To not want to learn to drive

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I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

I learned to drive a few years ago; in my late twenties. I just wanted the independence and at that time I was single and childless. I was always a bit frightened of driving though, hence putting it off for so long. Whilst learning I met my DP, who loves driving, and shortly after passing I had a surprise pregnancy. It's been a stressful few years in many ways and as a result I've certainly not driven enough. However, I am very very happy that I bought a car and passed my test. I think both having a DP who drives, and then having a baby would both have meant I put it off indefinitely otherwise. I don't drive every day, I don't drive particularly far, and I do often still walk if I feel like it. I could definitely get by with public transport if I needed to. However, sometimes it's raining or cold, or getting somewhere by public transport would be a faff, or I'm just about to cook and realise I'm out of something, and it's times like that where I appreciate just being able to jump in the car.

My family are the same, DP drives and when he's at work I walk everywhere. I'd love to drive, but my anxiety is crippling to the point I fear I wouldn't be a safe driver because I'd be so jumpy.

I can drive and we have a car. 99% of the time I don't use it. I walk, cycle or get the train.

But it's very useful if we want to go somewhere far away where there's no public transport, or it's late at night and the last train is really early etc.

I think that it's a useful skill and you've nothing to lose by learning.

I think some of these posts are closed minded actually.

I never wanted to drive but basically got forced into learning by pretty much everyone I know.

I did it, was absolutely shit, had a year of lessons and eventually switched to automatic, and I'm still shit at it. I passed at 39 and a half weeks pregnant.

I can drive, and will if I have to, but absolutely won't if I don't have to. I don't enjoy it, it stresses me out, and I'd rather walk if I have to go anywhere. I don't feel restricted or anything and I guess if I have to drive I will.

As long as I don't have to drive anywhere, I won't. Dp drives, and prefers driving to being a passenger anyway! Before I drove I never felt controlled at all! I think that's a really weird assumption to make!

You don't have to drive, don't do it if you don't want to because you will find it ten times harder than if you actually did want to do it, believe me!

ayeok my anxiety played a big part in why I am not great at driving, I'm too nervous! The more I do it the less anxious I get my I used to dread every single lesson, I still dread getting in the driving seat now!

milkyface how long have you been driving? I'd really love to learn, I'm just really worried I'd be a dangerous driver (side note my mum is a nervous driver and I won't even let my kids get in a car with her, as she's so dangerous)

Not being someone who found learning to drive at all easy (I still don't enjoy it after nearly 25 years and would always order to be driven) I can understand your reluctance.
But despite that I think you should learn if possible. You'll still be able to choose not to drive if that's your preference but similarly you'll know that you can if you want (or more importantly need) to.
I live in a big town and commute to London by train. School is walkable. I could just about manage if I didn't drive but there would be a hell of a lot I couldn't do either.
E.g. My daughter's nursery requires a drive or I wouldn't get there in time after work. There are two nurseries I could walk to as they're nearer but we didn't like them - glad we didn't have to compromise.
On Saturdays my son does gymnastics the other side of town. His dad drives him and I usually take our youngest to a local activity. However this Saturday she had a birthday party to attend at a country park which you can only drive to. If I didn't drive she couldn't have gone.
Husband broke his glasses when we were camping one time in the middle of nowhere. We'd have been stuffed if I couldn't drive. Another occasion we had been staying with my parents 200 miles away and the night before we were coming home husband had a horrendous stomach bug and was up all night so I had to drive. Was back at work the following day so couldn't have left it any longer.
I have a friend who always said she didn't need to drive as her husband drove them all everywhere. And so he did. Until one day when he left. She has had a horrendous time. Kids have had to give up clubs or go sporadically when she can wangle lifts. Our group of friends goes to a couple of festivals each year. She and her three kids and all their camping gear have to be split between those of us who drive. We're all happy to help but her kids clearly hate it. She's now saving up for driving lessons despite having said previously she didn't need to drive.

Prefer to be driven not order to be driven! ! I don't order anyone to drive me, honestly!

I cannot imagine not driving. I don't need to, but it makes all our lives so much easier and gives us a lot more flexibility. You could still walk and cycle everywhere as you do now but have driving as a backup. My DF lost his licence due to completely unforeseen medical issues a few years ago, I don't know what they'd have done if my DM didn't drive.

Mrsemcgregor - if not driving's so great, why doesn't your DH give it up, too?

You could both rely on public transport and taxis in an emergency, and both feel equally virtuous that neither of you needs, nor relies on a car.

This thread has been a somewhat depressing read. I don't drive, although god knows I've tried. I had six months worth of lessons in my twenties, and recently another nine month's worth. I'd come back from my lessons shaky and sweaty. The one time I drove on a dual carriageway I had a huge panic attack.
My spacial awareness isn't great, I can't always tell left from right and I really battled to read complex junctions. At higher speeds like motorway junctions I have no idea (as a passenger) how people know where they are going, or how they don't all crash into each other. It's not something I can compute.
Now, do any of you really want me on the road with you?

I have always lived in cities with good public transport. My industry tends to be fixed hours and fixed location making public transport an excellent commuting option. I also love walking.

My DH drives, he needs to as his job is site based at locations which can be anywhere, and totally variable hours. My DP before him didn't drive and we managed fine.
I never ask for lifts from anyway else ever. I have no children so no worries about having to ferry them around. My parents are both dead.

So I don't get why I should do something that I hated so much and frightened me so badly?

tara what a horrid post. Not everyone can drive, it requires certain skills which not everyone has, tbh, looking at the state of some people's driving, they really should not be on the road. I failed 4 driving tests years ago, and no ds has started school, I have my provisional and will give it another few goes and give up. I have dyspraxia and dyslexia and anxiety which make it that bit harder than anybody else. I get buses and taxi when I need to get places, or dh when he's there. Even if I do local driving, that is great, and avoid motorways.

I am fed up of the ignorance and nastiness surrounding non drivers, there is no need for it! As long as you are getting about independently, and not causing a driver any inconvenience or freeloading, that's fine.

Meant, I will take a few more tests, and if I fail them, I will resign myself to its not meant to be type thing.

I've never had any desire to learn to drive, I've never even had a provisional licence. I have no intention of ever doing so either.

Like any skill, you don't have to use it or acquire it. However it's useful should you need it.

I see the consequences of not driving when I see patients coming in for a big op at the hospital. With hospitals now moving services less locally and concentrating them into centres of excellence it is possible that you might need to drive to the next city for treatment.

I see wife after wife sit there upset because she can't get into the hospital to be with her husband when having major surgery. Hospital transport no longer takes relatives. They all ask me the same thing " but how will I get here? "

Hoping that friends will step in is tricky. They might, they might not. Lots of times they don't.

A lift share to work is fine, it's mutually beneficial.

Skimmed thread, this probably been said already.

OP my mum never bothered to learn to drive. My dad drove or she would use public transport. All good. (My father god love him taught me to drive when i was 14 and i passed my test the day after my 17th birthday. Never looked back)

However, my father has passed away and she can't walk as far as she used to and she's stuck at home unless i drive 45 minutes to get her or one of her friends (the same age as her) offer to take her. She wont can't pay for cabs every where and has to book Rural Wheels for hospital appointments if i or a friend can't take her. That's not how i'd want to be going through my 60s, 70s, 80s +.

Toast are you me! Though I do get panick attacks, and had them when I learned to drive, but never behind the wheel.

Aeroflot hello kindred spirit

Toast I hope to learn to drive when the weather gets better, and get some anti anxiety tablets from the doctor. I know exactly how you feel, I think the same way, how the hell can you read the signs and understand them, whilst you are concentrating on the road, aghgh

There are always so many assumptions in these threads, as well as so many ridiculous arguments for why people need to drive - teenage girls can't get their hair wet- WTF?!

I like walking, I don't like driving, if I want to go to ikea (again, WTF) I can get the bus or go at the weekend with DP, there are roughly a gazillion activities DC can take up here within either a walk or short public transport journey away, and the hospital is ten minutes walk (because of traffic and parking issues, its usually actually quicker to walk).

Oh and I haven't asked anyone for a lift since I was living with my parents in the deepest darkest countryside. Had to politely refuse a lot though.

Aeroflot good luck! You'll probably do great, I think part of it is a question of practice and repetition and some people take longer than others, and that's fine.
Having said what I did in my previous post, I would have persevered with my lessons but we moved and I'm now quite far from the nearest test centre, it's busier and lessons are more expensive. There's just not the incentive to put myself through that at the moment.

I think it's personal choice but it does give you independence and it's a nightmare if
You find yourself suddenly needing to drive and you can't.

I learnt to drive at 20 whilst at uni but never really drove for years as DH did all the driving as he is a shite passenger and we only needed one car. Then he fell ill with fibromyalgia at 36. He is now unable to drive most of the time and it all falls to me. If I didn't drive already it would have been a nightmare.

Just because you can drive doesn't mean you have to. My brother also learnt at uni but then didn't buy a car for 3 years!

Seems like there are lots of non-drivers who are happy not to drive. But won't go quite as far as actually ditching the family car altogether...!

As long as someone else is doing the driving. For all those times when it's just way more convenient to use a car.