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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a single bed isn't okay for 6ft3 16 year old?

167 replies

Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 18:46

Had an awful row with XH and wanting to check who was BU.

DS, 16 soon to be 17, has told me he doesn't want to go stay at his dads this weekend as he is "being a dick" about his bed. Apparently he only has a single bed and will not buy him a double despite finding the single uncomfortable as he is 6ft3.

I asked DS to find a decent priced bed he likes so it would make talking to his dad about it easier. He found a bed similar to what he has here for £99. I phoned up XH and told him what DS had said and offered to give some of (or all) the money towards a new bed. Nope, he says that isn't happening. His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over.

Surely people can't actually think that? When his girlfriend first started staying a few months back DS only had a single for the first few weeks so they grabbed all the spare blankets and pillows and just made a den for them to sleep in.

DS and his girlfriend are both very respectful so if XH said no to her staying over it wouldn't happen.

I just don't think DS being uncomfortable is okay just because XH doesn't want a girl over. AIBU to say it's fine for him to not staying over anymore even though it's going to piss XH and his family off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:09

Donthateprocreate You're spot on there.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 20/10/2016 20:11

Where can you get a double bed and mattress for £99 from, anyhow?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/10/2016 20:12

Does that mean he didn't get much of a christmas present from his father last year?

I hate it when people agree to buying something then renege for no good reason. My mother has always promised stuff then not delivered. Why?

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 20/10/2016 20:12

I think the problem is that once you get used to sleeping in a bigger bed, it then gets difficult to sleep well in a single bed again. So for all the people saying they never had a problem with single beds when they were younger, how well would they sleep in a single bed now ? I know I struggle myself and I'm only 5ft2.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:12

We have DS1s old mattress sitting on our landing that we need to get rid of but haven't got round too that he was going to have. Plenty of places to get a frame that price.

OP posts:
iminshock · 20/10/2016 20:12

For goodness sake.
Since when did teenagers of any height have some sort of human right to have a double bed ?
His dad's rules in his dad's house

dontpokethebear · 20/10/2016 20:13

Slight tangent. They may be the same length, but my 6'1" 15 yo can now sleep diagonally and is much more comfortable in his double bed.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:13

Does that mean he didn't get much of a christmas present from his father last year?

Yeah, never got his main present and the only thing he asked for.

OP posts:
LIZS · 20/10/2016 20:14

Tbh I think you and he are looking for an excuse for him not to go. Plenty of tall people occasionally sleep on single beds. The odd night won't do harm He'd simply prefer to stay at yours where he can have his gf over at will, your choice but equally it is your ex's right not to. Even if ex provided a double I suspect something else could crop up for him to avoid going.

Smrendell · 20/10/2016 20:16

IMO a 17 year old still living between 2 homes is a bit odd anyway. Maybe it's time he chooses just one. You can tell you ex husband it's because he's now to old to keep moving things between homes and it's easier to be at yours because of work/friends/college if he's too scared to tell his dad himself.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 20/10/2016 20:32

Ok, it really isn't about the bed, is it?

Your ds does not want to stay at his father's house, and is too scared to tell him so.

I don't blame your ds for feeling this way. He is only 17 and it is difficult to stand up to your parents, even if you are sure they are treating you unfairly.

Could you support him enough to say to his dad that he doesn't want overnights anymore as he isn't a child, and he feels it would be a more adult relationship if he visited during the day and enjoyed quality family time with his dad?

His only alternative is to be treated like a naughty 7 year old, no new bed and no sleepovers, until he gathers the courage to have this conversation.

His dad simply isn't prepared to treat him as an adult. If he isn't prepared to treat a 6'3 17 year old as adult enough to decide which furniture he has in his own bedroom, he is never going to unless your ds points it out to him.

It won't be pleasant, but neither will the next few decades if he's always treated as a child.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 20/10/2016 20:50

Good grief! So a tall lad and his mum - who is offering to pay ffs - are entitled because they want him to be comfortable? Confused

This is fuck all to do with the girlfriend staying over - op had already said that he's never been able to have people sleep round at his dad's - it's entirely about a man being an arse about his son having some control over his own comfort.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 20/10/2016 20:54

Actually, scratch "comfort" - this is about him having control over his own life. I wouldn't be remotely surprised if he was like this with the OP when they were together. It's very familiar.

HormonalHeap · 20/10/2016 20:54

For what it's worth I have a 6'3 ds 17 and I have just bought him a double bed simply because I wanted him to get a good night's sleep!

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:56

smrendell Coffeethrowtrampbitch I've told him that he doesn't have to stay there anymore and if he need help to tell him dad then I will help him but he always says he wants to stay, just needs a new bed.

Good grief! So a tall lad and his mum - who is offering to pay ffs - are entitled because they want him to be comfortable?

What I was thinking but hey ho, people can think what they like.

This is fuck all to do with the girlfriend staying over - op had already said that he's never been able to have people sleep round at his dad'

Was wondering how many more times I'd need to say that for people to understand.

OP posts:
ThatStewie · 20/10/2016 20:56

So no Christmas present last year? And unwilling to discuss getting his own son a bed he'd feel more comfortable in? Is he usually this dismissive of his son? Does your son want to continue staying at his Dads? Or is this an excuse to get out of going to stay at the house of a man who isn't really interested in him?

Realistically, you can't force a 17 year old to visit or stay with someone when they don't want too. Even if it is their father because parenting doesn't come with an automatic right to have a relationship with a child.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:57

So no Christmas present last year?

From his dad, he got little bits and some money but his bed was his main present and he didn't get it.

OP posts:
Smrendell · 20/10/2016 20:59

So basically he isn't allowed a new bed because he has a girlfriend? If he agreed to it before and now says no.

Applejack29 · 20/10/2016 21:15

I'm 5"0 and would be uncomfortable if I had to sleep in a single bed. OP's son shouldn't have to 'make do' because it's not totally impossible to sleep in a single bed, he should be allowed to sleep in comfort!

ComputerUserNotTrained · 20/10/2016 21:17

Honestly OP this reminds me so much of the situation with ds, me and his dad.

Ex isn't a bad person at all but really struggled with not being Head of the Household. First he hated me not being dependent on him (progressing professionally, building a life outside of motherhood and of him - to the point where he drove me away) and later it was ds. Ds is taller than him by some inches - it's taken a few years for him to get over that! And then of course ds dared to have opinions.... Hmm

Willywolly · 20/10/2016 22:01

I can't imagine my teens not having double beds. I wouldn't expect them to sleep in singles unless that's what they wanted.

Seems ridiculous to not let him be comfortable just to stop his girlfriend staying over night.

Thefishewife · 20/10/2016 22:04

Dh had to make ds a bed out of pallets and we stuffed the extra pit with loads and loads of pillows

Double beds give no more leg room

PuppetinSpace · 20/10/2016 22:11

I have 3 sons this height. They ll have singles here. Two of them live elsewhere and one does have a double in his rented place, (I can recall which one though!). I've offered the two older ones a double - it would be a squeeze in their rooms but is doable. They've both declined as they are okay. The very tall one (just over 6' 3) sleeps curled up anyway. He loves his bed here - when he comes home from uni, he says the bed here is brilliant and the length doesn't bother him. He certainly spends lots of time in it too.Smile A relative, also with tall sons, got a small double for one and that seems to work - not really comfortable for two but better for one tall person.

user1471524661 · 20/10/2016 22:11

I am in a college with 200+ men aged 38-45, most of whom are over 6ft. Because of the contract that has been set in place, we all stay in single beds Sun-Thu nights, some of them over the weekends too. The point of my story is, whilst it isn't ideal, if they can do it, so can your son. He probably is uncomfortable because of the difference between being able to spread out at yours compared to being scrunched up at his dad's. I do it and it isn't that much of a big deal. Suggest you don't antagonise things with his dad over this.

PuppetinSpace · 20/10/2016 22:13

Typo - I cannot recall not can.

Not RTFT but see there might be other issues too with your ex, OP.