To not want to hold her baby??

[randomname456]

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

I had never held a baby until my first was born, my mum had to pick him up because I was too scared to. I still don't hold babies now, because I don't like it.

If I was the Mum of the new baby I would be pleased if you didn't want to hold it! I hated passing mine around!

Gwen, I had a younger sibling but as she was only 18mths younger than me, I'd never held her when she was a baby and I was older than a baby myself really. She didn't have children. I didn't have cousins that lived within 200miles of me so didn't grow up close enough to visit if they had a baby. And I'm not sure what you mean by friends of my parents. I remember a couple of couples that my parents were friends with and we were sort of friendly with their children but those children were of a similar age to us.
As for colleagues, I've never worked in an office environment where I suppose bringing baby in is more common. Even if I had though I would definitely have actively avoided holding anyone's baby. I had literally zero interest in babies until about 9.5mths before we had our first.

Not everyone grows up with a bustling home full of family and friends all the time. And even in bigger families not everyone would actively want to hold a baby. My eldest son is 13. He probably has held both his brothers and his sister at various awkward photo moments but certainly not at any other time. I certainly can't see him volunteering to hold a baby any time soon.

YABU my baby is almost 6 months, my sis in law is 6/7 months pregnant and she never holds my baby I get offended every time as everyone else bes drooling over him

YABU but I get precious about this sort of stuff too so appreciate exactly where you're coming from? Sounds daft to others but if it means that much to you, maybe fib a little and say you're worried you're coming down with something and down want to get too close and pass anything on?

One of my friends has just had a baby and brought him into work and offered me a cuddle - I just said no as I had never held a baby, and she didn't push me.

I'm 46 - and I was telling the truth, I have never held a baby or in fact a child of any age. I don't get why there is so much shock and disbelief at that!

Actually I do - this always happens on MN, people can't get their heads around not everyone being the same!

I'm an only child, I am single so no family children. Most of my friends have no children or older children. When I was younger only a couple of my friends were pregnant during our friendship and for various reasons I backed out of their lives before the babies were born.

tbh it takes enough effort trying to summon a 'he's gorgeous' without sounding totally false!

However most new mums won't push it, particularly if you say you haven't held one before

When i was 7 i had my older cousins baby, who had been 2 months premature, thrust into my arms. It terrified me, to this day (almost 20 years later!) I still remember feeling her little heartbeat and panicking i was going to hurt her.

YANBU, do what you want to do, just say you have a cold.

I could not have cared less if anyone held my baby when she was born. She was not a toy to be passed round.

But i was baby mad at 14 so held loads of babies before I became a mum at 39!

Please just do what you want to do. Life is too short for this sort of worry.

Just make sure you do not sound surprised when you say how beautful the baby is!

Elizabeth "That's odd, IMO. Just hold the baby, it won't "ruin" your own."

IMHO it is odd that other people are so invested in the OP holding a baby before her own!

People do come into my work with new babies but I would not dream of wrestling the baby off them for a hold and, quite unsurprisingly, they are not desperate to pass their newborn treasure around the office. But we all gurgle and smile and say how lovely the baby looks.

I find it strange some really want the op to go against her own wishes and hold another baby really soon to having her own when she has stated that is what she wants to do.

Just feels a bit important to me. is enough of a reason for me.

When I became pregnant I was averse to kids right up until a few days after mine was born, although somehow my own child didn't count and I had no problem holding her. Perhaps this is how you feel, OP?

Other people's kids are not as attractive as your own.

God I hated random people holding my new borns.

Op lots of new mums actually dislike people taking their babies and holding them anyway so she would most probably not want either of you to hold her baby.

Why would you anyway? Newborns arnt parcels. Keep hands off I say

How can you be offended if someone doesn't hold your baby?

Now someone not adoring my puppy that's obviously bat stir crazy but babies are not all that attractive to be honest.

Other people's babies dribble and vomit is pretty gross.

My sil never asked if I wanted to hold her baby, and I didn't ask her as she didn't seem that keen on other people holding her. It was fine to just have a look at her while dp was holding her.

I wouldn't have been offended in a 'but my baby is the most beautiful baby ever how can you not want to hold them' way but I think any awkwardness would have wound me up. A friend of dp and his girlfriend visited when DD was a couple of days old and both ostentatiously averted their eyes and talked quietly to each other when I bfed DD. I just remember thinking fuck off. I'd not slept for days and was still recovering from a long labour and bfing was so painful and I just thought if I was putting all that aside to chat to them they could put their own awkwardness aside too.

I don't really get the 'firsts' things really. I love hearing DD laugh just as much now as the first time, and I don't think holding my second dc will be any less special.

My sister didn't visit for ages because she had a bad cold and then a friend rocked up saying how ill she was. I'm not at all a precious person but I was very worried that DD was going to get ill, so pease don't say you have a cold.

I've been to see new babies and left without having held them..... Because it was sleeping or feeding or 4 other people held it and it was roaring from being passed around....
With any luck you might be able to avoid it. Just busy yourself with making cups of tea and tidying up a little and asking lots of questions and if the mum asks just say you feel like you have a cold coming so you'd 'rather not..., next time though we can swap babies!!'

And some new mothers (me being one of them) don't like their newborn being held by anyone for a few weeks after birth. I was TOTALLY precious about it. Don't feel bad about it at all. He was my first born and I didn't want to miss even a few seconds of holding him. Even got annoyed with husband holding him. It wore off!!!

I am approaching retirement age and have managed to avoid holding babies all my life. I can probably count the times I have been 'forced' into it on the fingers of both hands. I think I have this aversion because I was the oldest of a very large group of cousins and was always left in charge of them whilst our parents did their own thing. To this day, the sound of a baby crying triggers a 'drop kick' reaction (I have never hurt one or given in to this impulse) so I keep well away from babies and made sure I had none of my own. I adore my nieces and nephews and step-daughter now that they are older, and melt into a warm puddle at the sight of baby animals and birds.

Random I was clueless about babies when I had my first, I thought my DP would help a lot and he did, but, when DP went back to work after two weeks I was terrified, having relied completely on him. My comment is more about what you said about him being great with children. Be aware you will be on your own more than you might think, and although you will be working as a team, you do need to make sure you feel happy to care for your baby on your own pretty quickly.

As for holding someone else's baby? You must do as you think.

I think it's entirely up to you whether you hold someone's baby or not, can't imagine they'll be that upset surely.

Iwillorder - I'm very lucky as DP works from home, so I will probably want to do as much as I can on my own, but will have a bit of a safety next as DP will be in the next room. If that wasn't the case, I would be so much more worried!

I've held hundreds of babies (I'm extremely aged) and it's lovely to have a little squash. BUT nothing but nothing can compare to cradling your own baby .. NOTHING.. If you can see it as a little practice. Plus if the new mum offers her new born to be held see it as a privilege because, to her, that is what it is. Wishing you all the best with your baby

The having a cold excuse is the best way to go if you feel like this. However I have to say nothing compares to the feeling of holding your own child so holding someone else's baby will in no way affect it

I think you're as daft as a brush but if the opportunity to hold the baby presents itself (it might not) I'd just come clean and say that you know it's daft but you've never held a baby before and being so close to having your own, you wanted to hold out so the first baby you held yours. I can't see how anyone could be offended by that.

Please don't turn up and say you have a cold.

The midwife impressed on me when in hospital not to allow visitors with colds. It's not a nice thing to do to a new mother.

Pregnancy dizzyness would provide a similar excuse without also making you look like a thoughtless selfish person

Get the practice in just incase you make a mistake and drop it they can be slippery suckers then when you hold yours you will know what you are doing hahahaha. Only joking, I'd put a sling on and tell them I sprained my wrist/shoulder to avoid awkwardness so I don't get handed the baby.

Yes, from a bit older I would have no problem with someone saying they have a cold so won't get too close, but it's unnecessary worry for the parents if you say this and I would remember you as the one who came with a cold forever.