Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

i think you've made a good call, i'd not be pushed around by a guy that was so cynical/stupid as to make me an offer to move in, let me give notice and then try and charge me a huge rent for a shared room after 2 years together. I'd be sick about it. TBF in my 30s after 2 years with someone I'd be expecting a marriage proposal if that was what I wanted, at least a very clear statement of intent.

You'd be a lodger not a tenant but the amount he is asking for is above the rent a room tax free limit.
But obviously you need to also run a mile.

Theoretician is beautifully and pompously waffling on about nothing. Most people living together in a romantic relationship share any living costs. They do not charge their partner rent to sleep in their bed. This is not shared rent as a cost of living, he doesn't pay any. There are laws around landlord and tenant relations that I suspect your partner would not wish to adhere to. Run a mile.

Is he a mingebag in other ways?

By all means , get your own place or mortgage but don't make him out to be grabby when , in fact, it is you expecting to live rent free/be heavily subsidised.

Super unfair, as well as inaccurate. OP has had this sprung on her at the last minute, which is reason enough to be cross. In fact, she said early on she would just get her own place, and also said:

I don’t want to not pay my way – it’s important to me to maintain my independence, and part of that for me is splitting costs equally. I am no freeloader – I’ve been able to look after myself perfectly well so far!

I wouldn't consider living with a boyfriend who planned to profit from me living there.

Can you ask your current landlord if you can reinstate your lease?

"Unfortunately, I have already terminated my current contract (he had not mentioned this previously)"
Am I reading this right? He didn't mention profiting from you charging you rent until you had given up your own place? I don't like his timing ...

Cross post. Ok, she would be a lodger with few rights. Even more reason to say fuck that.

He trying to charge you for shagging him, essentially.

He wants to be a gigolo.

Maybe he doesn't want to think you're with him possibly because it's financially advantageous?

Maybe he's an immature arsehole. He certainly sounds it.

Yes, all very last minute! We had agreed to split cost of bills, which would be max. £300 a month (inc a bit of a fun for house stuff).

He usually isn’t strange about money. It’s as if someone has suggested it to him recently (Theoretician, maybe?), and he has decided that seems like rather a good arrangement.

His family can be a bit odd about money. Maybe they have put him up to it?

My plan of action in this case would be two fold - ask Landlord re withdrawing notice and resign (but maybe expect a rent rise to cover inconvenience etc) and also sit down with partner and look at costs. Get a price for a room share somewhere similar - explain you would pay half, look at bills of place and maybe work out a contribution to those that is fair - ie if you both had to pay they may not be so high as he doesn't have to pay them ie he might have heating on all time rather than only when needed etc - offer to pay half of consumable bills ie not council tax, maintenance costs, ground rents or anything related to lease as they are considered covered in the flat share price. Water may be as well but work it out and pay your share - ie you are renting half a bedroom and there are two bedrooms. You shouldn't be penalised for the house having more than you need - so to me consumables like gas and leccy probably somewhere between 1/4 and half would be fair, council tax whatever the difference between single and double occupancy is and so on. You need towork out what works for you - he needs to realise he is being unrealistic - I would also be suspicious of his need for ths unless I was sure he was doing it to avoid family seeing you as freeloader etc

Then he's going back on his word. I'd be fuming in your position.

Have you told him all you think OP? If so what does he say?

What does it matter who "put him up to it"?? He has accepted it as a good idea; that tells you all you need to know.

having no legal means of protection (i.e. no contract) being a problem
I am almost certain he will give you a contract if he is asking for £850 a month as he wants to make it look as if you have a LL & T relationship.

Ok so you are seeing psossibly some thoughts from others impinging on him - get the evidence of costs from elsewhere and counter offer - but make him aware that whilst you are not against this that for the purposes of fairness he maybe should have mentioned it before you handed your notice in so that you could have discussed it without additional pressure on you to settle it.

Yes, I feel very let down by him.

It’s bad enough being victim to the whims of your landlord, without that person also being your DP! He’s always been outraged by the cost of rent - until now apparently!

even if everyone of his well meaning relatives had warned against it, he's an individual in his 30s who's been with you 2 years, I'd expect him to back his own judgment rather than go, 'oh yeah, you're right, she might turn out to be a gold-digging user'...it doesn't say much about his character or faith in your relationship.

he wants to make it look as if you have a LL & T relationship

^^ agree with this - then you have no claim if you split up

You are right, it doesn’t matter who put him up to it. He has agreed to it, so I am making excuses for him if I say that!

Oh FFS.

His family can be a bit odd about money. Maybe they have put him up to it?
Definitely I would not be at all surprised it sounds like they are trying to protect their assets here.

Trusts are a strange thing, it always makes me wonder why people can't just leave people things outright and why they have to control how their money and assets are used even after their death.

I'm wondering where this room is, for 850/month to be reasonable. Even for London that's a lot. Is this flat in Chelsea?!

Dangerous. He sounds like an almightly squirreller who down the line will lecture you about how shit you are with money whilst beimg massively stingey, getting you to buy all the coffees and then show you his 'skill' at the savings and property he has in his name, only possible because you are subsidising the relationship.

I'd call him out by saying 'you dont pay rent but you benefit from the asset anyway, so lets both put the equivalent of rent and living costs away in a joint account, so that we can spend it together later, and also share bills food and council tax by paying the same in each to another account.

If he goes ballistic say, ok, well i'd like to put my money to an investment property insread so we both have assets (smile, hug) which would be lovely of you.

Of he goes mental then sign up EVERYTHING into a binding agreement and NEVER go to costa without 'forgetting' your purse..