My DH's SN have prevented me from helping a woman in need

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Trying to cut it short - acquaintance I first met 12 years ago, she moved away, lost contact, met her in the street a wee while ago, gave her my number etc....

Her life is a mess. Too much detail would be identifying, but essentially it's a mess, mostly not of her doing....

She phoned tonight when I was dropping my youngest at an activity - she needed a place to stay tonight until she can get to the council offices first thing tomorrow.

I feel so upset as I had to turn her down. My DH is autistic and has social phobia - he simply couldn't have coped if I had brought a stranger home to stay overnight no matter how in need she was.

I had to turn her down - she was in tears and obviously desperate for a place to spend the night. I offered her sleeping bag/air bed etc if she can find somewhere to go but I feel helpless as I couldn't help her.

My DH is supposed to be away with work this week and if he had been away she could have come, but as he is here I honestly had no choice.

I don't have the money to pay for her to have a night in a b&b or anything, and she clearly doesn't have the money either.

I think that's a bit harsh. The term was offensive but it was clearly used in irony, to support the opposite argument.

Ohdear the poster is married to an autist - no excuse whatsover for regurgitating tired stereotypes about them. As trifle said, I was using 'pet autist' ironically (well, sarcastically, to be honest), because I found the disparaging, condescending way she was refering to her own husband to be fucking outrageous, frankly.

Oh, sorry, I forgot; us autists aren't supposed to use sarcasm or irony, are we - we don't understand it.

Thank you for your reply Papaver.

The ignorance regarding autism shown on this thread has made me realise people generally have very little understanding of autism.

I know people who are not on the autistic spectrum (as far as I'm aware) and would be very uncomfortable with having anyone unexpectedly brought into their home, even for a cup of tea. Their wife understands and respects this. Other people find it a little odd, but it's his home, which he's paid for by going out to work every day where he unexpectedly sees other people....

I appreciate that your intentions are kind, Ohdear, but may I respectfully suggest that if you found my post to be 'awful, horrible... and ...one of the top two offensive posts on this thread' (this thread that has been brim-full of disablism, lazy stereotyping and a truly offensive lack of understanding for those who are neurodiverse), then you might want to reexamine your own underlying attitudes to autism.

Papavar, thank you for your thoughts.

As an Aspire with empathy and buckets of sarcasm I had no issue with your posts. There is often a theme of "it know an autistic person and they don't do x" which comes up in discussions about autism.

But then I've seen autistic people told to use person with autism instead, which personally I hate.

Even my phone is trying to censor me. I of course meant aspie

I'm ASD and I have no trouble understanding how someone on the spectrum holds down a job and has a family but would struggle with a disrupted home routine.

I am calm (unemotional) and logical in a major crisis but fell apart when my local Tesco rearranged their shelves and things were no longer where they should be. A lot of us rely on the predictability of little, everyday things to sustain the effort of coping in an unpredictable world.

Thanks Statistically. Even your phone is against us today. I usually describe myself as an aspie, but autist is equally valid and was more grammatically/factually correct in my original post (as they were talking about auties not aspies, and we are both, after all).

Autistic people/people with autism/autistics/autists can describe themselves however the hell they like as far as I'm concerned. It's personal preference. I don't mind 'autistic people' or 'people with autism', dislike 'autistics' as a noun, prefer 'autists' and loathe "he is/I am ASD" (as though the person is the condition!). I bite my tongue when someone says/types "I'm ASD", though, because it's up to them how they self-describe. I think there are more important things to worry about - like tackling the widespread and pervasive misconceptions about autism, like the fact that autists don't have empathy.

I asked MN why I'd been deleted, and was told that I'd made a disablist comment that was derogatory to people with autism. It's fine for threads to stand about 'hating autism' (I haven't been on here much for quite a while, and that thread was one of the reasons why), but not ok to make a sarky comment at someone making lazy generalisations about autists/autistic people/people with autism. Hey ho.

That's absolutely not on. Autist is not a disabling term and if that is the reason for the deletion - not doubting you BTW- then MN are way off base. Autism is diverse and so are the terms which those with autistic spectrum conditions are comfortable with and like to use. Aspie works for me - I tend to tell people I have Aspergers rather than autism as the understanding people have of it better reflects me if that makes sense- but I've been told off for it before.

He is/I am ASD makes my teeth itch because it's grammatically incorrect apart from anything else. I don't mind I'm/he/she is autistic but dislike autistics used as a collective term purely because it's almost always accompanied by bulls hit stereotypes. Although I've used it further up I don't personally like "person with autism/asd" for me as to me it's more of a fundamental part of who I am than a condition I have.

I don't like "person with autism" but fine with "I'm ASD" as a colloquialism (in my head it's just an abbreviation of "I'm on the spectrum"). My phone also often thinks I'm an aspire.

I agree with you about the misconceptions Papaver.

Oops sorry LauraMipsmum the comment about disliking I am ASD was in no way aimed at your post I promise.v

Oddly I only ever use it when I'm talking to a (mostly) NT audience. Or perhaps not so odd, it's mirroring the language used about us, which is probably why it's so tooth-itchy for many.

Cross-posted with you, Laura - wouldn't have typed that if I'd seen your post! It's a common way of self-describing for people on the spectrum (I don't mind that phrase, either, but lots of autistic people hate it ) and most people are fine with it, but it does grate me on me. Many, many things grate on me, though - my issue, not anyone else's!

Let's face it it's not entirely surprising that aspies might be picky

Putting aside my fear of sounding particularly daft, what does NT stand for?

NT = Neurotypical

Of course it's fine to let threads like this stand, though.
AIBU to cry because I hate autism

And I'm the disablist one?

Statistically

Thank you.

I would not have put her up.
Neither should you with 3 kids in the house. That is just daft. You dont know her, other than she is in a mess, and homeless. You knew her 12 years ago, and that counts for nothing.

Sometimes people are a mess through no fault of their own. But if you have young children, you cant just let virtual stranger into your home. Her mess is not yours to fix.

Stat ! Yup, very picky!