Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

[Bribrielliott]

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

[CheshireChat]

Also he might want to wait until Christmas or similar.

[civilfawlty]

Could you propose to him?

[LadyAEIOU]

I don't mean to sound horrid but is it poaaible your MIL would pretend there was a surprise to cause friction if you confronted him? So you are telling him you like the ring etc and he doesn't know what you are talking about.

Agree let him propose then tell him you knew.

[LadyAEIOU]

Not trying to rain on your parade OP but if you MIL likes to cause difficulties between you she might be open to anything.

[BeMorePanda]

of course you should tell your OP what his Mum has done. She is possibly setting you up here! Why would she have a photo of your engagement ring anyway?

It's strange that honesty with ones P wouldn't be peoples top priority.

[blankmind]

Tell him before he proposes....say "MIL was showing me some pictures on her phone and came to one of a ring...she yelled about ruining the surprise
Then if it IS a surprise for you, say can you please not give me that ring. I'd like one she's not seen first
I would
I wouldn;t bloody want that one

This, absolutely this. you are so justified in feeling livid.

Start as you mean to go on, MIL2be has to learn to keep her beak out.

Go and choose a ring with him, one that you both adore and that is special because you choose it together, without her being in the picture.

[Peach9876]

If it was me, I would try to keep calm and convince myself that it isn't an engagement ring. Talk to your DP, tell him what happened, but try to to lay blame on his DM. He needs to come to that conclusion on his own. He might be furious and want details, or he might want to brush it off. Of course you feel how you feel and can tell him as much... but don't be expecting a ring incase his DM is playing games with you.

[Alohamora]

Some of you wouldn't want a ring that your future MIL had seen first?!

I have four sons. I now know that not only will I be kept at arms length from them once they marry, not only will I be limited in the time I may be allowed with potential grandchildren but also now know that if any of my sons show me the ring before they propose it will immediately become sullied and unwanted.

How I look forward to them growing up and marrying .

Some of you need to get a grip and realise mothers of sons may have sons who want to share that excitement with their mother.

[IsFeidirLiom]

Why is everyone saying tell him you know??

Why ruin his big chance to propose?! That's his plan, his moment, you're letting her ruin that too if you tell him!

Let him propose and tell him ... "I had a hint this was coming..." kind of thing.

I wouldn't ruin the big proposal! No way!

[softboiledeggs]

My MIL and FIL saw my ring before me, my DH was excited and they were excited for him/us .... the only issue is OPs MIL has shown her before her DP gets chance to surprise her.
If Ops MIL intentionally did this don't let her have the satisfaction of ruining your DP good intentions, he has bought you a ring he loves, accept it and admit afterwards if need be how you knew. I would be cautious to accuse her of doing it on purpose as she will just say it was an accident but tell him future surprises are best kept to himself in case she is 'forgetful' again.

[blankmind]

Some of you need to get a grip and realise mothers of sons may have sons who want to share that excitement with their mother.

Some mothers need to learn that their future DILs want to be the first to see their own engagement ring and choose it with the man they love with no input from anyone else, becoming engaged is a special time between two people, there's not room in there for mums and mils. After the young couple have chosen the ring together, THEN they can show it to both mothers, as it should be.

[Armi]

Good grief.

[BlueFolly]

I doubt I'd be a good enough actor to pull off the fake surprise response so I would have to tell him.

[glitterandtinsel]

You have to tell him otherwise she'll tell him you know and weren't honest about it. She's trying to out manoeuvre you. Then she can keep her baby and not lose him to you. My mil wrote to me and told me that the day I married her son was the day I split her family forever.

[pregnantat50]

The only thing with telling DP that you know is it may spoil any other surprise he may have planned for the proposal. You know, a wonderful way to ask you in a romantic setting, if you tell him it may just mean he asks you there and then and you miss the special moment if that makes sense. Imagine if he wanted to propose in Paris on the Eiffel tower or a hot air balloon etc.

If it was me, I would wait until the moment and then say you knew already as your MIL told you not to tell him that she had shown you the ring, that way you still enjoy the planned special moment and he can see it for what it is.

XX

[BeMorePanda]

I have no problem with MIL's seeing rings.
Taking a photo is a bit weird, but OK that might happen.

Taking a photo and then OOPS, mistakenly showing your future DIL, "silly me", with who you don't have a fantastic relationship is hugely dodgy.

If the OP thinks she did it deliberately then I'll go with the OP's instinct on that. In which case I'd certainly be discussing the incident with my P.

[BarbarianMum]

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

People like your MIL get away with things because no one stands up to them. I would definitely tell DP that MIL showed you the ring. If it ruins his planned proposal than he can take it up with MIL.

The posters saying that they wouldn't want a ring simply because their MIL had seen it are pathetic imo. I imagine that they create a lot of drama in their lives.

[needasmartnn]

Let him have his moment. Say yes and enjoy his delight. Then tell him that his mother is a sly bitch

[GreyHare]

Good god some people on here seriously need to get a grip, OP I would keep schtum and await the proposal, and then after you have accepted, I would then say you had a hint, say it lightly and humorously as she is his mum and she probably did do it accidentally on purpose because she's probably fit to burst with excitement about you getting married, yes she has tainted it but don't let her ruin it.

Oh and those saying they wouldn't want a ring that the MIL saw first really how incredibly petty.

[Aki23]

Try not to think too badly of your DP for showing future MIL the ring. It might be that he was asking for help/advice such as 'do you think she would like this'. I'd be upset if I found out that way about the ring and would tell my DP.

[TheCatsMother99]

Given you've had a rocky relationship previously, I wouldn't trust her at all so she could have 'accidentally' shown you for a number of reasons.

I think you should find a way to speak to your OH about it, be honest about the whole situation and say about how she was showing you holiday photos and then the ring.

In case she's completely winding you up you could even say that you don't know if MIL was completely having you on or not... that might give him the opportunity to pretend it was a prank (and then propose later so you still get a bit of a surprise).

Your MIL sounds like a piece of work if she did do that deliberately.

[IamWendy]

I think she is trying to find out if she can get you to lie to him, or possibly trying to get something to hold over you? If you lie, she might accidentally on purpose drop you back in it later on.
"Oh, I'm terrible at keeping secrets, just ask brie about the engagement ring kerfuffle!"

[JoJoSM2]

Well, she could have done it out of spite but it could have been out of spite but it could have been out of excitement and being pathetic at keeping secrets. Or perhaps you've had a bit of a rougher patch recently, DP is worried and MIL thought she was helping....

Btw, I also think that it's only natural for people to discuss life changing decisions with their parents and did have a very cringy conversation with my MIL before we got engaged... one of those things.

[shovetheholly]

I think that's a really, really spiteful thing to do. It's a moment that is very special between a couple and she's essentially inserted herself into it. And yes, it does sound deliberate, like she wants you to know that she already knew first and simultaneously to ruin the surprise. My guess is that someone who is that self-centred is like this a lot, so beware!

But don't let her ruin it! Let's face it, a proposal really shouldn't come as a surprise - in the sense that, while the timing might be uncertain, you both must feel things are going reasonably well and thinking to the longer term! So let your DP have his moment and for God's sake ENJOY IT! Then do what cunning suggested on the first page - "Oh THAT'S what that picture of the ring on MIL's phone was all about". That way, he knows that MIL tried to ruin it - but it hasn't worked - and can't be trusted in future. You need to respond to her tricks by reinforcing that this is all about the two of you. And make sure she gets nowhere near the bloody wedding!