Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Gobsmacked.

Go and rent a room in a shared house elsewhere (preferably with an even hotter bloke).

Given that you are both getting the pleasure of each others company (so that balances out), I would be wondering why he thinks you should be paying the same rent you are paying now in return for losing all your autonomy over your home - hes charging you the price of your own room and youre not even getting that!

I also wouldnt be surprised if youd be expected to contribute half towards things like "replacing the broken boiler" that no lodger would ever have to pay for.

I think the thing thats stood out to me as more than "just thoughtless" is the fact that this hasnt been mentioned until AFTER youve given your notice, it feels like hes expecting to dictate terms to the person in the powerless position, and I would be very nervous of moving in with someone who has that attitude, especially into their house, putting you in a permanently weak position. What happens when you argue, would he expect to just evict you from his house?

Do you know how much the bills are?
Does he realise that getting half the bed etc is hardly the same thing as a room as market value?

Apart from anything else (and I agree he's a tightwad) this is really bad, Unfortunately, I have already terminated my current contract (he had not mentioned this previously), so I suppose I will just have to find my own place. That is shitty. Waits until you are facing having nowhere to live in a tight market. That smacks of either cowardice or control.

Move to a third place.

As a couple you will be £850 a month better off, perhaps £1000 if the op has bills to pay in her current rental that now won't need to be paid. So moving in together they both should benefit. Half of this excess money each. So £425- £500 is the max that she should pay to him so that they both each have £425 -£500 extra to play with. That's fair. This benefits them both to the tune of £425 - £500.

If he was a nice boyfriend then he should allow her to buy somewhere herself, rent it out and just pay half of his bills, but she would be the overall beneficiary in this scenario whereas the one above benefits them equally.

" The value of something is not what it costs to provide, but what it can be sold for.

Well he can't sell someone the right to be his live in girlfriend.
So even by your logic, its value is zero."

I can see the people swarming in now! "Wanted, female tenant to provide girlfriend services in exchange for room in London. Room will be shared with the male Landlord. PCM £850 inc bills". Youd better get in there now OP, quick!

I'm not very surprised no one else has found themselves in a similar situation, although that does highlight how bonkers it is!

I have been the partner with the home (and a mortgage). I wanted more than half bills to reflect the fact that I was worse off with DP living with me as I had a lodger previously in the spare room, but I asked for less than 'market rent' since he had fuck all rights.

Based on everyone’s advice my next move is to just plainly tell him that I have made plans to live elsewhere, as I am not prepared to let him profiteer from me.

Then I will go and do that.

I agree with the comments of ‘if this is what he is like now, what about in 5, 10 years?’.

Are you going to continue in a relationship with him op?

I'm a great believer in protecting money in relationships but this is just blatant profiteering. He sounds horrible.

Arf - £500 for food?!

Wow. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Leave the grabby entitled bastard and find someone who values your company and love more than your bank account

Thank goodness OP! This is quite frightening really - the fact that he thinks this is OK. His house would never be yours in any way whatsoever and you would never be able to suggesting painting a room a different colour for example, or new bathroom /kitchen. NEVER move in with him!

He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties

Adult you say?. You sure about that doesn't seem much of an Adult to me:-(

I own our house outright, could I start charging dh?!

(Lighthearted)

presumably he would also be happy for you to report him to hmrc in relation to this extra income ....

you should also say that he's left you in a bad position given that he sprang this delightful news on you once you'd given notice, and that he's hurt your feelings by trying to extract an unfair deal out of you. I'm wondering how-many other times applicants for this lodger-with-benefits role have refused to accept the job?

Arf; I agree, £500 on food, wine, household would be spent quite easily!

I'm sure I've seen that relationship status on forms:
Married
Divorced
Single
Lodger with benefits
Civil Partnership

850 is taking the piss if there's no rent/mortgage actually owed.

Suppose I own a house, plus a share portfolio worth as much as the mortgage that generates exactly enough money to pay the mortgage interest. If I sell the shares and pay off the mortgage, my net worth as well as my net income after outgoings are both unchanged, and the value my hypothetical partner gets from living in my house is unchanged, but according to your logic, for some reason that partner should suddenly contribute less, making me worse off?

Or suppose I increase the mortgage by 100K, so I can buy a Ferrari. According to your logic, that partner should now pay more?

In my way of looking at things, if someone with separate finances is living in a house that is mine, if I do want to charge them for that, it should be related to the value of what I'm giving them. Which has absolutely bugger-all to do with the size of any costs to me of having that house. My mortgage outgoings, if any, are irrelevant, they are just a side-effect of my overall financial plan at a point in time.

yes it's every single person's dream isn't it, to find someone that will charge market rent for half a room whilst sleeping with them!

Good plan op. My take is if he's being pressured by the trustees to charge rent to protect his investment, he could charge nominal rent. The other option would be to get a solicitor agreement that you wouldn't go for the property and instead set cash aside for you as a couple to protect you in case of a split. He really doesn't seem interested in protecting your financial interests. Only his own.

if I do want to charge them for that, it should be related to the value of what I'm giving them.

So romantic.

Omg, what a Tosser! Tell him you are fine where you are Thanks and dump his tight ass quick sticks! Half of bills and food would have been reasonable but what he is proposing is utterly ridiculous, especially as he doesn't have a mortgage to pay anyway! I'm sure you can find yourself a much nicer, kinder partner than him. Good luck!

Excellent point theoretician