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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a single bed isn't okay for 6ft3 16 year old?

167 replies

Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 18:46

Had an awful row with XH and wanting to check who was BU.

DS, 16 soon to be 17, has told me he doesn't want to go stay at his dads this weekend as he is "being a dick" about his bed. Apparently he only has a single bed and will not buy him a double despite finding the single uncomfortable as he is 6ft3.

I asked DS to find a decent priced bed he likes so it would make talking to his dad about it easier. He found a bed similar to what he has here for £99. I phoned up XH and told him what DS had said and offered to give some of (or all) the money towards a new bed. Nope, he says that isn't happening. His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over.

Surely people can't actually think that? When his girlfriend first started staying a few months back DS only had a single for the first few weeks so they grabbed all the spare blankets and pillows and just made a den for them to sleep in.

DS and his girlfriend are both very respectful so if XH said no to her staying over it wouldn't happen.

I just don't think DS being uncomfortable is okay just because XH doesn't want a girl over. AIBU to say it's fine for him to not staying over anymore even though it's going to piss XH and his family off?

OP posts:
DoubleCarrick · 20/10/2016 22:14

I haven't rtff but dh is 6ft7 and he slept in a single at his parents house until the day he moved in with me two years ago

vghifcqueen · 20/10/2016 22:18

Where has this teens need double beds thing come from? My teen doesn't have a double bed and it has never occurred to me to buy one. I prefer a double but at 5ft 8 I'm perfectly capable of sleeping well in a single bed.

elodie2000 · 20/10/2016 22:19

DS and his girlfriend are both respectful DS says his Dad is 'being a dick"...Hmm
Your ExH doesn't have to provide a double bed for your son just so his GF can stay.
DH is 6'5" and sleeps in a single bed at his mother's house no problem. I sleep on the setee.

EveOnline2016 · 20/10/2016 22:24

Ds has never had a single bed. Sleep is important and I got him a double as it was more comfortable for me.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 23:49

Your ExH doesn't have to provide a double bed for your son just so his GF can stay.

And no one is asking him to! DS wants a new bed as his current isn't comfortable

OP posts:
Willywolly · 20/10/2016 23:54

Where has this teens need double beds thing come from?

There isn't a need its just way more comfortable, especially for taller people. If you had to choose between a double or a single you'd choose a double wouldn't you?

I haven't sleep in a single bed since i was 11/12 and my children had doubles as soon as their bunk beds were gone.

Evalina · 21/10/2016 00:21

DH is 6ft 7" and used to sleep with a chair and a cushion on the end of his university bed. Since then he has always slept in a double bed, so that he can have more room, but despite that suffered from back pain regularly for years.

About 10 years ago we bought a custom 7ft long double bed, and since then he no longer suffers from back pain at all. He manages the odd night in a hotel in a standard double, as long as it's a decent size (but always checks there is no 'end' on the bed).

So I don't think it is unreasonable of your son to want to be comfortable when at his Dad's, and I think if his Dad won't provide a more suitable bed, DS should stay at yours where he is comfortable.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/10/2016 03:49

I don't understand all these people being obtuse and irritating about someone wanting a bigger bed.

It is more comfortable. THats it, thats all, it just is.

If he wants to ignore the rules and shag his girlfriend, he's going to do that anyway whether he has a single bed, a double, a superking size satin sheeted shag palace or some blankets on the bloody floor..

A double is still more comfy than a single.

He's nearly 17, he's discovered that sleeping in a larger bed is more comfortable, he's not asking for something wildly unreasonable, I'd say if his Dad won't allow it, he can always reconsider whether he wishes to stay there.

After all, as adults, who DOES choose to regularly visit and stay with someone who won't provide a reasonable level of comfort for their guests? I certainly don't!

itlypocerka · 21/10/2016 04:11

The diagonal of standard single 190cm x 90cm is a generous 2.1m (6'10") which ought to be fine unless your son is approaching 90cm wide. There's no rule that you have to lie in a single bed parallel to the long axis.

On the other hand it's ridiculous for your ExH to use bed size as a way to veto DS having a gf over. If ExH doesn't want gf staying over then that can be agreed separately without DS's bed size being an issue.

And at 17 your DS shouldn't be forced to stay with his dad if he doesn't want to.

I think all 3 of you are being a bit unreasonable tbh.

Florrieboo · 21/10/2016 04:31

Maybe his dad doesn't want a double bed in that room? We have a spare room with a single bed, I would not like to put a double in there.

enolagayits0815 · 21/10/2016 04:40

I'm nearly six foot and I have my own king size bed, it's bliss as my feet touch the end so I sleep diagonally and am much more comfy. Your ex is bring unreasonable.

mathanxiety · 21/10/2016 05:32

Maybe the solution is for your DS to just forget about the eow thing at his dad's. It sounds as if his stepmum is tolerating him there rather than welcoming him, in his old home, and it sounds as if his dad is taking orders from his wife instead of trying to build a relationship with his son, or engaging in respectful discussion of matters with him.

It's sad to see a teen who feels he is talking to a brick wall when the late teens can be a time to lay a great foundation for an adult relationship between parents and grown children. Instead, this one looks to be getting unstuck.

Are your son and his dad actually getting anything out of the visitation as things stand? Or are they both just going through the motions?

Bananabread123 · 21/10/2016 07:31

Firstly, a standard single is 6'3" long... Was pretty sure but checked to be certain before posting... Not sure where people are getting the idea that they're 6'.

Also finding it strange that so many 'short' people find sleeping in a single uncomfortable. Assuming you've had a 'sleeping partner' at some point surely (unless you like to sleep snuggled up all night which would be unusual) you must find that uncomfortable to, even in a super-king (equivalent to 2 singles) let alone a king (2"6' each) or a standard (2"3').

Unless they're very tall like the Ops son, single beds are absolutely fine for teens and will give them at least and probably more room than they'll have when an adult in a relationship. Yes, people get used to double beds when alone, but to say you need one (unless very tall which is different) is a all abit 'princess and the pea' to me.

Smrendell · 21/10/2016 12:22

Unless they're very tall like the Ops son, single beds are absolutely fine for teens and will give them at least and probably more room than they'll have when an adult in a relationship. Yes, people get used to double beds when alone, but to say you need one (unless very tall which is different) is a all abit 'princess and the pea' to me.

So despite trying to prove people wrong you've actually proved them right there.

noeffingidea · 21/10/2016 13:11

A single bed is absolutely fine. It's also absolutely fine to not allow his girlfriend to sleep over.
Can't believe how spoilt some teenagers are nowadays.

Pisssssedofff · 21/10/2016 13:26

It's not the spare bloody room though is it, it's HIS sons room, the kid isn't s guest

daisypond · 21/10/2016 13:32

I've never heard of a teenager having a double bed. They're single beds because they're for one person. The girlfriend staying over issue is a separate issue. At university they'll have single beds. When I first did housesharing as a young professional I had a single bed in my first two houseshares as well. There really wouldn't have been room for a double bed.

sleepachu · 21/10/2016 13:45

The internet is rife with people who are mad for all sorts of bizarre non-sequiturs involving the armed forces. Who cares what people in the army do? Of all the environments one would hold up as an example for a sixteen year old boy, that one is exceptionally low on the list.

Donthateprocreate · 21/10/2016 13:54

I've never heard of a teenager having a double bed

Donthateprocreate · 21/10/2016 13:55

I've never heard of a teenager having a double bed

That surprises me because all the teens I know, that have room for one, do have double beds. Even on tv shows most the time you see the teens with double beds so I find it hard to believe you've never heard of a teen having a double.

DameXanaduBramble · 21/10/2016 14:16

My not teen has a double, my teen has a king, so there you go, you do know someone now.

ImperialBlether · 21/10/2016 14:43

Never heard of a teenager with a double bed?! Ask around.

My son had a double bed when I went into his room when he was about 14 and I saw just how uncomfortable he was in his single bed. I felt awful - I'd never thought that he was so cramped in there.

My daughter had a double bed when she was the same age - she needed a new mattress and I couldn't see the point in buying another single one.

CCK26 · 21/10/2016 15:56

My partner and I lived with my parents up until I was 25 weeks pregnant with our first - we had to share a single or oh had to camp out on the floor. My younger brothers still lived at home as well so they shared the bigger room (which they had single bunk beds in until I moved out - they were 22 16 and still having to sleep in the bunk beds!) and I had the smaller room which had no room for a double.

MiaowTheCat · 21/10/2016 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BecauseIamabear · 21/10/2016 16:05

What gets me is the way that no one in the bed industry is noticing people are getting taller.

Time was that someone of 6'2" was very tall and unusual.. now you see a lot of people of that height. But bed manufacturers still have not cottoned on to the fact that people are taller and need longer beds. Although they have gotten wider they are still no longer. A standard mattress should now be 7' long.

PS we have a very long bed and it is difficult to get sheetsSad

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