To think well actually I couldn't do this

[couldntlovethebearmore]

Was talking to DH about how I really fancy going shopping and then having a few cocktails at a nice bar however friends are particularly flakey at the moment and he asked why can't you go alone?
I could go on the train on my own into a busy city centre. I could go round the shops on my own and even stop for a coffee/bite to eat on my own. But no way could I go to a bar on my own. And this is where I feel society is most unequal. A woman on her own in a pub is often seen by men as an easy target. And they will attempt to talk to you as being on your own in a bar means you must be looking for company.
Sorry for the rant but does anyone agree here?

I used to do this all the time before I moved to the sticks where the village pub is tiny and stuffed full of the bowls team (Monday), the bell ringers (Tuesday), the WI (Wed) and the like. Anywhere from central London cocktail bars to rural Irish pubs full of oul fellas. No hassle.

I don't see the problem. At all

Maybe it's more to do with where the bar is, or what type of place it is. At an anonymous city-centre or shopping centre bar, or a hotel, people probably don't bat an eyelid. They're more semi-rural/rural pubs in my area, so that's probably why... I used to spend a lot of time in them pre-DC, so I used to get to hear exactly what some of the locals thought of lone women in pubs sexist idiots. Not projecting I promise!

But why would you let what sexist idiots think of lone women in pubs affect your behaviour? I'd be fascinated as to how they could view a woman quietly doing a crossword or neckdeep in a novel over a pint in a corner as either being some kind of come on or alcoholic, anyway.

No, I much prefer going to places on my own these days. I'm very comfortable in an old men's boozer and also a fancy cocktail bar. I've made a lot of friends this way and it's also how I met my last two partners. I really don't feel sad and pathetic, just liberated and pleasantly squiffy.

Ooh one of my greatest pleasures is sittting in the pub on my own. Good book, holiday brochures, flicking through Facebook, bit of mumsnet or whatever. Just doing nothing much with a nice pint. Heaven.

Very rarely get interrupted by anyone else.

I always go for champagne/cocktail while shopping or in the evening...on my own. Shock, horror.
I find threads like this depressing.

I've very occasionally gone into a pub alone, usually if out for the day and I get hungry or thirsty. Or I'm away alone. I choose the place carefully though. Yet i'd think nothing of going on holiday alone, going shopping alone, into cafes alone, to view films alone. It's a funny old world. Mind you, I drink almost no alcohol so don't go to pubs much anyway.

I am totally happy to do cinema/dinner/drinks/shopping/whatever on my own - I used to travel a lot for work and it was either that or sit in a hotel room. When I was (infrequently) approached by men I just politely fobbed them off and went back to my book.

I go to the pub with my kids all the time, and occasionally alone with a book as well. I agree with others - I think it's your perceptions that are getting in the way of you doing something that you want to, it's in no way a foregone conclusion how things would pan out.

For me, it's not the going into a bar alone bit, but the drinking alone bit that's weird. In fact, if anyone goes alone to drink alcohol it makes me think it's about the drink, not the environment. I think: 'Do they have drinking issues?'

Maybe it's just me. Never really analysed what I think about it until I read this thread.

I used to go to pub after a late shift and have a pint or three. Read my book, smoke, sometimes chat with locals. Totally non threatening environment.
In a non affluent area of a large Scottish city......felt very safe and unthreatened.

I went to the Maldives alone last year, primarily to go diving as DH and the dc are too young/not interested. I supped many cocktails alone and have no qualms doing so in the UK. I've also travelled to Egypt and Mexico alone in pursuit of my diving obsession and never had any issues. I'm a pretty confident and self assured person so maybe I give off 'don't fuck with me vibes'. I think it's a bit sad to feel limited in your pastimes through a lack of companion to join you.

I do this quite often. I live in a London suburb and my preferred places for my treat glass (or three) of champagne are Selfridges/Westfield/ Fortnum and Mason/Saint Pancras champagne bars. Lots of people watching, nice staff, a special treat. I also spend time in a busy seaside town and will do something similar once in a while there, though at the coast it will be a glass of Chablis or a gin and tonic. So far I have never , ever been bothered by any predatory men. I have my book or my kindle, don't make eye contact and have a lovely, lovely time. And although I am no Victoria's Secret model, I am not pig ugly. I do wear a wedding ring though.

OP, you are either exceptionally hot - an irresistible man magnet in which case you are doomed or you are going to the wrong places. I bet if you give the name of your nearest town other MNetters can suggest places where you can enjoy a drink without
being bothered.

I was in Boston for work on St Patricks day last year, out by myself in a busy Irish bar for food, several beers and my book. At one point a man tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to pass him a coaster. And that was the height of my being bothered for the night. In a bar full of fairly sodden bro types.

Can't at the moment because of being knocked up but I would often go to 'my' wine bar in the city I live in on a Sunday afternoon for a glass of rioja and some solitary time. I find it so, so relaxing. Ditto a cocktail by myself in a fancy bar or a nice beer. Tend to stick to a drink because it goes to my head & no fun progressing towards 'drunk' by myself. I really enjoy a few hours of solitary time & don't see many activities as necessitating a group with me.

As to what other people think of me in a bar by myself - if it's that I'm 'sad' then we were never going to have a whole heap in common in the first place.

So, yeah, YABU. You could go for drinks by yourself, more that you don't want to

I don't see the problem of having an early evening cocktail. Later at night I'd probably feel that a bit daft, but it'd depend on the bar/pub.

Lunchtime wouldn't be a problem at all.

I'd never go camping alone!

I don't really have any friends or family. In the last three months, I've been camping, cinema, theatre, football matches, and a three week holiday which involved lots of restaurants and bars. If that makes me sad or as one poster implied an alcoholic than so be it.

Some of us don't have people to do stuff with. Should I be sitting at home with 29 cats waiting to die or something?

I've done this a few times, enjoyed a wine or cocktail and read my book. When I was working away I enjoyed a couple of evenings in the pub reading through reports and having a glass.

I wouldn't go to my local disco bar alone, too noisy and nowhere to sit but normal pubs are fine.

If you were to go shopping first surely you'd be at the bar in the afternoon or early evening? Usually quietest time. I can't agree with you because it's not my experience. Ehy don't you go shopping and then see what the bar looks and feels like? If you aren't keen then go for coffee and cake.

As for flaky friends, that's something else to deal with.

Those of you who can't go to a bar alone because of lecherous men are going to the wrong places. I often go into a bar alone if I'm out shopping and fancy a treat away from the kids. Never had any hassle. And even if I did I'd still go wherever I want and do whatever I want because I'm a grown woman.

DS1 (who is 6) announced that we couldn't go, as 'pubs are a place for men'. I guess if a 6 year old, in his limited experience, notices that pubs are a man's domain, even in the daytime, it's probably true

Or just maybe your 6 year old is wrong and you need to teach him better? Do you also think its true that girls have cooties and poo is the funniest word there is? 6 year olds know nothing.

I'd do it but would feel uncomfortable if I didn't have a book or paper to read. I'd feel a bit Billy No Mates sitting there gazing round.

Wouldn't bother me at all, it'd be a rare treat. Getting completely trollied would be a bit sad but I'd think the same if a man did that.

I think it's a bit sad OP's husband didn't suggest they go together. Her options shouldn't be limited to with friends or alone.

Do you also think its true that girls have cooties and poo is the funniest word there is?

Wow, that's a bit of a leap

6 year olds know nothing.

I disagree. 6 year olds say what they see.

Or just maybe your 6 year old is wrong and you need to teach him better?

Genuninely curious - how do I 'teach him better'? He knows that I go to the pub, with family and without. When he's been to the pub, it's probably about 80% men. Should I arrange for a flash mob of women to attend in his presence to 'teach him' that women can go there too? What an odd thing to say.

You son said that pubs are a place for men. This is factually and obviously incorrect. Is it not obvious how you need to teach him better?