My DH's SN have prevented me from helping a woman in need

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Trying to cut it short - acquaintance I first met 12 years ago, she moved away, lost contact, met her in the street a wee while ago, gave her my number etc....

Her life is a mess. Too much detail would be identifying, but essentially it's a mess, mostly not of her doing....

She phoned tonight when I was dropping my youngest at an activity - she needed a place to stay tonight until she can get to the council offices first thing tomorrow.

I feel so upset as I had to turn her down. My DH is autistic and has social phobia - he simply couldn't have coped if I had brought a stranger home to stay overnight no matter how in need she was.

I had to turn her down - she was in tears and obviously desperate for a place to spend the night. I offered her sleeping bag/air bed etc if she can find somewhere to go but I feel helpless as I couldn't help her.

My DH is supposed to be away with work this week and if he had been away she could have come, but as he is here I honestly had no choice.

I don't have the money to pay for her to have a night in a b&b or anything, and she clearly doesn't have the money either.

Statistically I wish I could write like you! You've interpreted what I wrote, and you've said that and more in such a good way!

Omfg

Am I actually right in thinking MNHQ removed posts where someone described themselves as an autist as others didn't like it.

There's been a lot of ignorance surrounding autism on this thread but that's really insulting.

I suggest everyone have a quick look at The 2015 UK study. It's based on a large-scale study on the terms that UK autistic community members use to describe autism and which terms different groups of people prefer to use.

It's not perfect but at least it's got some scientific basis unlike threads on Mumsnet

Have a look at figures 1, 2 and 3. It's enlightening.

No, someone described the OP's DH as her "pet autist." And that is offensive in the extreme.

The thing is, just because someone has a condition doesn't make it ok to use terms which would universally be considered offensive publically and defend those on the basis they have the condition so that's ok.

If someone used the N word the post would be deleted and nobody would argue that it was ok to use that term just because said poster was black. The person using the term may not be offended by it but the fact it is considered offensive is what warrants the deletion.

Aw thanks PopFizz. Look at us, communicative autists (now going to use that on principle!) :D

Yup, you've basically got it youarenotkiddingme. In fact they deleted it, then the poster came back, explained they were autistic, repeated the post in that context, got deleted again, used the phrase again, got deleted again - I reported my post challenging MN on it and they came back to the thread still maintaining despite the explanations and clarifications that it was disablist.

My ds was being a PITA earlier on today. I suggested maybe he needed some time to decompress and suggested some sensory stuff.

He replied "I'm fine mum I'm just being a naughty auti"

Turns out he knew he was being a bugger, was doing it on purpose (bloody pre teens!) and has decided to himself 'auti' is a word he will use to describe himself. I asked him where he'd heard it and he said he's heard others use it and thinks when he is having a difficult time and stimming etc that he can't control he's going to describe himself as having an 'auti moment'

It's far better IMO than the child who describes himself as the freaky weirdo usually - because I want him to acceot himself for who he is.

'Cos he's bloody fantastic

www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/autist

And comparing it to the n word is redicuous imo.

Look at Dictionary definitions.

Autist is a noun used to describe a singular autistic person.

N word is describe as offensive and contemptuous word - quite rightly.

We are only permitted to use the terms that the neurotypicals tell us to use. If they are offended, then that's all we need to be concerned enough.

We will need to await developments concerning any new terms or language that the neurotypicals come up with, then we'll know what we're supposed to call ourselves.

Until then, prepare to be deleted. We must strive not to offend others.

Ive message MNHQ directly to give my feedback. I would suggest others do too. I've pointed out its a dictionary defined noun.

What amazes me is that Mumsnet can remove autist but seems quite happy to let c*nt be used freely across the board - I find that word offensive and I really can't believe that people think it's acceptable to use against someone they don't know on a public forum Is it really that difficult to be polite?

Excellent point dix

Those stats are interesting Higher, especially number 3, the drop in use of aspie when asked topick just one. Not autist there though?

Youarenotkidding - I'm sure the dictionary definition of the n word was very different thirty, fifty years ago. I was just trying to explain (albeit not well) that terms that people find offensive (racist, sexist, disablist) are forever evolving

Pop

I found the stats interesting too.

It highlights the fact that it's impossible to please everyone. My plan is to try to only ever mirror back the terminology that's used in front of me or to avoid using any term at all.

The thing is that "angry and sarcastic" aren't exactly normal criteria for deletion on MN - threads would have more deletions than posts if they were the criteria. Angry, mean, offensive, unpleasant, rude - they're all permitted unless it's an outright personal attack which this wouldn't be I don't think.

It was deleted for disablism, which means you have to be saying that autist is an unacceptable word, really.

It wasn't the autist that got it deleted though was it? It was the fact it was pet autist I think? Autist has stood in many many messages since after all.

Higher, exactly that - trying to mirror the person you're with I guess. DS doesn't even use any terms like meltdown. He hates the word meltdown. It's an incident. He hates anyone describing his autistic meltdown as such. Though he still describes himself as having 'anger issues' as we haven't managed to get ASD in his language base yet. We need to, but every way I've tried to explain what he has (hes ten) has failed so far.....

Ah yeah, just reread the message on the previous page from MN. Guessing most of our posts this afternoon will go poof then?

Replace "Autist" with "man" or "guy" or something, and imagine the poster she was responding to had said something like "men are useless at cleaning, they just don't see dirt" and she'd responded with "that might be the case for your pet guy, but it's not true for all of them" then it wouldn't have been deleted for being sexist.

You have to say autist is in some way offensive for the sentence as a whole to be offensive or disablist. Sure, calling someone's husband their "pet" isn't especially lovely but in the context of MN it's far from a deleteable offence.