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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to learn to drive

538 replies

ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 17/10/2016 23:36

I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

OP posts:
T0ldmywrath · 19/10/2016 21:09

I'm a driver of 30 plus years & I love driving. We had to learn as we lived in a very rural area, with buses few & far between.

However, there is a downside. This is going to sound selfish but I was always the mum taxi as dh likes to drink & I'm not bothered.

Plus elderly parents do come to rely on the drivers. My sil doesn't drive & she has a life of Riley not having to do hospital visits or pick ups etc.

SnowCurl · 19/10/2016 21:11

Hi OP

I can understand your POV for sure. I lived in London for most of my adult life. It is part of London culture/way of life to get public transport as everything is so well connected. I couldn't have afforded to have a car even if I wanted to so never saw the point of learning to drive. However, along comes DC1 and we moved out of London. Journeys became veeeery long and impractical with local bus timetables and lack of public footpaths, so I learned to drive. I can honestly say it has changed my life for the better. I do regret not learning earlier in life as I think it could have opened a number of doors/opportunities with regard to work and visiting family. My advice would be just do. Like PPs have said, get it under your belt. You may surprise yourself and actually enjoy the freedom it gives.
Another thing to consider is what if your partner becomes ill and unable to drive whilst on a journey. I would want to be in a position to get my family to safety and get help should we be isolated (excuse the drama Grin) x

T0ldmywrath · 19/10/2016 21:13

I also love walking, so I do walk when I can. Not always an option though if carrying heavy stuff, after a long day stood up at work etc.

mimarbia · 19/10/2016 21:15

I passed my test in March, a week after my 42nd birthday, for years everyone told me that I needed to have a license and get a car and I used to say that I was happy to walk or get the bus, I would always rather spend my money on holidays or nights out rather than driving lessons. Last year however I had the money to do it and I now have a one year old to bring up on my own and honestly don't know test I did without a car. We still walk a lot but there are so many places I'm able to go with the car, my nearest beach is only about 10 miles away yet on the bus it would take about an hour and a half to get there, IKEA, outlet stores, farm shops etc etc. There are so many places that having a car opens up to you, ok so your oh drives but I'm sure that he would like a break from the driving sometimes and when he's at work you will have the freedom to go further afield especially in the winter when a bike isn't the best option. I didn't believe anyone when they told me that I had to get a car but although I'm loathed to say it, they were right Smile

purplebunny2012 · 19/10/2016 21:15

I hated learning to drive, but it was essential for where we live. I enjoy driving and will drive for absolutely miles, I've done 150 mile journeys several times. I just hated learning.
My nan never learned and relied very heavily on her husband until she died.

PrincessHairyMclary · 19/10/2016 21:26

I have 1 Dd and am learning to drive now at 30, I'm really enjoying learning a new skill to break up the mundane routine of work and parenting but like you am happy and managed perfectly well without a car I rarely ask for lifts.

My mum never drove either didn't need to when we were younger living in London and my dad drove. We moved to a smaller town and my dad became medically unfit to drive. They made do with good public transport links and bikes and it was fine.

However, when I was at Uni the otherside of the country I was seriously ill and hospitalised and neither could get to me as it was late, no public transport and weren't close enough friends to give then a lift. It's the only time either of them wished they were able to drive.

I think having a licence inorder to have the ability/choice to drive is important.

NameChange10001 · 19/10/2016 21:44

I can't drive. I did try but the driving instructor was a git and rushed me so much I had a panic attack. So I stopped lessons.

It can be a PITA but I still think it is cheaper to take the bus and have a few taxis to places with poor bus service, than to run a car, petrol, insurance, etc, etc. Plus far less stress than parking, shout-y drivers, 4x4 yummy mummies, queuing, and so on.

And unless it's Eid or New Year's Eve there are almost always taxis.

pittcity · 19/10/2016 21:49

I am a grandparent and have never learnt to drive nor wanted to. I calculate the cost of running a car against my actual travel costs and have spent a lot less my way. I have had emergencies and have simply called a taxi.
I don't see why trips to IKEA are essential. Another plus is that I can always have another glass of wine!

Heathen4Hire · 19/10/2016 22:01

When I lived at home in a fairly rural area, I took and failed six tests. Then I moved to London where running a car is expensive and bus fares are reasonable. It's better for Britain I don't pass.

My FIL is knocking 70 and has never learnt.

My husband knows how to drive but hasn't passed his test.

Our friend used to live in London and commutes by train (hasn't got a licence) but his wife has passed, but needs the car because in their town public transport is so lousy.

I do fancy getting a moped licence and scooting down Oxford Street one day. I am 39 next month.

gemma19846 · 19/10/2016 22:06

Not driving when you have kids gives you so many limitations. The nursery has to he close, school has to be close, you cant take them far etc there is so much to do and see when you have kids that i dont really understand why people dont want to drive. How do they get to after school clubs, activities etc? Driving means they could perhaps go to a better school instead of just the closes etc. Id hate being stuck in when OH is working and not be able to go places with the kids

gemma19846 · 19/10/2016 22:10

Running a car doesnt cost more than using public transport. Taxis and bus fares are so expensive!

MsJudgemental · 19/10/2016 22:12

If I couldn't drive, I'd feel like I'd lost my legs. Driving means independence. You are severely restricting your life and that of your children.

missymayhemsmum · 19/10/2016 22:15

Your family are trying to tell you something. I have driven for years. My elderly mother drives, (but is starting to back into things on a regular basis). Neither of my adult children drive, citing cost, nerves, lack of need, city living, eco-credentials, etc. So if there is a family emergency, or something large needs transporting, all the driving falls to me or my mum.

Have you thought that while you don't feel the need to drive, your family would like you to have a driving license?

user1474781546 · 19/10/2016 22:16

Having a car is a joy in the school holidays. Being able to take a big picnic, toys, blankets in the car. Being able to explore places that buses never go, deserted castles and mysterious woods, river bank with just wildlife for company.
Having explored all my local area on foot it's fantastic to have a new adventure much further afield, but just just a short car journey away.
I don't want to be tied to timetables and set routes. When my kids are wet and muddy and wearing just a towel from guddling in a stream then I can put them in the back of the car, shoeless and happy without having to wait at a bus stop laden down with luggage.

apringle · 19/10/2016 22:26

We have lived in central London and have never needed to drive other than occasional trips to the countryside that aren't on train rides. I am able to drive and had to a lot in North America but not in Sydney, London or Hong Kong. So I guess it depends on where you live in terms of public transport for the rest of your life and if you think it's important for the times you're on holiday, etc. And whether it's fair to your husband that he has to be the driver all the time.

pollymere · 19/10/2016 22:42

Learning to drive was the best thing I ever did aged 36. It's really handy on longer journeys to share the driving. It also means my husband can drink when you go anywhere. I didn't realize how much my dh had become a cab driver. I can also get things done for others. Do consider it.

HomeShapedBox · 19/10/2016 22:48

I learned to drive at 24. Best thing I ever done. So much more freedom and independence and allowed me to get a job after being unemployed for a couple of years

Ticketybootoo · 19/10/2016 22:52

I think you should do whatever makes you happy and that you are most comfortable with . You have twice the number of children I do and have managed so far without driving which I have to say I wouldn't have done . Learn if you want to and can see how it would be useful but don't feel pressured Smile

user1474781546 · 19/10/2016 22:52

I learned to drive to advance my career. My great job involved flying regulary to Paris and San Francisco for meetings.A hire car was always waiting for me at airports. I don't think anyone would have been impressed if I insisted getting the bus.

DanicaRose3 · 20/10/2016 01:15

As a mum of 3 (who is also 33 :P) I think you are totally being unreasonable. I have struggled for years with public transport, being caught out in bad weather and being stuck indoors whilst my husband worked full time. I have finally just passed my practical driving test 😁😊 last Tuesday and I cannot even describe the relief and this awesome feeling of freedom!!! It's the best! I don't understand how u don't want to drive?? If u have genuine reasons, then fine. But just not wanting to.. ?!?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 20/10/2016 01:29

A woman in our local village, had to learn at 79 because her Dh died and she lived alone. Nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it. Smile

EBearhug · 20/10/2016 01:34

Why can't just not wanting to be a genuine reason?

LellyMcKelly · 20/10/2016 01:40

As long as you don't rely on lifts from other people and can do whatever you need to do, and your OH is happy doing all the driving then don't. I didn't learn until I was 37 and wish I'd learned years earlier.

Daisies123 · 20/10/2016 07:56

If you don't want to drive then don't. My husband doesn't and we manage absolutely fine. We have based our decision on where to live on being within walking distance of shops and public transport. He commutes to work by train. I use our car to get to work but otherwise we don't often use it- occasional family day out to a National Trust property.

My one fear was getting to hospital when I went into labour but I researched taxi companies in advance for one that was happy to carry a woman in labour. I ended up with a planned induction! I was in hospital eight days and my husband visited every day by bus. We came home by taxi.

Bowbow · 20/10/2016 08:13

I've brought up 3 DC without learning to drive. It has many benefits...there are too many cars on the road already (I live in London), but also my kids have learned to be street wise in crossing roads, using public transport and knowing their community and environment, I feel it's given them confidence. They experience all the weather and see the clouds and notice the trees and flowers....also we get to hold hands and have lovely chats and get exercise while we are at it. I recently worked out the cost of passing my test (apparently £2000 is average) plus then owning and running a car, it was actually cheaper for me to get cabs for the journeys we can't walk or public transport. I don't think YABU. Grin

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