To not want to hold her baby??

[randomname456]

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

I'm 30 and pregnant and have always avoided holding babies too! I've never been fussed about other people's and a more a bit scared of hurting them accidentally.

With my own it will be totally different because I won't have that fear of being judged for doing it wrong, I'll just get on with it!

That said, I wouldn't say "no" to a hold if directly expected - I'd still play the game and coo.

Roll on bedtime I don't think it's that uncommon. I only have 1 friend with a baby. When colleagues etc come in with them I coo but don't ask for a hold - something about being publically watched when I don't really know what I'm doing!

i held a very new baby and conceived one of my own a couple of days later

i am now scared of holding very young babies but if people put them into your arms while you are sitting it is less worrying.

i think op you should get some practice in

I was a nursery nurse and lots of my friends had kids before I had DD so I had held lots of babies before I first held my own, didn't make it any less special, promise

Each to their own, if you don't want to hold the baby then don't, but if you do then you can always think that your baby will be the youngest newest baby you've ever held.

maybe she wont want you to hold her baby op.
she might be feeling precious too

I am the second youngest of my cousins, the youngest being only 9m younger, didn't live in same town as cousins so never held their babies, I have no friends who had babies, my sister is childless, I was 33 before I held a baby, when my bf had one and then mine a few months later. I really don't see that as weird or unusual.

I've held 4 babies in my 49 years and 2 of them were mine. I've never offended anyone, I've simply only had 4 opportunities.

my work colleague's dd had a baby, and i was one of the first to hold him, now that is quite special, to me.

ds was the first proper baby (under a month) i ever held.
i just didn't know anyone who'd had a baby.
i have found (now i know lots of people with babies) that unless u are besties, people tend to wait for u to ask to hold the baby... your OH can hold the baby and u can make a fuss, it's no biggy. i was always secretly relieved when people didn't want to hold my babies!!

YAB a bit odd, I'd say. In the normal course of events, you'd probably have met a few babies prior to having your own - I think you're only having this "issue" because you're actually pregnant at the moment.
Do you think you'd want to hold the baby if you weren't pg? because if so, then really, just hold the baby.

The only time I haven't ever wanted to hold a baby is when it came out of someone I really didn't like - wasn't the baby's fault of course, but I really really had bad feelings about holding it, just because of who its mother was.

All other times, even when I didn't really like children, I've held the baby when offered - scared stiff half the time! - and it's been fine.

If you're pregnant you have the perfect excuse 'Oh I've been ever so clumsy since becoming pregnant, with my bump in the way I wouldn't dream of risking it, I'm so sorry I'm sure you understand'

Clumsiness is pretty common in pregnancy, so it's a totally believable excuse.

I've never been overly keen on other people's babies. I like them, of course, but a newborn doesn't fill me with a desire to grab them and I don't melt when I see them. I totally get that I'm the weirdo here but that's how it's always been.

When I had them, I never particularly wanted to hand them over either but would if somebody asked to have a hold. Is there something in nature that explains why a mother would want to hand over their baby? I thought perhaps it was to do with the animal kingdom so as to ensure that another mother wouldn't want to hurt your baby but not sure if that's really relevant. Just musing really.

I feel sorry for The poor woman who probably just wants to show her baby off to you and you won't even hold it. Holding a baby is the same as holding most things, even young children can do it.

YABU

You are being a little bit silly but you're heavily pregnant so you are allowed!

Wait and see how the visit goes. You might find the baby is asleep anyway. I once went to visit a friends newborn and arrived to her whispering she'd just got her down - I was gutted as I was really looking forward to a cuddle and, instead, sat and had a cup of tea and gazed longingly at a baby fast asleep in a moses basket for two hours! Another time, the new mum was more a friend of DH's and she just didn't offer the baby to anyone and just kept hold of him the whole time - fair enough!

Anyway, digressing here but, yes, the mum might be perfectly happy to have a visit from someone who doesn't want the baby off her the minute they walk through the door. You don't need to say anything about not wanting to hold him (as you will sound wierd!) but just something vague like, 'Oh, DH you know what you're doing, you hold him first' and then 'he looks so settled with you, lets not disturb him, I'll have a cuddle next time.' etc etc - prime your DH beforehand so he doesn't pressure you.

She might not even let you have a cuddle. My sister in law literally showed her first born to us. We didn't get to even touch him! Btw, nothing but nothing compared to holding your own baby so don't sweat it and have a hold. It's a lovely experience.

You are massively overthinking this. Its a baby, not a nuclear warhead.

I don't think it's that weird.. I'd held a few babies only and changed a grand total of one nappy before I had mine. I don't overly get the appeal of other people's babies if I'm honest.

I posted on a head last this to bewail that new parents always offer a hold as though they're giving a lovely treat. But lots of people posted to tell me I was wrong and they didn't want others holding their baby.

What I'd advise now is to make a good excuse. Lie and say you've been a bit wobbly recently and you'd hate to drop baby so will save the treat for next time. Maybe you'll get lucky and they won't offer?

I've not very held a baby until they're over a year old. I just say I'm not used to them, and would worry about hurting them, by not supporting the head properly. Nobody has minded. If you're pregnant, I suppose that won't wash. Sorry, no help.

I'm glad there's others that feel the same as me, so I'm not being that unreasonable. I've never really seen the appeal of holding a newborn (apart from my own) and passingthrough - I've never changed a nappy, so that is gonna be a fun learning curve!

Anyone who would be mortally offended/hurt by somebody not holding their baby needs help.

YANBU OP but for the sake of greasing the wheels (and since this thread's replies have confirmed that such unbelievably infantile, self-absorbed and neurotic people do exist) I'd tell her you have a chill.

Did you not post the exact same thing a few weeks ago?

I find it weird that someone would be upset that you didn't want to hold their child too. You're there visiting, being pleased for them, cooing... After reading threads like this it's clear that quite a few people aren't happy/comfortable holding babies, so simply hoisting your newborn on someone is perhaps thoughtless. Wait for them to ask?

Meh.

I have a three year old but avoided holding my friends newborn, made me too nervous.

She'll probably be grateful if you don't ask, new babies get passed around like parcels.
I'm not bothered about holding other people's babies (mine is cutest anyway )

Yes I agree with many others, that some of us just don't like passing our babies over for everyone to hold. I hated it, my family are not keen on holding babies (my nan said it was like wanting to hold a bag of spuds).