Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Somersetlady, he isn't renting the room to OP. She shares his room.

Does the only benefit to living together have to be financial?

Exactly OP it is about being together. I think whatever you would expect to pay atm give him half of that. So let's say your rent+ all bills was £1200 you give him £600 then both of you have gained the same amount financially and can do with it as you wish.

But yeah whilst money is very important partners aren't cash cows. Fairest would be split whatever money is saved by sharing a home as opposed to renting/ owning each.

Had a situation where me and DH were looking to rent a house and his brother was looking to let his. Wanted to arrange renting off him (better to pay BIL mortgage than a strangers and all that). He wanted to give us two box rooms on separate tenancies £300 pcm each mon-fri excluding bills as he wanted the last room himself to stay in "once in a while". Like hell I was going to do that, no room to share and no privacy to live as a couple as have LL stay with us and have to pay for his usage of utilities too. We said no.

We private rented It cost us £95 more to rent a whole house 7 days a week and have all the associated rights eg no LL walking in etc and have a whole house not two box rooms that could not fit in a double bed. Turns out after that brother wanted to stay at his house 2 out of 4 weeks (so not once in a while) so that £95 gave us the comfort we wanted to behave as a couple and have a home as a couple without BIL there 50% of the time. Not to mention for me if we'd split it would be me gone as would have had no contract and was DH brother. So important for me whatever house we lived in we both we equal legally.

ladyAEIOU

Your BIL sounds a bit mad!

What did you DH have to say about his suggestion? Box rooms - haha!

My worry would be that he seems very 'mine' and 'yours' about it. In my experience, a long-term relationship that is going anywhere at all has pretty much joint finances (equitable, if not fully merged) and each couple just treats each other with kindness.

I moved in with my husband after I'd known him ten months and because I had big student debt, he let me use my entire income to pay them off while he paid all bills and mortgage. He knew we were a permanent fixture and it was in both of our interests that we got rid of my debts. I didn't even know
him when I was a student, so he had no obligation or anything like that.

We've been together for 11 years now and have four kids and have completely joint finances, which is a good job really because I have had a very small income while I've been having the kids. In fact, he basically brings in the money and I spend it, which works out beautifully for me! If he'd been a meanie when we were first together, there's no way I'd have married him.

He is either (1) really mean and tight or (2) he is not really mean and tight but doesn't think much of you, doesn't trust you and certainly doesn't see you as a long term prospect.

Neither option is great he is definitely one.

So did he put in a counter offer OP ?

I am shocked that in 2016 posters such as pudcat talk about payment for sex or using sex as a currency in this situation.
The OP has already explained that the amount she would pay is actually CHEAPER than what her dp is asking her to pay he is therefore already subsidising her at 850 and not putting bills on top.
I am sure OP will get the second bedroom for all her stuff and would be free to sleep in the bed in there should she so choose.

Please OP dont think of yourself as a prostitute or cleaner who is swapping theses services in lew of £850 a month!!

He wouldn't be subsidising me, I would be paying my costs and more.

He has no rent or mortgage to pay. He is quoting a local 'market rent', not the actual cost to him.

Also me and DH would pay 50% of bills each from separate accounts whilst bf/ gf as that is what we wanted for us. After we had the baby we put in all wages into JA so who earns more pays more especially as if one of us works/ does overtime can only do so if the other takes care of the baby. Different things work for different people and partners are not for making money off. Giving each other security is one thing but profiting is another.

Ibwish I was amazed that in 2016 we still had people with Somerset's feudal views.

Sadly they seem to be gaining more currency as we return to a rent-seeking society.

I don't think she is a prostitute but I do think he is a male gigolo only with her for her money.

But local market rent is for a flat you will be sharing and not even have your own room. It's not how couples operate he is a total twat

I think the going rate given was actually over £1000. So effectively he is offering a minimum of £150 or £1800 a year discount!

Is he allowed a tenant?

His is being unreasonable. As you say half the bills and some of the food bill is fair.

Time for a chat with him?

Yes calling me a prostitue is a bit much Somersetlady.

Could you get your own place and get a mortgage op? If you were so minded you could then ask your bloke to move in with you and pay you rent without any claim on the place. Suggest it to him. See what he says ;)

Somerset what on earth are you talking about now.

DH said no too. He lived with his brother until we moved in together and his brother was funny about smallest things so we'd have been on eggshells. His brother lost a few lodgers because of it. Nice guy just oblivious.

Washing machine beyond repair? I'll pay for half of a new one etc.

Would be your OH job as LL to replace broken equipment unless you broke it by neglect of course.

I thought when you moved in with a person you were deciding to become a partnership; that you were trying to build a life together. Charging your romantic partner money to live with you seem the opposite of that. I honestly couldn't see any fundamentally good reason for him to charge you rent. Half the bills more than fair. But I don't think moving in with someone who owns their house outright makes you a sponger at all.

OP - Can you ask him why he wants you to pay rent at the market rate?

Is he going to just pocket this money as cash or is he going to actually declare it and pay tax?

How long is this arrangement going to last?

But thats the point. He would be subsidising the Op albeit via his family trust rather than via his hard earned.
If you end up paying just half of the bills and pay a low or nominal rent you are quids in every month from what op pays now?
He on the other hand is being offered half of the bills which i imagine are negligable over the course of a year.
He is also once op moves in presumably not able to let the second bedroom as neither of them want a third tennant in the flat.

I would never have been accepting of someone subsidising me in this way I guess I am just too proud.

I was quite happy with having worked hard for my own place to sell it and buy somewhere jointly when we married in both our names equally.

Two children later and we still split everything 50/50 as we pay into a joint account the same amount monthly and all household expenses come from here.

I am sure that your dp has experience of a very many ladies who would be more than happy to move into his home and live in return for half the bills and this is possibly what makes him warey of this situation in the first place?

Whats not to say he wont put the money op goves him into a seperate account for use as a couple in the future or for any children they might have?

Apologies OP i was not calling you a prostitute. I was bringing into question those posters who had suggested that you should either withhold sex or that you tot up the going rate for an escort and charge your boyfriend that against the rent. I was astounded that anyone would even consider that train of thought!

Not everything should be treated as a commodity.

At the very least i would expect you to pay all of the bills not just half.

So that the OP has less and he has more? Yeah, that sounds fair.

But thats the point. He would be subsidising the Op albeit via his family trust rather than via his hard earned.

No he wouldn't. He'd simply save money by the OP paying half the bills. That's not subsidising, it's called living together. Or else he may as well be a live in landlord. "I want you to move in with me" should never be followed by "you will be paying market rate rent"

That's grabby. He'll have an additional £850/month on top of his salary, his trust fund, and his outright owned home.

He's not subsidising. He's just not making as much money as he'd like to.