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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a single bed isn't okay for 6ft3 16 year old?

167 replies

Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 18:46

Had an awful row with XH and wanting to check who was BU.

DS, 16 soon to be 17, has told me he doesn't want to go stay at his dads this weekend as he is "being a dick" about his bed. Apparently he only has a single bed and will not buy him a double despite finding the single uncomfortable as he is 6ft3.

I asked DS to find a decent priced bed he likes so it would make talking to his dad about it easier. He found a bed similar to what he has here for £99. I phoned up XH and told him what DS had said and offered to give some of (or all) the money towards a new bed. Nope, he says that isn't happening. His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over.

Surely people can't actually think that? When his girlfriend first started staying a few months back DS only had a single for the first few weeks so they grabbed all the spare blankets and pillows and just made a den for them to sleep in.

DS and his girlfriend are both very respectful so if XH said no to her staying over it wouldn't happen.

I just don't think DS being uncomfortable is okay just because XH doesn't want a girl over. AIBU to say it's fine for him to not staying over anymore even though it's going to piss XH and his family off?

OP posts:
Dramallamamama · 20/10/2016 19:40

16 year olds (like the OP's kid/0 are children. It's quite easy; over 18s are adults, under 18's are children. Is that confusing somehow?

The OPs son is almost 17 with a job. He is not a child.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:41

The OPs son is almost 17 with a job. He is not a child

In your opinion. In mine, and the laws, he is a child.

Butteredpars1ps · 20/10/2016 19:41

He might prefer a bigger bed, but he can sleep in a single.

His Fathers objections aside, it is possible for 2 people to have sex in a single bed too.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/10/2016 19:42

The point about a double bed is that you can sleep in it diagonally, thus giving you more length. It is clearly way more comfortable for anyone over 6 foot.
You wouldn't cram a child into a cot that's too small for it, why would you expect an adult/teen to sleep in a bed that's shorter than they are? And as for the comments about men in the forces, well they are not known for caring about issues of comfort, are they?
OP, I totally get why this is an issue, and why you want to help your son deal with his dad. There are a myriad of reasons why your DS might not be able to talk to his father, and I don't underdstand why other posters are making a deal out of that.
Your ex is an ex for a reason!

ComputerUserNotTrained · 20/10/2016 19:44

People talk about mummy's boys, but ime men can get a bit odd about their sons becoming men.

If his dad continues to be such a stick-in-the-mud, your son will choose not to stay there. Which will be a shame (although you say he's afraid of making him angry, which isn't a good situation to be in so maybe the bed is the least of it).

Tall 17yos won't expire from sleeping in a single, but it's hardly hugely indulgent to let him have a cheap double and far, far more comfortable for him.

user1474627704 · 20/10/2016 19:45

If his dad continues to be such a stick-in-the-mud

Not letting your 16 year old kid have sex in your house is being a stick in the mud? Hardly!

AndNowItsSeven · 20/10/2016 19:45

Drama the op 16 year old is a child as he will be when he turns 17. Children can have jobs.

Inertia · 20/10/2016 19:46

To be honest, I'd be more concerned about his fear of angering his dad. What would happen if your son said that he'd visit for the day and come back to sleep at your house ?

e1y1 · 20/10/2016 19:48

Sorry, not RTFT.

But in the UK, beds only come in 3 standard lengths (regardless of whether it's single, double, king, superking).

Lengths are 6' or 6'3" or 6'6".

If it's a 6 foot length, then your DS feet will overhang. But a double will not automatically be longer.

rollonthesummer · 20/10/2016 19:49

At university, everyone slept in a single bed-nearly all of the lads I was mates with were well over 6 foot. I honestly don't remember any one of them mentioning it being a problem. It certainly didn't pose a problem to anyone's sex life.

Omgkitties · 20/10/2016 19:50

user1474627704

I'm sorry but you sound awful Hmm Yes, 16 is still classed as a child but I would view them as such, especially if they are late 16 and have left school and are working. The issue isn't not being able to have sex, the OP has said the dad hasn't allowed over night guests for years so that's not an issue. It's about the bed which will be used for sleeping.

Ingles2 · 20/10/2016 19:50

my 17 yr, 6foot 3 son, still sleeps in an ikea, extendable, child bed! I tried to change it recently when I redecorated, but he wasn't having any of it. Grin
For your ds.. there's no reason why he can't sleep in a single, but he'd prefer a double, that's fine... he might get one if he actually talked to his father, instead of getting you to fight his battles for him.. but at the end of the day, it's up to his dad.

Omgkitties · 20/10/2016 19:51

*wouldnt

Happyhippy45 · 20/10/2016 19:51

Sorry but I think your XH is right on the button. If he gets a double your son will be hounding him to let his girlfriend stay over more often. My son is over 6ft and fits perfectly fine in an IKEA single bed.
Single beds are more romantic 😂

BowieFan · 20/10/2016 19:52

All beds are the same length, aren't they? If not, I wonder how 6'4" DP managed on a single bed every time he went on deployment?

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 19:53

He has spoke to his dad. Last year he asked for a double bed for Christmas and his dad agree but never got round to going out and choosing one as he was always too busy. Then he brought it up again this week and he dad said no and wouldn't give a reason. That's why he asked me to speak to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 19:54

If he gets a double your son will be hounding him to let his girlfriend stay over more often.

As I've said, he has never been allowed sleepovers, even with male friends, since his step mum came into the picture so he wouldn't even ask.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 20/10/2016 19:56

I agree. There is no reason your Ds won't fit in a single bed. My Dh is 6 3 and he had a single bed and then a double bed all 6 2 long or similar. Only when we got a super king bed did he get a longer bes

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 20/10/2016 19:56

Yabu, and u and ur son are being pretty entitled, imo. As has been pointed out:

No one needs to sleep stretched to their maximum height (I suspect it would be quite hard to sleep that way - people bend and r usually more comfortable that way in bed)
No one needs a double bed, ur son just feels he should get one, and ur encouraging that. Students and soldiers manage very well in a single. There are kids sharing beds, and with only a mattress - a single bed is not a problem.
If ur DS really wants it that much, he could save up, but only if his dad agrees - he may not want a double filling up his house (the girlfriend issue sounds to me like he was pushed so much that he felt he had to come up with a reason, when he is perfectly entitled to just say no - it's his house!).
If ur son digs in his heels about going to his dads over not getting what he wants, then so be it - he shouldn't get what he wants thru blackmail, and u shouldn't be joining in against his dad.

titchy · 20/10/2016 19:57

I would hardly call him a child, would you? 
But he's not exactly behaving in a mature adult manner is he asking you to tell his dad how to furnish his house.

You can't have it both ways - he's not an adult and it's unreasonable for either of you to tell your ex what bed to buy. If your ds wants to be treated more as an adult he needs to have a sensible discussion with his dad himself, or live with the consequences, which lets be honest aren't exactly a disaster.

unlucky83 · 20/10/2016 19:59

Dp 6ft 4 - slept in a single bed on and off in rented rooms - and I stayed over ...yes we shared a single -now we share a double ...so he doesn't get to sleep diagonally in that - he's never complained...
I shared single beds with various tall boyfriends before DP...admittedly sharing a single isn't that comfortable - but they usually slept in their single bed on their own ...in their 20s .

Also a 6ft 3in single will have a diagonal length of nearly 7ft... if you can sleep on an angle in a double you can sleep on an angle in single...
As others I suspect your DS is playing you ...and this at the core about his girlfriend staying over...
He does need to sort it himself with his DF ...

butterfliesandzebras · 20/10/2016 19:59

We had narrower than standard single beds at uni and it didn't stop anyone having sex or staying the night in bed together. Or threesomes, for that matter.

So basically I think trying control someone's sex life by bed size is nutty.

Donthateprocreate · 20/10/2016 20:00

To all those saying he should talk to his dad himself, how do we know that the dad isn't abusive? A 16, almost 17, year old scared if his angry dad. Certainly seems it could be that way.

TiggyD · 20/10/2016 20:02

His girlfriend coming over isn't a problem is it. It's possibly having sex which could be an issue, but if they wanted to have sex they could do that anywhere. In the woods, at a friend's house, in a car abandoned on some wasteland, a secluded graveyard, etc.

If not, I wonder how 6'4" DP managed on a single bed every time he went on deployment? Manage? By getting to sleep despite being uncomfortable? I managed in a short bed but I get better sleep now I have a big one.

Original poster
Callmeacxntbut · 20/10/2016 20:06

I get it's a real first world problem and there Are people who have no choice to sleep in smaller beds but DS has a choice and is happy to even buy his own bed. He has told me he would rather live with me all the time and pay rent(not that I'd expect him too yet) than sleep in an 8 years old single bed.

OP posts: