To not want to hold her baby??

[randomname456]

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

I had DS1 when I was 29 & he was the first baby I'd held.

I just don't like babies, I prefer them at 12 months+ & my all time favourite age is 6. I'm just not a baby person. People bring their newborns to work all the time & I make the appropriate noises & smiles but they may as well be a toad in a bonnet. They leave me cold.

New mothers tend to think of an affinity existing between them & other pregnant mothers though which is why they may offer you a hold. You don't have to but if you've never held a baby before then you may find it daunting once you have your own. A practice hold may help, particularly if you are not sure how to hold & are able to ask her the best way to hold.

I'm possibly projecting here but I found that once I had my newborn everything just seemed unknown, feeding, holding, baths, changing, comforting. In hindsight I should have taken more opportunities to hold a baby then at least I could be confident that I was doing one thing right.

See no problem holding or not holding a baby. I've never done it as have no siblings/cousins. However don't understand why you need to come up with an excuse. If offered just say what you've said here. Do they teach you at antenatal classes how to hold the baby or how will you manage once you are on your own on after the birth?

I was always fairly relieved when people didn't try to hold my newborn. I can't see it being an issue really.

You will see the tiny baby and melt, will want to cuddle it and not give them back. I cuddled my new baby nephew last week, I already have 2 sons who are 9 and 7 and I'm 25 weeks pregnant. He was gorgeous. So tiny and perfect. Made me realise again how lucky I am to have a life growing inside me.

My boss was going through IVF when I brought my new baby into work. I knew she wouldn't want to hold him (and completely understood) but everyone kept saying 'go on X, why don't you have a cuddle', she said she was coming down with something and didn't want to risk passing it on. It was a good excuse and nobody thought twice about it. I would do that in your position.

Not everybody wants to hold babies. I love my own, but have no more interest in holding somebody else's baby than I would in walking their dog.

I've never held any babies other than my own. I always make excuses at work and I thinks friends just started to realise it was best not to ask.
However this has nothing to do with superstition or wanting to only hold my babies. I just don't like babies at all. Full, boring and needy. Give me a 2yr old any day. To me, the baby stage is a necessary burden on the path to having a child.

That should be dull rather than full.

thecatsarecrazy, not everyone feels like you about newborns. I love being a mother; I have 4. But I definitely loved being a mother to a 2yr old more than being mother to a 2wk old or 2mth old. I know lots of parents who feel the same.

I certainly would be rather relived that a visitor didn't want to hold my baby. They are not dolls to be passed around.

I also got very good at discreetly disappearing when work colleagues brought their newborns in to be admired....yes I'm another one who really doesn't do babies.

I quit firmly believe that new baby's (those only days, to a few weeks old) shouldn't be passed around all and sundry. So while I do like a baby cuddles I would always politely say no. I don't think it's good for young babies. I think many parents just ask out of curiosity rather then really wanting everyone to cuddle their newborn.

I think this comes from to many visitors when my own where small, not wanting to give them back.

Random she might. It offer you a hold of her baby. I never offered people cuddles, for two reasons:

I hate babies being passed like parcels

I couldn't bear to hold a baby during our years of infertility and it was dreadful finding ways to avoid it.

Please don't worry about nappy changing. People made an incredible fuss through my pregnancy that I was having twins and had never changed a nappy. I have no idea why - it's not exactly difficult!

They show you how to do nappies and baths in hospital.

I agree with everyone else holding someone else's baby is nothing like holding your own.

However if you really don't want to say something like "she looks lovely and comfy right where she is with her Mummy, don't disturb her for me".

Damediazepam - Nope, never posted about this before as it has never been relevant. Singasong There are no antenatal classes where I live, but from what I gather I think the midwives are pretty helpful with this sort of thing before you leave hospital and DP is great with babies, so I'll be fine

one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own

I would laugh, say "it's a bit daft but..." and tell her this. I would have thought most mothers would understand even if they never felt that way themselves, especially if you are close to your due date.

Don't go. Its ok to want to wait for your own.

I'm amazed at how many posters have only held their own babies or very few. Must be changing times I suppose.
FWIW I expect the new mum won't care one way or the other if you accept or decline a cuddle. I'm always happy to have a cuddle given that mine range from 15 to 30 so it's been a long time since I've had the opportunity.

I make babies cry. Not deliberately! It just seems to be a knack I have. So on those grounds, I often refuse to hold babies when colleagues bring them in.

allnewredfairy, I remember my dad saying I was the first baby he'd ever held and I'm 46 so it's not just a new thing. Maybe because he was the youngest of 3.

To be honest babies just weren't on my radar until I was pregnant. I had literally zero interest in them. I remember catching a bit of a documentary about the mmr/autism saying it was all coincidental as babies first words usually emerged around 12mths and being quite shocked as I thought they walked and talked by about 6mths!

YANBU. When I went to visit a new mum overseas, she told me that in her culture they don't like pregnant women holding newborns. I'd never previously heard of it but it made some sense on a emotional/spiritual level.

I felt awful watching ds get passed around.
Just make a fuss, stroke its head/feet/hands, tell your friend it's gorgeous but you'll pass on holding because (pick one)
Ooh they're so tiny and delicate I'm scared of waking/disturbing it
Bit off balance with the bump, lovely to just sit and chat /see the baby
Terrible carpal tunnel, wrists a bit weak, etc etc.

You're friend just wants to see you and show the baby - they may not want them handed round like a parcel. They may be a bit stressed st having the baby taken off them etc.
Tell her to put her feet up, and make her a few cups of tea/load the dishwasher/make her lunch etc. And make appreciative noises.

I held hundreds of babies before my own due to my job. If anything it made finally being handed my own even more special- a moment I had imagined for many years and thought might never happen.

If a pregnant woman turned down a new baby cuddle I would be surprised but certainly not offended. Do what you think is right.

I'm 35, and have a 4 week old baby.

I used to feel really anxious about holding babies, to the point that I'd want to avoid meeting friends who had just become parents. I was really scared of accidentally hurting the babies, or making them cry, of giving them germs, and of the parents feeling obliged to give me a hold when they might not want to. I'd totally overthink it and work myself into a right state about it.

Had my own baby and have been joyfully picking him up without a second thought since he was born.

Just because you don't want to touch someone else's baby don't mean you'll be no good with your own.

Please dont tell her what some previous posters have said to say, that you have a cold or a sniffle
Perhaps its just me, but there is no way Id go visiting someone with a newborn with a cold/sniffle, or even pretending i had

I do think it's a little odd tbh. I've held plenty of babies, but the first time you hold your own is an experience like no other.

Just coming on to say not uncommon at all to not have held a baby. I don't think I did until I was 28/29. I'm an only child and was last 'baby', not from a family where babies ever bought round. Friends only had babies when older and to be honest, I've never been somewhere where one is 'passed round' - it was just those that wanted to hold did and those that didn't didn't. Really don't think the new mum cared one way or the other! Lots of people really aren't that into holding other people's babies. I don't really get point unless it's helping parents in some way.

If you're with others op just coo over it when they are holding it and don't make any move to hold. It'll be fine!

Well, if you don't want to hold someone else's baby, you don't have to. And you wrote that it's special to you, so don't give up your beliefs.
As for me, I held a couple of babies before having my own and this is not a big deal . But I did fear holding my newborn sun (postnatal depression was wild - I was afraid I would drop him).