Man on my course smells bad and keeps getting in my personal space.

[RoundandAroundSheGoes]

Man in my class is over-familiar. Smells dirty, musty, unwashed. Is virally ill with a cough. Frequently rests his head on mine during lectures, cuddles up to me, leans against me. Does this to other men and women in the group.

He is a bit eccentric, as in identifies as non-binary asexual, wears hair clips in his hair and stuff.

I think the asexuality or "ace" thing might be his way of rationalising being too "touchy" with people, i.e. it's non-sexual therefore innocent therefore OK.

I find it really jarring, especially as I am a rape victim and it's uninvited.

AIBU to tense up and move away when he does this, even though he will feel hurt?

Lots of good advice here OP. What did you do?

I would just say "can you give me a bit of space? I'm claustrophobic and get too hot in lectures like this". That way you're not making it personal but telling him you don't like sitting like that.

I'm (high functioning) Aspergers and this would stress me right out. In fact I'd have probably avoiding lectures completely by now for something like this

Any update OP?

Rip his bits off, make him feel non-binary.

I have experienced personal space invasion and the resulting guilt trips because I'm petite and blonde. Men seem to think that they can treat me like a bloody puppy (and get the same results). I have yelled out "Don't touch me" and "I'm here trying to listen to the lecture!" until a lecturer asked what the problem was. He was great. He took me seriously and told me he would support me if I wanted to make a formal complaint - ever, and sent an email around with a dumbed-down list of examples of harassment and a detailed description of the consequences of this kind of behaviour. Oddly enough, most of the men who'd been bugging me recognised me as the victim but not themselves as the perpetrator. They all offered examples of why their behaviour wasn't harassment, "it was just......." instead. They kept up the mansplaining and competitive hanging around my space, and then they all went alpha male and offered to "keep an eye on me" like rottweillers. The touchy-feely stuff stopped, but I honestly doubt they lost their idea of me as a cute and fluffy accessory.

What I'm saying here is that this guy is having a power trip at your expense. He is getting his jollies by touching you and guilt-tripping you into not defining your boundaries. He is attracted to women and you are not attracted to men (no matter what they are wearing). A man who touches a woman against her will for his own enjoyment is a predator. I honestly feel that this guy is a cleverly disguised predator and you need to speak to your lecturer. (Also mention his personal hygiene. It's totally relevant.)

Good luck!!!

I have no doubt that he/it/she/they/majesty/snowflake will be telling people you're a bigot for shunning him/it/her/them/majesty/snowflake.

It's an intuition thing.

You're not. If anyone is rude enough to ignore signals then you should be able to verbalise or action that you don't like it.

Agree Just.

Men bank on women being polite and he doesn't give two shits.

Men use nice as a strategy.

YANBU

It doesn't matter if he's trans, pangender, binary, nautical, animal, vegetable or mineral. He's in your fucking space, he needs to get the fuck out of it.

Do not feel guilty. Do not feel sorry for him. Do not feel you have to justify not wanting a stinker in your personal space. Do not feel you owe him explanations, excuses or reasons.

He knows exactly what he is doing. If he's a member of an LGBT group, he will absolutely be aware of the issues around consent and personal boundaries and respecting them. He's testing how far he can push the boundaries of the students he's invading and he knows that he's pushing them further than he would be allowed to because of the non-binary bollocks.

Just think what you would think, feel and say if it was an ordinary straight bloke who wasn't claiming to be a special sexuality or identity. You wouldn't have any hesitation in recognising this behaviour for the creepiness it is. Put all the trans stuff out of your mind, because it's stopping you recognising what he's hiding in plain sight and making you doubt your own reasonable responses to what is happening. And stopping you and the other students he's doing this to, from speaking up about it. Which of course, is what it is designed to do.