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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a single bed isn't okay for 6ft3 16 year old?

167 replies

Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 18:46

Had an awful row with XH and wanting to check who was BU.

DS, 16 soon to be 17, has told me he doesn't want to go stay at his dads this weekend as he is "being a dick" about his bed. Apparently he only has a single bed and will not buy him a double despite finding the single uncomfortable as he is 6ft3.

I asked DS to find a decent priced bed he likes so it would make talking to his dad about it easier. He found a bed similar to what he has here for £99. I phoned up XH and told him what DS had said and offered to give some of (or all) the money towards a new bed. Nope, he says that isn't happening. His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over.

Surely people can't actually think that? When his girlfriend first started staying a few months back DS only had a single for the first few weeks so they grabbed all the spare blankets and pillows and just made a den for them to sleep in.

DS and his girlfriend are both very respectful so if XH said no to her staying over it wouldn't happen.

I just don't think DS being uncomfortable is okay just because XH doesn't want a girl over. AIBU to say it's fine for him to not staying over anymore even though it's going to piss XH and his family off?

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 20/10/2016 19:11

I'd stay out of it - don't offer to pay again and let them sort it out between them ... just tell your son that he needs to decide whether he goes again or not

titchy · 20/10/2016 19:13

It is your ex's house you know. Kind of up to him how he furnishes it not you.

missymayhemsmum · 20/10/2016 19:14

There are single beds and single beds.. If his dad is refusing to buy a double for ds and his gf and offering a modern 3ft6 x 6ft6 single then that's not unreasonable, but if he is expecting ds to sleep in the kiddy bed he bought when ds was 8 then he is.
Either way, they need to sort it out, I don't suppose you getting involved is helping one bit.

Coughingchildren5 · 20/10/2016 19:16

YABU. And it's none of your business anyway, it's his dad's call and you shouldn't be encouraging your son to make a fuss about it. It is ridiculous that he would decide not to stay at his dad's due to a disagreement about bed length.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:17

Most 16 year olds have single beds and always have done, no matter what size they are.
Just because you have bought him a super king size bed (!) that doesn't mean he should expect that wherever he goes.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:20

His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over

So he doesn't want his 16 year old having girls over at his house, that also seems eminently usual and sensible.

YABU for several reasons, OP.

petalsandstars · 20/10/2016 19:24

So the length of a standard bed is 6'3. How many people sleep with their head actually touching the edge of the headboard? Or feel comfortable with their feet dangling over the edge every single time? Yes you can cope with a board/chair to make do but why not add the extra width to enable some turning space / room for bent limbs / the ability to sleep on the diagonal?

Op could a small double be the answer for his dads? Narrower than a standard but bigger than a single

Jinxxx · 20/10/2016 19:25

I wouldn't be thrilled about my 16 year old calling his father a dick, or having girlfriends stay over, nor would I get involved.

dramallamamama · 20/10/2016 19:29

Most 16 year olds have single beds

Really? All mine had doubles way before 16, so did I, so did DH and so do most people i know.

Notso · 20/10/2016 19:29

DH is 6 foot 4 and a bit. We shared a single bed at his parents for 18 months, our first DC was conceived in the single bed, we slept in it together throughout my pregnancy and we shared it in our first house until our DC1 was 3 months and we could afford a double bed.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:31

Really? All mine had doubles way before 16, so did I, so did DH and so do most people i know

Yes, really. Children have single beds.

Donthateprocreate · 20/10/2016 19:31

I wouldn't be thrilled about my 16 year old calling his father a dick, or having girlfriends stay over, nor would I get involved.

I wouldn't be bothered by my 16 year olds having sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends. Calling his dad a dick isn't the best but he was probably annoyed at that time and didn't mean it. I would get involved in anything that my children wanted me too. The OPs son asked her to talk to his dad.

alltouchedout · 20/10/2016 19:33

Dh is 6'4" and when I met him was living in a flat that only had a single bed. It was fine.

ANewStartOverseas · 20/10/2016 19:35

DH is about that height. In a normal bed, his feet normally stick out of the bed so he is really unconfortable with a bed that has something at the end of it.
If that bed is so a single bed, he doesnt have the possibility to sleep with an angle which means he sleeps badly.

Imo the issue with the gf is another issue altogether. I agree that it is likely that his main reason for the double is for his gf to be able to stay.
I also agree that his dad saying NO should be enough. There is no reason to need another 'reason' as to why it is NO.
Im wondering if your ex isnt thinking abut what HE did as a teenager and think his ds will do the same aka not to be truste and will spend his days in bed with his gf at the first opportunity

Dramallamamama · 20/10/2016 19:35

Yes, really. Children have single beds.

17 year old aren't children though are they Hmm

Sundance01 · 20/10/2016 19:35

I'm going to repeat what some of the others have said - he is nearly 17 therefore he needs to be tackling minor problems such as this by himself. By all means he should ask you for advice on how to handle things but his relationship with his father is something you should definitely be staying out of.

Fairenuff · 20/10/2016 19:35

That's the thing that stood out for me too Jinxxx. It sounds petulant to say his father is 'being a dick' for not doing what he wants.

Also this, anything that will make him happier will benefit me makes it sound like he might be used to getting what he wants and kicks up a fuss if he doesn't.

I would ask him whether he would still want to stay over there if he had the double bed but gf would not be allowed in it. See if he is really after the bed for sleep or for better sex.

ANewStartOverseas · 20/10/2016 19:36

drama I can tell you now that my dcs wont get a double before they are 16yo. There just isnt enough room in their bedroom for that....

ANewStartOverseas · 20/10/2016 19:37

The beds that ARE longer are king siz bed.
I know an 18yo who was given a king size bed to so he would avoid the 'feet dangling off the bed' situation.

2kids2dogsnosense · 20/10/2016 19:37

Double beds are not longer than single beds

No , they aren't, but for someone that tall it gives more room to sleep on their side with knees bent.

I'm 5'2'', and I wouldn't like too sleep in a bed much shorter than our double - double beds are 6'3" in length, and by the time the pillows etc are on, available sleeping length is reduced more than you might think.

And at 16 he's still growing. I think your ex is being unreasonable. He can refuse to have son's g/f there - it's his home, but I think your son is entitled to a decent night's sleep.

therootoftheroot · 20/10/2016 19:37

my 6' 6" 16 year old sleeps in a bunk bed with his little brother underneath.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:37

17 year old aren't children though are they hmm

16 year olds (like the OP's kid/0 are children. It's quite easy; over 18s are adults, under 18's are children. Is that confusing somehow?

ThatStewie · 20/10/2016 19:38

This isn't the same as sleeping on a camp bed at Christmas. This should be his home. It's his father's house and having a bed that is comfortable should be the standard in your own home.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 19:39

I would ask him whether he would still want to stay over there if he had the double bed but gf would not be allowed in it.

He would. He's never been allowed anyone to stay over since XH remarried 6 years ago so he hasn't even asked for his girlfriend to stay there.

I would hardly call him a child, would you? Confused

I understand it's his dad business what happens in his own home, it's exactly what I told DS, I just feel annoyed that he is uncomfy and his dad refuses to do anything about it because he has a girlfriend.

OP posts:
AppleAndBlackberry · 20/10/2016 19:39

An extra long single would be a good compromise, although probably more expensive than a standard double.