Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Yup. Agree with Doinitfine

She will contribute to shared costs. If he rented she would pay half. He doesn't have housing costs they both need to cover together.

If there is a trust involved then he will be coming under pressure from his trustees to put things on a formal basis. They have to do this as they have a fiduciary duty towards him and must be seen to be concerned about his best interests (financial).

Maybe you could suggest you sign something waiving any claim to the property? It might be a way of demonstrating how venal you find the whole discussion.

When you go out do you always split things 50/50? Or does he 'take' you out?

Nosquirrels Her putting £850 a month into a savings account with only her name on it sounds just as silly as my suggestion of sharing with her so called partner if she calls him that. She has made an excuse for him already its his naivety does the op value her freedom.

Paying half of bills, stuff for the flat etc is all fine. If he had a mortgage, I would also be paying half of that. Team = splitting costs.

I will move anyway (without him). Always good to have a bit of a change!

Well as I said if I had a single ds in his 30s who'd been with a gf for 2 years and asked her to move in with him, I'd be thinking wedding bells and grandchildren rather than exactly how much the gf was contributing. Surely by the time you are a mature adult, your financial problems are your own.

We take turns to pay, sometimes split. All very equal :)

Simply place marking as I'm so open jawed at this man.

I haven't read everything but as he seems to view everything as a financial transaction does he pay you for your company? If not, why not?

You have to think op what would he be like when you have children together.

Id seriously, seriously ltb. Not in a mumsnet frivolous way. It shows a lot about his thoughts on your relationship, how he thinks about partnership etc. I bet if you were raising his children and he was working you'd be begging for every bit of spending money.

Your boyfriend seems to miss the generosity gene. I wouldn't want to live with somebody like that.

Mmm I wonder why his family are (probably) rich ?? How revolting. If he was mine he would be given his marching orders and told never to contact me again.

I have never known a man in my life to ask for rent from someone who was moving in with them. Working out household bills together is a normal thing to do but to ask for rent. You sound very naive yourself op.

He is refusing to discuss it at all, so I have not had any further information/justification

Another red flag. He is stonewalling you.

Ciutadella I think this charming man has spelled out exactly how he sees his relationship with OP.

My friend when she met her trust fund man they got married after a few years. Share everything as far as I know.

Utter madness.

Utter madness that you would think it acceptable to freeload off this man. Whether it is his own money or family money.
How much is your current rent?

If this was in reverse on mn and the OP said my dp wants to move in he doesnt want tp pay any rent and pnly wants to split the bills there would be uproar.
By renting the room to OP the owner is no longer able to let the second room.

At the very least i would expect you to pay all of the bills not just half.

Taking turns to pay when you go out as well😳 No doubt he would expect this to continue. Doesn't sound like he puts you on any type of pedestal

Somersetlady run men run. There is no such thing as equal sharing of the load. Run men run.

Get out now, the man is not worth your time. Spoilt brat.

DP owns a house. This house is mortgaged. I live here rent free, but pay all the bills. This way it's my home but not my house. And that's fine with me. I am not expected to pay for fixtures and fittings, yet get a say. However, I do pay towards things such as paint and other decorative items, and I own half the furniture,

It's a fair split because he'd be worse off if I left, as would I.

Charging your partner rent in order to secure an additional source of income is awfully grabby.

IF they got married or had children then The situation would be entirely different.
But they dont and they are not.

The op has not stated that she wanted children with him anyway.

Somerset - the OP NEVER said she wanted to freeload, if you read her posts you will see that she explicitly said she wanted to pay her own way.

She is (rightly) concerned about the implications of his offer, not to mention that 850 pounds monthly rent is a ridiculous amount to pay to share someone's bed!

i think that's exactly the point somerset, you move in with someone precisely because you're making a commitment along those lines, otherwise, why bother?

Yes I definitely don't want to freeload!

Washing machine beyond repair? I'll pay for half of a new one etc.

I just don't think it's normal to pay a 'market rent' like a tenant, which will be pocketed by him!