bribrielliott You're getting married!!!! Soooo many congrats. Really happy for you! Why isn't there a prosecco emoticon!!!

AND I was right in all my pps!!!!! huzzah!!!!. go me! Not the point, I do know!

[Cherrysoup]

Never seen such a display of misogyny on MN What horrible unnecessary comments towards mil If my dil asked me to be birth partner i would decline too.

Either you're on glue, or you ARE the mil in the OP!!

[Willow2016]

Bribrielliot

Sorry got your name wrong a couple of times, doing too many things at once

Cherrysoup:

[shadowfax07]

Never seen such a display of misogyny on MN
What horrible unnecessary comments towards mil
If my dil asked me to be birth partner i would decline too.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this comment. Give your head a wobble from me, iminshock.

[ghostwatch]

It sounds like you should trust your gut instinct that this was a purposeful act and educate yourself as much as possible on toxic people because that's what she sounds like. In reality most people if a photo comes up that is not meant to be seen in whatever context you would quickly scroll past it or move the phone away wouldn't you. In the words of judge Judy "If something doesn't ring true it probably isn't" (excuse the pun) the only way to win with toxic people is not play. I haven't read all the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating but if this was me I would tell my partner exactly what happened. Things don't have to be perfect like on television it can still be magical for you in different ways. X

[Sprinklestar]

FIL sounds like he's trying to do the right thing. I'd go no contact with her, after replying to her text about being manipulative with something along the lines of 'please don't contact me again.' She is spiteful and manipulative and I wouldn't want her around my children. I certainly wouldn't want the tainted ring, either. Yuck!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

"horribly unnecessary comments towards the MIL"

hahahahaha - no. The woman has behaved like an unhinged, spoilt, narcy bitch - she deserves everything she has been called on here.

Also think that iminshock must either be the MIL in question, OR she's out of the same stable.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

Never seen such a display of misogyny on MN What horrible unnecessary comments towards mil If my dil asked me to be birth partner i would decline too.

So you're her mother in law then? You are so off the planet - honestly, everything isn't about you. You can look forward to reaping what you've sowed now.

[laurenandsophie]

Placemarking to read about the proposal!
bribri congratulations, your DP sounds so cute, you sound like you've put in effort with his mum and he is embarrassed and disappointed. I hope all goes well from here on.

[FurryLittleTwerp]

FIL sounds like a nice man - I bet she's made him miserable for years.

[sofato5miles]

For the love of god! The puling in by everyone is unnecessary. Yes, the MIL has fucked it up. Yes, she is needy and self centred but the crowing on here is really distasteful.

Bribrie, i am very sorry that this milestone for you and your DP has been sullied but a proposal does not the marriage make. Anyway, with 9 years and two children, you're already half way there

Don't elope, if you wouldn't have anyway. Everyone loves a wedding and, looking down the barrel of two funerals and a god daughter who is extremely ill, the fun stuff should be celebrated. Wildly!!

Best of luck to you all.

[user1471950254]

DP sounds like a keeper standing up to his Mum. FIL2B needs to grow a pair but doubt that will happen. Please don't propose to DP, he clearly wants to do if so give him time to readjust his plans

[KayTee87]

I really don't think it's strange that future mil has a picture of the ring? He's probably sent her it to see what she thinks and maybe she's excited about her son getting married so saved the picture or it automatically saved from her messages like mine do.
I'm sure my mil has loads of pictures of things to do with our engagement, wedding and new baby - surely that's all normal in the context of a loving family?
Op are you sure she's done this on purpose? Even if she has are you sure she's being spiteful or is just really excited and wants to hurry things along (not her choice obv)
I really wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about this. Congratulations!

[KayTee87]

Omg missed your updates. I hate this app!!!

Ignore what I said, she's nuts

[Willow2016]

Kay
Did you actually RTT?

OP's partner didnt give the ring to MIL to keep for him, didnt send any photos, FIL was supposed to keep it safe AWAY from MIL but he let her see it. SHE took the photos specifically to show OP to spoil the surprise which she ADMITTED, then refused to give it back to OP's partner! Now she is texting maliscious messages to OP.
Yep it was all a misunderstanding

The woman has form for this and OP's partner is aware of it and very upset by her behaviour. She is a manipulative cow who thinks it should have been about her not op and her partner (as she admitted) she has lost all rights to be part of their family from now on.

[Willow2016]

Cross posts sorry Kay see you have updated on what a cow she is.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

To those people who think the MILis sadly misunderstood and needs loving indulgence to make her feel secure - why don't you go and spend some time with the vindictive cow?

People like this may need help and lots of cuddles and reassurance etc, but they are malicious, self-obsessed, spiteful and cruel - they can't see past what they themselves want and will do their damnedest to destroy the relationships and confidence of those around them so that they can achieve and maintain control.

They refuse to acknowledge that they need help, and won't seek it. They don't like anyone to have autonomy and will do ANYTHING to prevent the people around them from living happy lives because they thrive on conflict. They will find a way to ruin EVERYTHING for others - trust me I've had a toxic family member like this, and there is no length they won't go to to blight lives.

OP has tried to be friendly - even affectionate (asking her to be her birth partner) - but MIL has thrown this back into her face. There are children involved in this situation, too - they are entitled not to have their early years poisoned by this venomous , and don't need to get a lesson in being a doormat from parents who kow-tow to a bully.

OP - your DP sounds a lovely man who has his priorities right. Marry him; cut his cowbag mother out of your lives; keep her away from your children (because she will corrupt them and do her best to turn them against you, and then she will destroy their lives, too); don't engage with her - if you meet be polite but as distant as you can be, and if she is rude/self-pitying/aggressive, then remove yourself and your family from the vicinity.

She won't die - sadly - and will move on to another victim - but it won't be you and your loved ones.

Don't let her ruin your relationship.

(And those people that say "you're long time dead" (paraphrasing) and you should all kiss and make up - there are some people so horrible that life is too short to spend time with them. OP's soon-to-be, we hope, MIL is one of them)

[IAmNotAMindReader]

I think the posters proposing making up and accepting MILs behaviour in the name of harmonious family relations are truly blessed to never have encountered this type of toxicity. Of course, they can't understand that no matter what concessions they make if the toxic one wants to make a scene about something they will do it.
In my case it was an extended family member. It was family duty to visit, they were gravely ill (they were in their 60s, healthy as an ox and very spritely) and needed to be rang in advance of a visit so they could prepare themselves. We would turn up, children in tow and the door would be ignored.
Guaranteed not half an hour later our phone would ring and another relative would be screaming down it at how dare we upset beloved relative. We had either not bothered to turn up (despite bing left on the doorstep) or had knocked too loudly and nearly killed them, or had not followed the pre ringing protocol and therefore were deliberately trying to kill them (despite us always ringing first and knocking exactly how we had been told to every single time). Of course they were correct and we were always in the wrong.
If we were allowed inside, the minefield of not being able to do right continued. If one of us offered to make a drink, we were only doing it so we could rifle through cupboards and steal. If we refused any offer of food we were being ungrateful as this person had spent the last of their pension that they could ill afford to spare on us and we should take it. If we did, we were locusts eating them out of house and home and making them wait on us hand and foot like a skivvy.

Of course we only ever found all of this out after the event...every single time they were nice as pie to our faces and would then turn events into a totally different story afterwards to others who would contact us enraged on their behalf.

The most outlandish one was one time when they had come outside to wave us off (to give the impression to neighbours of what a wonderful loving family they had and how doting they were). They came to the car, we said our goodbyes, pulled away and waved. This then turned into how we had tried to run them over and kill them because we just wanted our inheritance (we didn't want any of their money and they wrote people in and out of their will so many times it was 10 times the weight it should have been with tipexx). We stopped engaging, the phone calls were bad for a while but we persisted and are now much happier for it. They seem to have found another scapegoat in the family to berate as well.

Seriously, you can love a family member but realise for your own sanity you need to keep them at arms length and have minimal to no contact with them in order to protect your partners and children.

[HeyOverHere]

If you're on Reddit, please visit /r/JUSTNOMIL. This story would fit in fabulously there. I'm so sorry your fMIL was a git!

[CoraPirbright]

What did you do in the end OP?

[glitterandtinsel]

Get married, but elope with your dcs. I have a mil and mum like this . We're going to renew our vows as a wedding with those two and my horrible dad was not enjoyable at all. Don't blame your dp because his mum is horrible. My mum is frightful whereas I'm a delight!!