To not want to hold her baby??

[randomname456]

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

My very best very oldest friend confessed to me she didn't want to hold my ds when I was pregnant. She doesn't have her own dcs and likely never will and isn't keen on babies or dcs for that matter.

I just said it was fine. I wouldn't force or expect her to. She did have a cuddle in the end as no one else was around and she asked if she could while no one was there. I think she was nervous about people seeing g how uncomfortable she was with him.

Just explain you feel a bit nervous and I am sure she won't mind at all.

Why are so many people suggesting a lie as the solution? "I've never held a baby, and as mine is so near, I've got this funny thing about making mine the first. But isn't (s)he lovely! I can hardly wait!

Yes it's weird, and she'll be offended.

Yes it's weird, and she'll be offended.

No it isn't and, assuming she is a normal human being, no she won't.

YANBU My husband said exactly the same thing before our DD was born. He had never grown up around babies and as such got to an age where he had never held one. Therefore decided that the first baby he held would be his own. My sister had a baby 6 months before we did and he never held her once. I did but I had held lots of babies so totally unfazed me. If I hadn't have held a baby before I think I would have like the first baby I had held to be my own. You are not weird, I think it's lovely xx

Op, you're already holding your baby. Just not in your arms...

She probably is dreading people wanting to hold her baby (I know I hated it with each of mine )

She might not even want you to hold her baby. A "friend" held onto her baby tight the whole time I was there. Like I wasn't good enough or wouldn't be careful enough to hold hers. My DD was 5 at the time. Even if you hold another ten babies before your first it's NOT the same!

She might not want you to hold her baby. You can refuse if she offers. Say that you're sure she'd rather cuddle her baby and you'll make the tea/do the washing up/whatever help you could usefully give.

It's not compulsory to hold someone's baby.

I don't think I've ever asked to hold a new baby when I've visited - I don't really like to hold them. Have no idea why.

Unless they're mine!

If the baby's only a few days old she probably won't want to hand it over anyway!

When I was a few weeks pregnant with my first, my boss brought his few-days-old baby in to the office to show her off. I was used to picking up my nieces (2 and 4 at the time) and I very nearly threw this brand new tiny being over my shoulder because she was so light

Seriously made me wonder wtf I was getting in to and how I'd cope being a parent. And I had to have that thought without letting my face show it because boss had no idea and I wasn't ready to tell him yet!

I wasn't even slightly interested in holding other peoples babies before I had DD, it just made me feel awkward. Now I've had one I am much happier to hold and cuddle a baby, but I still prefer my own! I'd just hold, go "aww" and pass it back after a minute.

Your decision, of course.

But I've been holding babies, even newborns, since I was 9 years old as that's when the nieces and nephews started coming along. But nothing, NOTHING compared to the moment my own child was first placed in my arms. Not just my firstborn, but my second-born also. Holding your own baby, whether it's the first or the fifteenth baby, whether you've held no babies or a thousand babies before, is an experience that is unique unto itself.

I think the fact that u have never held a baby must be quite unusual, and an interesting sign of how we live as individual households rather than in big family groups and close communities. I had several put in my lap to hold before I was 10, I think people just got together more then...

But I'd echo the peeps who have said that she may well not particularly want to hand over the baby anyway - especially if it's her first - I thought it was more that some visitors tend to insist on holding babies (I had people go fetch sleeping baby from another room because they want 'a cuddle'!).

It was holding my friend's baby that got me pregnant with DD1. Indirectly.

I had held a baby, but never changed a nappy or given a bottle to a baby before my own But there's no rule that says you have to hold the baby anyway: if she's asleep, you won't be having a cuddle, and they aren't dolls to be passed around either. So it might not be an issue either

Most mums don't like a new baby being passed around so I doubt you'll be under pressure to anyway. The cold idea or cold sore coming on is a good excuse

If holding your baby as the first baby you have ever held is important to you - I don't get why you would consider changing that for anyone. I feel nervous holding other people's newborns as they look so fragile and precious - and no-one has ever been offended as I just continue to make a fuss of the baby and show genuine interest. Just tell them you don't feel comfortable and will have a cuddle on the next visit.

Honestly, I've only ever encountered on Mn the expectation that people will expect to hold newborns and may feel short-changed if it's not offered. I have a wide variety of friends and relatives on four continents that I've visited with newborns, and unless one of the new parents needed the loo, or wanted a shower or to do something with their hands free when the baby was awake, no one was passing around the baby, which was usually attached to a nipple or in a sling, anyway.

It's better to practice on someone else's than risk breaking your own, I'd have thought.

I would also just tell her the truth- I think it's unusual, but can't see how anyone could be upset by that- I'd think it was quite sweet! Having said that I would never be offended if someone didn't want to hold my baby- I guess because I'm just never that bothered about holding other people's. Agree with you that no point worrying about 'practise'- once you have your own you'll learn very quickly and holding one baby beforehand will make no difference! Good luck with the birth of your little one!

Just make a polite excuse as PP suggested.
I would pre-warn your DP though. Would be very embarrassing if he made a big deal out of it - go on, have a cuddle. Go on, you know you want to.... blah blah blah.
I have never been one for holding other people's babies. Just don't get it. The whole thing where you go and visit someone who has a new baby and people insist on passing the poor thing round the room like a hot potato.

Oh I ask every time! I even used to want to hold babies when I was a child - I breathe in their warm little heads with that special smell. I love newborn babies. Just a shame I couldn't have my own.

I do think your friend might be a bit surprised, but then she might put it down to general hormones/tiredness/irrationality of a heavily pregnant woman. Good luck anyhow :)

I remember visiting my nephew for the first time. I sat down on the sofa and before I knew it, he was in my arms. He was,four days old. I was terrified.

I think it's quite sweet that the first baby you want to hold is your own.

I think it is so strange you have not held a baby. I can't imagine there have been many years of my life, before I had my DCs, when I didnt hold a baby (except when I was a baby).

I'd held neighbours, siblings, family friends, cousins, babysitting, also in work every week now I'd hold a baby. Then my friends, in laws, one nephew. Then since I have had DCs there are a world of babies I have met!

I don't think I realised how baby filled my life has been until now!

MNers probably hate me as I would quite like a cuddle and ask for a turn if a baby was being passed round a room