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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

681 replies

user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 12:15

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

OP posts:
Meadows76 · 20/10/2016 20:53

I would tell him to fuck off.

GardenGeek · 20/10/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 20:55

If he is going to take rent of her then he has to declare it and pay tax so none of it makes sense to me. He would be losing a percentage of the income he is receiving from the op.

In all honesty if he don't trust you then how will this relationship survive. What does he want the cash for anyway. If he don't want you to just pay half the bills and pay for the upkeep of the house. Then he doesn't trust you and relationships like that are doomed to fail.

Blancheneige1 · 20/10/2016 20:56

When I moved in with boyfriend/now DH, I agreed to pay less than half his rather hefty mortgage and we split grocery bills. But any maintenance to the flat or tax is on his account. I could afford it and wanted to help him out with a rather stupidly big mortgage that was eating up his salary. I don't have a stake in the flat so maybe I have been foolish but the rent wasn't more than I was paying before so it wasn't a big loss for me.
This is a long way of saying "it depends" on your circumstances. I'd question the market rate, especially if it's much more than your current rent, and I'd question what he wants to do with the money - if he puts all or a good chunk in a joint account that you use to buy a future home or split if you split, that's a different matter.
But if things are going well, you trust him and you're happy to contribute something (though maybe not what a paying flatmate might) then paying some form of rent is reasonable. But £850 if he doesn't have a mortgage does seem excessive.

GardenGeek · 20/10/2016 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoinItFine · 20/10/2016 20:56

He would be just as free to rent his spare room if the OP moved in as he has been in all the time he has not bothered to do so.

Her moving into his bed denies him nothing he hasn't got now.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 20:59

Wine Grin GardenGeek

OP posts:
Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 21:00

Have you spoken to him since op?

Do you see the relationship going anywhere now?

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 21:04

He is upset with me for suggesting he might be trying to make money out of me. Apparently this was not his intention (although I'm not sure what he thought the ££ was for).

Not sure if I see the relationship going anywhere. I've made it clear we aren't going to live together. So probably not good news.

OP posts:
TheSkyAtNight · 20/10/2016 21:10

You've dodged a bullet then

ZuleikaDobson · 20/10/2016 21:10

I think the going rate given was actually over £1000. So effectively he is offering a minimum of £150 or £1800 a year discount!

No, Somerset, that would be the going rate for a single room in something like a London flat, accompanied by full tenants' rights. I have no idea what the going rate is for rent where you share a room with the landlord, have no tenants' rights, and you get to cook, clean, wash, wash up, shop, etc, but I'm guessing it's pretty minimal.

scaryclown · 20/10/2016 21:12

write to tt ustees, offer to pay 850 to the trust on the condition you are included as a beneficiary of the trust...??Grin

HillaryFTW · 20/10/2016 21:16

Where posters contribute to their DP's mortgage, they are usually advised to be put onto the deeds in some way so they have some claim on the asset in line with their contribution.

If op's DP was proposing this, it would be different, but he isn't,

venusinscorpio · 20/10/2016 21:19

OP would have no security. She'd be putting herself into a very precarious position where OP could kick her out into the street if he felt like it. It's not a tenancy with rights, as a pp said. She'd be a lodger.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2016 21:19

OP so is what* garden saying is true! He virtually lives bill free, so if that is so, he will be profiting from you, leaving you poorer, whilst he gains. Why would a supposidly loving partner do that! You have dodged a bullet there. This is not how a loving partner behaves.

venusinscorpio · 20/10/2016 21:19

*OPs DP could

GardenGeek · 20/10/2016 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 20/10/2016 21:39

Betcha he hasn't thought of the need to declare this £850 a month to the taxman either ...

Somersetlady · 20/10/2016 21:39

This is aibu and so needs both sides of the argument.

I still dont see why op should be expected to be able to reduce her living/rental costs by £10,000 just because the guy owns a property.

Unless i missed something op said:

It’s an almost identical cost to what I pay at the moment – I suspect that was part of his logic. If you can call it logic

So presumably she pays bills on top currently.

Only offering to split bills means she is quids in by not paying any rent or mortgage?

Surely the logical thing to do then is compromise as one pp suggested. Pay her current outlay into a joint bank account for use by both of them if they stay together or split the pot if they dont!?

Somersetlady · 20/10/2016 21:41

Boffinmum I bet he has. I imagine he will file an annual return as it stands with a private income in addition to a professional wage.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2016 21:44

How can you be so sure sommerset are you op partner, sound like him!

DoinItFine · 20/10/2016 21:50

I still dont see why op should be expected to be able to reduce her living/rental costs by £10,000 just because the guy owns a property.

But why shouldn't she?

Why are younso offended that a person might end up living in a flat where no rent or mortgage is due?

Or at least why are you not offended that a wealthy man might live rent free through good luck when you are so offended that a woman might?

user1475249801 · 20/10/2016 21:59

I still dont see why op should be expected to be able to reduce her living/rental costs by £10,000 just because the guy owns a property.

Alternatively, why should the guy expect to gain financially beyond the reduction in living costs from OP paying half of the bills?

honeysucklejasmine · 20/10/2016 22:05

When my husband and I got together, I was a homeowner and he wasn't. He rented a studio flat. When he moved in we starting splitting everything 50/50. I suppose I should have made him pay 100% until he had put in the same value I had through deposit and mortgage payments (approx £60k) and then split?

No, of course not. He's my husband. Luckily for him, I own the house already and i am happy to share that boon with him. I am not going to hold his poorer financial situation against him.

Atenco · 20/10/2016 22:12

It's a general philosophy of life, isn't it? I personally couldn't be doing with someone who takes their calculator out for everything to make sure that everyone is paying the same amount, like Somerset lady. I always thought that the benefit of having economic security is that you don't have to be like that, but the fact is that the well-off are often terrible misers.

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