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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

681 replies

user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 12:15

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

OP posts:
Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 19:12

I liked the suggestion of the savings account with the "rent" in it, which becomes yours 100% if you split up, but which would become 50% his at the point you moved onto a more equal footing with the flat.

That's if it is an amicable split.

NoSquirrels · 20/10/2016 19:14

Oh, the savings account would be in OP's name solely, and only transferred to joint names at the point they got married/he added her to trust etc.

So even if the split wasn't amicable, OP would be protected the money would be all hers. He only gets some when he's giving up his assets equally also.

GardenGeek · 20/10/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MudCity · 20/10/2016 19:15

It's dreadful and a sign of things to come.

Run for the hills. Seriously.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 19:16

Thank you NoSquirrels - I'm fine!

I have now spoken to him, and he thinks it is unfair that I would say he might try and profit from him.

He says the £850 was 'just a suggestion' - however that still suggests he was testing the water as to how much I might be prepared to pay!

He is committed to me, just possibly a bit misguided/financially naive?

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 20/10/2016 19:17

maybe i'm too cynical but i also don't think it's a coincidence that he raised the rent issue after you'd given notice....

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 19:17

What would be the point in asking for £850 if the account is solely in her name???

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 19:19

Just explain to him from when we live together what is mine is yours and yours is mine in regards to income coming into the house. Maybe then he won't feel so threatened.

OldBootNewBoots · 20/10/2016 19:22

I've got a suggestion for him op - suggest you are disappointed because you thought you were on the path to marriage and his mercurial approach has made it clear he thinks that's a long way off and see what he says. Seriously, you need above anything else to have a clear chat about 'where it's going' as after 2 years, on the face of it, he's offering you nowt.

OldBootNewBoots · 20/10/2016 19:23

It's funny how his financial naïveté works in his favour isn't it? Oops I asked for an extortionate rent, silly me!

carpskk · 20/10/2016 19:24

Do you think he might not have thought this through?!

What £ does he think is fair then user?

I'm curious to know how much he thinks he can make off of you?

NoSquirrels · 20/10/2016 19:27

Well, I'm glad you've spoken but I would want A LOT of assurances over how things were going to be when you move in, financially and practically. I'd still want to go through all those questions I said.

When you move into someone else's house (as opposed to both moving in together in a new place you chose together) you are already a bit on the back foot. This would have scared the bejesus out of me (and you can see all the posts about running for the hills) so I would need good solid assurances.

Protect yourself.

sunshine the "point" of the rent savings account would be to reassure her DP that she's not profiteering from living with him, and that they could both potentially benefit in the future from the general good fortune of access to a rent-free property. There's no way in the world I'd be telling this particular DP "what's mine is yours", I'm afraid. You have to earn that level of trust, and clearly this is a big red flag.

alltouchedout · 20/10/2016 19:30

I can't be the only one on this thread who would love to know what Theoretician's wife would say about him.

venusinscorpio · 20/10/2016 19:32

No, you're not.

Atenco · 20/10/2016 19:32

It's funny how his financial naïveté works in his favour isn't it? Oops I asked for an extortionate rent, silly me

This
You say that he earns about the same as you. I don't have a mortgage on my place and my financial naiveté is that I don't understand how people manage to pay rent.

And personally, I have had several friends stay for months and, on one occasion, years in my spare room without charging them rent, as I don't have to pay any myself. I just couldn't make a profit on a friend.

Noctilucent · 20/10/2016 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whocansay · 20/10/2016 19:36

£850 per month to share half a bedroom? No-one normal could think this was remotely reasonable. Forget him. He is just mean. That's who he is. Ditch.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 20/10/2016 19:38

notinagreatplace You not having to pay rent in your current place saves you money. That saving should be shared between you - I don't really see why only you should benefit or why you should benefit so much more than him, both of you should be better off as a result of you moving in.

Eh?
You could just as easily say why should only he benefit from having a free house and bills paid, whilst OP has to work for the same. Unless you think people born into money somehow deserve it more than everyone else? It's not as if he's even paid for it previously - it was given to him.

Theoretician It's irrelevant what he has to pay for the home, and therefore irrelevant that he gets it free from a trust. The value of something is not what it costs to provide, but what it can be sold for.

Why?

Seriously, who decided that bonkers way of going about things? This is the heart of the "wealth creation" bollocks, isn't it? And, y'know, capitalism and generally the way money screws the world over. I would love to get a bunch of your sort of people and bung you all on an island together to see how you survive. When actual stuff matters, food and shelter, working together, not hoarding your little tokens and charging people for something that cost you little or nothing in comparison.

Mrskeats · 20/10/2016 19:38

Awful
For comparison my partner moved into my house which I own outright
I don't ask him for a contribution for rent/mortgage as there is nothing to contribute to is there?
Instead we split the bills. Simples.
Please don't be naive this will only get worse.

SheldonCRules · 20/10/2016 19:40

If this was my child, I'd expect them to protect the house and get their partner to contribute. Just because they have had good fortune doesn't mean it should be given away free. Likewise, if my children expected to live rent free or contribute little or none towards living expenses I'd wonder where it had gone wrong growing up.

He's being portrayed as a money grabber simply as he is male. Nobody has accused the OP of wanting a free ride. If this was a woman posting that her boyfriend wanted to move in and pay nothing she would be told no way. She wouldn't be told she expected a maid, free sex etc. There's still so much blatant sexism around.

Of course the OP should contribute, if she doesn't want to she can live alone.

Theoretician · 20/10/2016 19:44

I'm wondering where this room is, for 850/month to be reasonable. Even for London that's a lot. Is this flat in Chelsea?!

I live in Tower Hamlets, the three bedroom flat next door was rented out to three sharers, that would be £200 a week each if they were still there. There are 4.25 weeks in a month, so that's £850 a month per person. Utilities would be extra.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/10/2016 19:47

Contribute to what Sheldon? There is no rent or mortgage to contribute towards.

DoinItFine · 20/10/2016 19:48

Are they sharing beds and fucking their landlord?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/10/2016 19:49

For children, I hear you charge them by weight.
Does that only apply after birth or whilst in gestation? Or would you be expected to contribute more for food seeing as you'd be eating for 2?

I'm glad you're seeing the funny side to this ridiculous story.

Are you going to contact your ll about staying on?

DoinItFine · 20/10/2016 19:49

Contribute to his wealth.

He is rich through no merit of his own, but he must seek rent from the lower orders at every opportunity because he deserves money and they don't.