To not want to hold her baby??

[randomname456]

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

Sorry OP I didn't even answer!
YAB a bit weird, but you can be, and thats OK. If you have got this far, why not wait until it's your own.
I got very glad to pass baby to other people with my own. I found it hard to hold/carry/sling them all the time, it starts to feel claustrophobic, but I had very settled babies.

I wouldn't be offended at all if you didn't want to hold my baby but i think your reason is very silly.

YANBU. I felt the same before I had children.

I never held a baby until I had my own - was scared I'd drop it/squish it or whatever but I used to say to people I don't want to thank you - easy - you don't have to

I don't generally hold newborns and allowed very few people to hold mine. Firstly, imo a baby is not an object to be passed round like a doll but a person who feels most secure when in the arms of their mum / parents. Secondly, people carry germs that vulnerable newborns can catch in the blink of an eye. A blocked nose due to even a light cold will lead to even less sleep at night for the already tired parents. Many people forget they have a cold / haven't washed tyheir hands when making a grab for a tiny baby. What I'm trying to say is relax, she might not even want you to have a cuddle. Take a homemade yummy meal, coo at the newborn and then leave them to it.

I loved holding my two babies, but no interest in holding any babies beforehand. Not maternal at all, till I had my own.
Now, I am getting older and never turn down the chance to cuddle a baby, but would NEVER ask. I hate babies being passed round like a parcel. They belong in their mum's arms, or dad. Grandparents at a push. Till their a few months at least!

Oh my, THEY'RE, not their.
I'm ashamed now.

I love a newborn cuddle so I wouldn't be able to resist. Nothing compares to holding your own baby so I wouldn't worry too much just see how you feel when you meet your friend's baby

Agree with busybee also not everyone is keen to pass their baby around. I only did if it was immediate family or if my friends were keen and baby wouldn't be disturbed.

I think it's quite sweet you want to hold your baby first. If you don't want to just say this could you maybe suggest your baby has given some sudden kicks if you're that heavily pregnant and the newborn looks too fragile?

I too think it's sweet. Stick to your guns. You could always come clean to the new mum and explain your reasons. Or say you're too pregnant to hold heavy things. Or say your bump will get in the way. If it's a really new baby, it's likely to be feeding or sleeping and there may not be time for cuddles.

I went out of my way to avoid babies when I was pregnant, felt very overwhelmed and freaked out about it all. Love holding mine though but still don't like cuddling other babies!

Just be honest. I've never understood why a mum would want to pass her baby about for cuddles but tbh felt pressure to do so with mine, even when I just wanted to hang onto him. I'd have been fine if a friend explained it freaked them out a bit - as your friend she'll understand!

Some people are giving the OP a hard time over this. Live and let live, folks!

I always feel wierd holding newborns. I feel like clearly they want mum more than me so unless the mum specifically asks me to hold so she can go toilet or something, I'd much rather do something helpful for them than hold the baby, like get drinks. I wasn't even that enthused by my own newborns tbh, I held them (endlessly...) because they needed it rather than because I enjoyed it.

You could say pregnancy is making you a little dizzy so you'd rather not hold because you're worried you might drop him/her.

i was told when i was pregnant with my first that i should visit a newborn and smell it as that was likely to kick off my labour

Thank you all for the support on the most part! I have no idea why anyone would be offended if someone declined a hold of their newborn. I think when my little one arrives I'll be happy for people to have a hold as nobody would have less experience than me, but I'll leave it to them to decide if they want to.

I've told DP my feelings and he understands, probably because he has witnessed every emotion and worry with me over the past 8 months! So he won't be urging me to have a hold.

I can understand why my reason sounds silly to some but I'm glad that some of you understand it. I won't be using the illness excuse as I don't think it's fair to worry the parents, and I literally cannot lie ever! I think I'll just be honest, I can cope with her thinking I'm a bit weird!

"I don't think it's that weird.. I'd held a few babies only and changed a grand total of one nappy before I had mine. I don't overly get the appeal of other people's babies if I'm honest."

Changing nappies is different. I do find it hard to believe that someone can get to 35 without ever having held a baby. It means not having any younger siblings or cousins or parents' friends having babies and then as an adult not having any friends or colleagues with babies, or always refusing to hold them.

Gwen maybe some of us have smaller families or less friends than you.

Plenty of people on this thread are saying it happens.

It's entirely possible that your friend will be previous about her baby and not wasn't anyone else holding him/her, and all your worrying will be for naught 😊

"Gwen maybe some of us have smaller families or less friends than you.

Plenty of people on this thread are saying it happens."

I don't have a big family or many friends. I don't have any close female friends at the moment and no nephews. Almost everyone has colleagues though don't they? I don't have much experience of holding babies, but it's something that happens maybe once every 5 years on average. Quite strange not to know anyone else with a baby.

In any case, what I find odd is the idea that not having experience is a good thing. I would have said it was a disadvantage that can't be helped, not something to celebrate as if there's such a thing as 'saving yourself' for your own child.

Gwen - I'm an only child and not close to any of my family, we see each other at funerals and that's about it! I've moved around a lot so my friends are spread out around the country so see them all when I can. So that's how I've got to 35 without ever holding a newborn baby! See... not really that strange is it?!

randomname - what about colleagues or do you work alone?

Personally, due to my own family history (babies, everywhere), I find it baffling that someone has never held a baby, but I can see from people's posts here how it's possible if your family background is different. What I do find weird is actively avoiding holding a baby so that the first baby you hold will be your own. That's odd, IMO. Just hold the baby, it won't "ruin" your own.

Gwen - I've always managed teams of people who are a lot younger than me, and the occasional person who has been older has had older children. I haven't worked for about a year now.

I'd never held a baby younger than about 6 months until a few weeks before I had my own. No family with babies and friends all seemed to have them when I wasn't able to visit soon (living overseas!).
A good friend then had her DS 2 months ahead of me and I had several cuddles. I was also was also told that it might help induce labour because they stimulate you producing oxytocin - sadly didn't seem to work.
It's a little odd to want the first baby you hold to be your own but absolutely your right to stick to that. A baby a few weeks or even days old is still totally different to having your own seconds old tiny bundle placed on your chest though. DS is 5 weeks now and already looks and feels completely different.