To not want to learn to drive

[ThisUsernameIsAvailable]

I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

Seminormal- thank you!!!

As many people have said you don't need to drive but it will probably make life easier. I find it hard to believe that every hobby your child may want to do (within a reasonable radius) is walking distance. What about when you go longer distances on the weekend, what if your husband is poorly or doesn't want to drive? I say this as someone who didn't drive until they were 30 but my life is much better with driving. As a pp said- helped job prospects too.

It's nice to be able to go and see family and friends without relying on my husband and I hated relying on him for long journeys.

my aunt used to be like you then got Rheumatoid Arthritis at 45 and would be housebound if not for her car - Thats terribly sad but there an awful lot of disabled people where I live and many of them manage very well with a mobility scooter.

My son also hurt his leg, large gash to bone from falling on glass. We were fortunate we had an ambulance, if for some reason we couldn't get a taxi/ambulance in an emergancy situation then admittedly I would likely phone a friend/relative but thankfully I know my relatives and friends wouldn't be such arseholes as to hold it against me or see me as 'cadging a lift', they'd be happy they could help. Just like I help them out in other situations

What about when you go longer distances on the weekend, what if your husband is poorly or doesn't want to drive? - I don't rely on a man for anything, thankfully! My son and I often travel to different places on the weekend, they have this amazing invention they call the train.

euph
What rot! That's the very definition of a spurious argument!
you have obviously never read any of the many many threads about older people driving
Did you read my post?

I don't drive. DP does.

He doesn't mind, but I'm not sure I'd care if he did.

I have to do all the to-ing and fro-ing for school/clubs/play dates/supermarkets Mon-Fri. He can suck it up and do it at the weekend.

Obviously everyone relationships and division of family tasks is different, but what some here are callling more independence for the mother looks a Hell of a lot to me like making more Wifework for yourself.

My DH was taken ill abroad on a camping holiday. Public transport would have not have worked. Fortunately I drive too.

I think your children may miss out. There is always stuff to get to further away, and asking others to help you is not fair on them.

As children get older their clubs get more far flung. Trips out with beavers? Guides? All n the week. you also don't know what might happen illness wise. Many a person has become epileptic in their adult life, or needed to go to hospital for an op. How sad you wouldn't be able to support your DH if that happened.

What Mrsemcgregor said.

I'm mid thirties with two young children and I haven't learnt to drive. I didn't learn when most people do as I have a severe lack of confidence, get stressed very easily and know my limits.

Even if I could drive there's no way we could afford to run two cars, and my husband often works away (most weeks), taking the car with him.

As it turns out, I've developed eyesight problems (retinal detachment and cataracts) during the past year that mean I wouldn't be fit to drive anyway. I don't tend to tell people and it isn't obvious (my vision with glasses is currently generally ok, just nowhere near good enough for driving).

Public transport here is very good and we do a lot of walking. Yes, being able to drive would make things easier at times but it's not essential.

I'm early 30s and don't drive. I live in London and before that in New York so have never needed to. My DH has a licence but we don't have a car. If I had loads of free time and spare money I would learn because why not, but I don't envisage there being a time in my life when I would need to drive (no plans to move). The only time I might is when renting a car on holiday, but it doesn't seem worth the time and money for this. So I think yanbu!

Many a person has become epileptic in their adult life, or needed to go to hospital for an op. How sad you wouldn't be able to support your DH if that happened. - and what if some drunk driver smashed into your car and killed you? what of your poor DH and children then? and all because you were selfish enough to want to drive! What if your car broke down and god forbid you had to walk somewhere?

You can't live your life by 'what if' surely?

I can drive.
I have a car.
But I really don't need to, living where I do (not London).

Buses every few minutes, including to train station, coach station, hospitals.

Schools, shops, church, community centres all within walking distance.

Cheaper to get a coach to the airport when we go on holiday rather than paying parking fees.

And we all have bikes. And cycle tracks.

If I drive to our nearest big supermarket (3 miles), it takes me 10-15 minutes with traffic and queuing for parking. If I cycle, with my trailer for children/shopping, I can get there in about 15-20 minutes, cycling along tracks following the river, seeing rabbits and birds and autumn leaves. Or I could walk to a smaller shop in 5 minutes, or send a child (half an hour plus sweet money!).

My car doesn't get used much, and so it can become a little unreliable - flat battery kind of thing. So if it's at the garage, or duff when I need it, I'd get a taxi instead.

It would be cheaper for me to give it up and use taxis for emergencies or trips to less accessible places. I don't, because we camp. And I can't imagine trying to get all our camping gear on a bus/coach/bus/taxi to the campsite.

If I had to stop driving, I'd get an electric bike. Very popular round here. No faster than ordinary bikes but much easier uphill.

Personally, I'd say forget well meaning other family members who think you ought to drive. But do have an honest chat with your husband. Does it stress him, being the only driver?

Four offers is a lot. Sounds like people are heavily hinting. You might want to ask them why.

My dh doesn't drive. It annoys the hell out of me that I have to do all of the driving. Does your dh want you to learn?

Beyond personal health detriments of stress, driving itself can lower job and life satisfaction.

Further studies also showed more driving correlated with more sick days and appearances in the hospital.

www.cityclock.org/driving-stress/#.WAXM0PkrLIU

...and we all know how dangerous stress is for you right?

Stress increases 'risk of death five-fold'

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/7991620/Stress-increases-risk-of-death-five-fold.html

Just so you know, I'm not anti-driving. I'm just pro-personal choice and don't believe people should be derided for choosing not to drive.

Semi a lot of it depends on where you live and where you're going. I have a few friends who live in villages with no train station and very limited Sunday busses (that would take hours too as they go round the houses). Going on public transport would take 5 hours or so when driving would take 90 minutes. It would take 8 hours to go and visit my family on the train where it takes half of that in the car. If you only ever go local then maybe public transport is doable.

My DP doesn't drive and it really pisses me off. Every time something has to be picked up from the shop or actually pretty much anything outside of the house I have to go! He is from a town with fantastic public transport so never had to learn.
It worries me than when we have children there will only be one driver in the house so I have now put my foot down and said he has to learn (control freak alert! Ha) luckily he has found he really enjoys it! I cannot wait until he passes!!

asking others to help you is not fair on them.

I was in a carpool in my first job and my colleague was really pleased with how much she got from her three extra passengers for a journey she was making anyway. She told me she couldn't have afforded to run her car without the extra petrol money.

One day you might have an elderly parent to care for, being able to drive could make the world of difference.

I think you have closed your mind to the idea of driving and are clinging on tight to that.

I also would like to know how your DH feels - is he one of the people offering you lessons as a gift?

Having a car has been vital for me when it comes to jobs. How secure is your current job OP? How would you manage if a great new job came up but public transport was tricky?

Have you asked the people offering to get you lessons why they think it's important? They know you much better than us.

I think that people who don't drive have absolutely no idea how annoying it is to be asked for lifts.

I have known people who seem to think that me driving to their house to collect them before going on somewhere together involves no effort at all on my part. They don't understand that sometimes parking can be tricky, or that some journeys are complicated and involve concentration and planning ahead.

I knew someone who expected me to park and wait for her outside her flat in a bus stop! I tried to explain why this was not possible. She learned to drive not long after and I really hope that she then realised how irritating and difficult she had been!

Speaking as someone who was the only driver in a relationship for a long time, refusing to drive can also be unfair on the driver in the relationship since they are forced to do all the driving whenever there is a need to.

DH learnt to drive just in time to be able to drive me to the hospital when I was in labour. Though when it came to it, I ended up driving myself anyway as he was so newly qualified he had trouble getting the car out of a parking space and as I could see how nervous he was I decide I felt able to drive the 7 mins to the hospital myself (to be clear my waters had broken but I wasn't having contractions yet).

Dh is now more experienced and we share the driving but while he was unable to drive , I did find it sometimes annoying to always be the one who drove. For instance on holidays, it was always me who drove. If I wasn't feeling well or had something else I would have preferred to do, I still had to do the driving to pick things up/go shopping/go out/collect or deliver DS somewhere etc.

I do drive. I learned late (about 27) and it was truly life changing. We lived in an outer suburb where public transport was not great. The independence it gave me was liberating. It was a godsend when I had DC.

That being said, I hate driving. It is stressful and a big responsibility. DH and I have reached late middle age now and are making tentative retirement plans and for both of us a very tempting option is to downsize to a flat in a busy coastal town with excellent public transport. We would sell the car and never drive again.

So OP, YANBU. If you can live comfortably without driving don't put yourself through the trouble and expense of learning.

As soon as I got with DP i was disappointed he didn't drive. Soon changed though. Told him he has to pass before DS1 was born & he did . Couldn't imagine being the only driver in the house.

When my boys are big, I want to give them that independence of not relying on buses etc, getting exactly where they want to go & the freedom of just hopping in the car, loading it with food & drink, clean pants & catching ferry to isle of white for weekends or taking the car to France on the train. Such fun days!

None of DP's family drive. It used to stress me out all the time someone would want or expect lifts & picking up with shopping etc. Luckily we moved a bit further out & so they can't ask anymore.

A car is also a really good place to hide items your waiting to sneak in the house such as presents, or just stuff that you don't need but like & have to place it in the house like it's been there years!

If you don't want to drive then don't. But I honestly can't see why anymore given the opportunity to learn wouldn't? I don't understand what you've got to lose?

A car does not equal independence and freedom, everyone. It has been heralded since the 1950s as embodying these values but why should the OP have to drive to be independent? If she can cope on public transport and active modes? Op, if you want to drive, then drive, but don't give in to other people's persistence that you must drive. Does no one consider traffic, air pollution and the resulting climate change as a good reason why op should continue without a car?