To think well actually I couldn't do this

[couldntlovethebearmore]

Was talking to DH about how I really fancy going shopping and then having a few cocktails at a nice bar however friends are particularly flakey at the moment and he asked why can't you go alone?
I could go on the train on my own into a busy city centre. I could go round the shops on my own and even stop for a coffee/bite to eat on my own. But no way could I go to a bar on my own. And this is where I feel society is most unequal. A woman on her own in a pub is often seen by men as an easy target. And they will attempt to talk to you as being on your own in a bar means you must be looking for company.
Sorry for the rant but does anyone agree here?

lol nothing I enjoy these days is a riot fun! And bog off Bowie with your sarcastic trying to project your issues onto me

Every time I go out shopping alone I pop in for coffee and cake - a treat to myself I thoroughly enjoy. Can't imagine why anybody might think it odd or sad. I'm sure if someone likes to go out for an alcoholic drink alone it should be no different - it's less usual, but should be no different.

I've never had a problem with this. I almost always went alone as non of my friends went to the same places as me. If people tried to talk and I wasn't in the mood I'd tell them but most of the time they were just being friendly because I was alone. If they tried to hit on me I'd tell them I wasn't interested but I actually made new friends doing this. I've always got on better with men anyway so I know guys do have the same problem as well.

I completely understand where you're coming from though. Especially as women are taught early that they're at serious risk in certain situations, but in my experience it's less of a societal imposed inequality and more of a, possibly subconscious, self-imposed one instead.

I've never ever been in a pub for a drink on my own. But have come very close several times recently because I was desperate for a diet Coke over ice (rather than a canteen can) during pregnancy. The only reason I didn't was because it was during work time (the pub is next door) and I was worried I'd get caught out.

But the older I get the more I think, don't ever NOT do something because you're worried about other people's attitudes. Since my MIL and FIL died I've been thinking about deathbed regrets a lot. I used to have a kind of social phobia- but I reckon the time comes when you realise other people's perceptions aren't important and it would be such a shame if worrying what people think had limited everything you'd done for most of your life.

Agree it seems to be more expected that men will go into a pub on their own. My DH will usually break the ice by mentioning football or something. But there's no reason why women shouldn't be able to do the same, my DH wouldn't bat an eyelid at a lone female, but would also be friendly if appropriate.

I have had a drink alone when I am out away from DC's. There should be no reason not to. Friends are flakey and if you wait for them then you miss out. I am planning a holiday alone next year, as husband doesn't want to go to that destination and friends don't want to either.
I have had on an occasion a drunk old man say "has your boyfriend stood you up?" I just said no wasn't waiting for anyone. Which in turn resulted in him trying to talk to me (out of sympathy maybe???) for an hour. That was awkward, but it was a pub on Friday. Wine bars on an afternoon should be fine. Go for it!!!!🍸

I have a dentist appointment up in London this week, so am going to treat myself to a cheeky glass of chilled white at the Haymarket before I head home - assuming the anaesthetic has worn off! #dribblingisnotacceptableinpublic....

Cheers everyone!

Do you know what? I'm just popping out to run a couple of errands. I think I might pop into the pub for a nice ale on the way home.

It is the school holiday and I am child free today after all...

I regularly go into bars alone. I travel on business and don't think hiding in the hotel room in case someone talks to me is a good use of time.

Never had a problem. Don't like the sexist assumption that men are incapable of controlling themselves should they spot a lone woman. It creates a culture of mistrust and otherness.

Would your DH behave like that? Or your DB or DF or when he grows up your DS??

Yay. Pleased to hear you are going to do it. Once the baby starts sleeping properly I'm going to too! X

Could I possibly hijack with a question of my own? I've stated upthread that I am happy to go to the pub alone so not shy of that. I was supposed to be going to a gig with a friend next year involving a night away, which is something we've done before. She's cancelled on me so now I've got to either find another friend to buy her ticket so I've got someone to chum me or let her deal with reselling her ticket and go alone. I'm sort of veering towards going alone. I could have a hotel room to myself, eat where I want, drink what I want, get to the venue early and get right to the front instead of hanging around in a shit cocktail bar when I don't drink cocktails (can't handle mixing drinks anymore), I won't have to put up with her skeevy friend who came last time and threatened to punch out the barman because she's a bad drunk. I guess the idea of doing something alone that I'd normally do in a group doesn't sit too comfortably. I'm not sure why. Maybe it will just remind me that I've got no mates . So what do you think? Will I just do it?

I'd go on my own, Rrross.

I go to a particular small festival every year on my own. Sometimes I get talking to someone, sometimes I don't. It wouldn't occur to me to not go because I had no one to go with. I don't even ask, just buy the ticket and go!

Unless you find someone you genuinely like and think will add rather than subtract from your enjoyment of the gig to take the ticket, get rid of it and go alone! It sounds to me as if on this thread in general that as well as a fear of being sexually hit on, people's fear of doing things alone is largely down to a fear of looking like Billy No Mates, which is ridiculous.

Thanks guys. I've been saying to DH for months that I need a night away alone. I have a dream of a spa hotel with room service and no one to please but myself. I might just tie it in with this gig and have myself a mini break.

Do you know Applecarts it is the Billy no mates thing that's stopping me and it is stupid

Rrross I worried about that the first time I went, but actually, it was fine. Maybe people did think I was a Billy No Mates but it takes a fair amount of confidence to go to a gig/festival on your own so, actually, I think people think you're confident and secure enough to not need someone else to go with you, tbh.

I certainly don't look at people in pubs/at gigs/festivals/etc on their own and think they're a sad loser. I'm always slightly in awe of them, even if I'm there doing the exact same thing!

Frankly, one of my memories of early motherhood was staring in complete envy at women sitting on their own in bars and cafes, and the idea of going to a concert by myself would have made me faint with pleasure.