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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neglect or just crap parenting?

401 replies

selly24 · 25/10/2016 16:27

Leaving a child age 5 alone in house while running an errand taking 15 mins.
A friend seems to do this a lot. Not witnessed directly but from what parent had said eg ' DC woke up and I was on errand so was upset with me' and from what child refers to or assumes.
Eg when babysitting -' oh, why do I need to come when you go do X? Parent always leaves me here.
Was mortified when first heard bu thought prob a one off, as parent's OH was away, but seems to be a regular thing...am increasingly concerned. Should I be.?

OP posts:
Barefootcontessa84 · 25/10/2016 17:51

WorraLiberty it really doesn't matter either way - if mother has been chosen, it's likely for illustrative purposes. What is your point otherwise?

ilongforlustre · 25/10/2016 17:53

This would concern me OP. I worked with a child who was found wandering outside after being left alone. It needs reporting. In the family I mention there was lots of other stuff going on which was not immediately obvious and they needed (and received) a lot of support. If you don't want to call SS as you haven't witnessed this first hand then can you talk to the child's school or nursery. They will definitely want to know.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2016 17:53

My post said exactly what I meant.

That some people are assuming the parent in question is the mother (because they are).

I didn't say it mattered either way.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/10/2016 17:54

Awful accidents aside, surely a 5 year old left alone in a house would feel frightened? They might be worried if someone starts knocking at the door or just the uncertainty of when a parent will return? (I don't suppose they can tell the time.)

It would worry me that they were locked in completely. It would be better ,but not ideal, if they could leave the house in an emergency or be told to knock on a neighbour's door if there was a problem.

Fleurdelise · 25/10/2016 18:00

I used to walk to school over the road alone at the age of 6 and be left alone if my parents had to go to the shop and I am fine, I knew the rules.

However when I was 9 a boy in my class died suffocated, he was left alone for 10 min while his mum ran to the shops, with his 2 yo sister, played horsey with his sister on his back putting his dad's tie around his neck, tie got caught in a radiator and tightened around his neck, he couldn't loosen it... I keep thinking of it and wondering if it could have been helped, prevented, you can always argue that the mother could have been in the shower for the same amount of time.

TeacherBob · 25/10/2016 18:03

I used to walk to school over the road alone at the age of 6 and be left alone if my parents had to go to the shop and I am fine, I knew the rules.

plenty of children know the rules and then get run over

DixieWishbone · 25/10/2016 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jammiedodgers · 25/10/2016 18:11

I would have left my kids home alone whilst I popped next door or to the shop across the road, but this was in the 80's when we all also left our doors open. I wouldn't dream of leaving my little grandchildren alone now though, not sure what's changed in my mind. Things just seem more dangerous Confused

PersianCatLady · 25/10/2016 18:14

This really annoys me this "it's only 5 minutes".

Well it could be but if something happens to you while you are out say you get knocked down by a car then you may be a lot longer and no one will know that your child is home alone.

flupi · 25/10/2016 18:16

Its not the dome thing now in this day and age. Possibly was normal in previous decades to leave children alone. We molly coddle them a lot more now. So no, in this time and place - it's not appropriate to leave a 5 year old. I wonder, if as the Op said towards the end, the child said ' do I have to go out ' whether the child plays up and mum can't cope with the hassle of getting her out of the house? In which case mum may need support with parenting ?

BoomBoomsCousin · 25/10/2016 18:18

There's no legal age in the UK that a child has to be to be left on their own. It could be neglectful to leave a 14 year old, it might not be neglectful to leave a baby. But you do have to look at all the circumstances and it matters whether you're doing something a lot rather than once or twice because of unusual circumstances. If it happened once or twice I wouldn't be too concerned. But if it's happening a lot, I think that's probably an issue. Especially when the child isn't entirely happy about it (as the being upset because they woke up alone suggests). To me it's also a bigger issue if they can't get out of the house by themselves (and be trusted with that capability), though I suspect that concern is over done because of watching too many fire safety videos.

Nataleejah · 25/10/2016 18:22

*I just love the argument that because children in other countries are fending for themselves that makes it OK to leave a 5 year old alone in the UK.

I am sure if anyone took the trouble to ask those 5 and 6 year olds in other countries whether they would prefer to be fending for themselves or have a family who didn't leave them on their own until they were significantly older they would choose the family every time .*
Its not really 'fending for themselves' to wait at home for a short while, especially if you have tv or videogame on.
But legally, warn your friend. She doesn't want a criminal record if a nosy neighbour or someone else calls the police.

Fleurdelise · 25/10/2016 18:22

TeacherBob I agree, that is the reason for which my DD is not left home alone at the age of 9 even though she does ask, when she knows I am not going to be long she keeps asking to be left behind, I am not ready to do it yet though.

Enb76 · 25/10/2016 18:25

I think I know my child who would rather be on the sofa with a book than come to get some milk with me. She's generally in exactly the same place I left her. She knows how to ring my mother if she got worried. I think many parents can be overprotective and stifle childrens' independence. The risks are no greater than they were in the 70's when I was left at home for hours and had access to a swimming pool. I had a sensible mature 5 year old and I now have a sensible, mature and very independent 8 year old. Life is a risk - I weigh up the risks and decide which ones are worth it. The risk of my child being a pita because I've dragged her away from the exciting chapter is more likely to happen than me coming to a sticky end by walking down the road to get some milk.

Icapturethecast1e · 25/10/2016 18:27

Nah 5's too young it's not worth it. There's no reason not to take the child. If anything happened you would regret it the rest of your life.

alltouchedout · 25/10/2016 18:29

Neglect. The risk of something untoward happening may be fairly small but the consequences could be disastrous.

BlueFolly · 25/10/2016 18:31

I left my DD alone briefly whilst popping to the shops when she was 5. It was fine.

TeacherBob · 25/10/2016 18:41

I left my DD alone briefly whilst popping to the shops when she was 5. It was fine.

Plenty of people do and it is fine. Sometimes it is not though and someone gets hurt. Or kidnapped. Or killed.

If you put a child at risk by leaving them, it is not an accident

sohackedoff · 25/10/2016 18:41

I spend longer than that up the garden sticking washing out and I leave my 6 and 8 year old in the house. Front door is locked. I leave back door open so they can find me. I could have an accident. I could have an accident or die with them in the house.

My kids go upstairs and play or out in the garden. I don't have CCTV on them, nor do I check them every 5 minutes. Do people not do that?

What I do see is parents in parks etc ignoring their kids cos they are more interested in their phone. I think that's neglect.

FromWalesWithLove · 25/10/2016 18:43

Neglect. I don't even leave my 11 year old home alone

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/10/2016 18:47

The TV or videogame are not a babysitter!!!!!

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2016 18:54

I'm always amused by the extremes on these threads.

Some people perfectly willing to leave a child as young as five alone and others who won't leave a child as old as 11 alone.

Why on earth would you not leave an 11yr home alone, assuming they are NT?

Natsku · 25/10/2016 19:02

I am sure if anyone took the trouble to ask those 5 and 6 year olds in other countries whether they would prefer to be fending for themselves or have a family who didn't leave them on their own until they were significantly older they would choose the family every time

Being left home for a short while is hardly fending for themselves, and my 5 year old asks to be left home. I won't do it now because we just moved house and don't really know the neighbours yet (and we're in the middle of renovating so there's power tools and other dangerous things accessible) but I did a couple of times in our old house where she could let herself out and go to the neighbour if there was a problem.

Nataleejah · 25/10/2016 19:02

Extremes maybe because perceptions and situations are different. 'Popping to the shops' can mean a newsagent around the corner for a milk and newspaper, or a massive suburban supermarket for weeks shopping.

NavyandWhite · 25/10/2016 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.