To not want to learn to drive

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I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

I also have four young children and DH doesn't drive. Well, he has a motorbike, but that isn't much use for family life.

To be honest, I really, really resent it. I feel like I can't go away or let my hair down because what if there is an emergency? He can hardly pack four kids on a bike or even take a normal cab, as there are too many of us. We live abroad and I often take kids to visit grandparents alone. As we can't afford to leave car at the airport, I am constantly relying on people to drive my car and then come pick us up again. Even for his job, if he needs to go away from the office, he has to wait until one of the drivers are available.

And of course, if we ever get a night out, I have to drive. And sometimes, I would just really like to have a drink. Esp to his work functions which are 20 miles away and I don't know anyone.

All four kids were c-sections and I had to rely on others to bring us home, and run DS to his daily therapy sessions. I also broke my ankle whilst pregnant with #4. That was a nightmare and we lost friends over having to be so dependent.

Silly little things like just after DD was born (she was 10 weeks old), I had to drive 1000 miles to attend his brothers wedding. A big thunderstorm wrecked all of our garden toys, and as I was heavily pregnant and could not lift anything, plus I couldn't get it in the car plus all the kids, I had to ring around and beg someone else to collect our stuff and take it to the tip.

When DS was born 17 months ago, we kept our five seater car for him to learn to drive, in addition to the 7 seater. We couldn't afford it but people offered to take him out driving and so it would be cheaper than lessons. I just sold it last week, as he never even sat behind the wheel.

I think if you have a small family, and your partner is ok with it, then I guess it is fine. You can move your family around easily in an emergency. But with a large family, it really is a must. I hate having to ask people to put themselves out for something very simple.

God knows what it will be like when they are all teenagers!

I passed my test three weeks ago and like you had never been fussed and had actually been quite defensive about my decision not to drive. My DH actually said to me that he would really appreciate it if I learned as it was a big responsibility on him to do all the driving and ferrying our two DC around.

I thought about it and realised it was actually quite selfish choosing not to drive, yes I used public transport but DH did lots of driving and it was convenient.

In just three weeks, and despite living in London with great public transport, I've realised just how useful it is and would highly recommend learning to anyone feeling nervous. It IS worth it.

Take it from me, you will regret it. I'm 49 now, never learned to drive, kids are 8 & 10 and if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have a problem coz my husband drives, and I live in a major city with excellent public transport, but it is a MASSIVE pain to get them around their activities, particularly sports without a car. Relying on friends is all very well if your kids do exactly the same things at the same time, but mostly they don't and then friendships move on. Learn now, you will never regret knowing something you rarely need to use, but you will come to regret it if you don't learn soon.

Really, bikerlou?

So you've dealt with around 300,000 widows whose husbands did all the driving?

Amazing .

Yes you are. Stop relying on others to ferry you and your charges about. Give a bit and relieve yours and others burdens. Learn to drive and stop being dependent and wasting time buggering about on public transport

I'm 38 and don't drive and neither does my husband. We manage. It's true it can be a pain in the butt sometimes but I lived in London for 15 years and never needed it. Now we live in a semi rural area and have just learnt to adapt. We also consider it to be relatively green not to drive which is a bonus. We do get lifts from people if offered/they are going our way etc. In an emergency we have lots of kind neighbours and family around us or we would phone an ambulance if required.

I don't like driving but I am glad I passed my test and can take myself anywhere I choose. There's lots of things it would take me ages to do if I had to rely on public transport and I definatly wouldnt be able to work where I do which would impact on my earning potential. My parents don't drive and don't miss it but as an adult I can see I missed out on lots of outings that friends had growing up. I also had a friend who never passed her test and it was annoying to ferry her around and her nor take her turn as a designated driver. She now has 3 kids so I can only meet her in certain places as I don't have room in my car to give everyone a lift.

I drive to different sites for work so do a lot of driving in a month. My husband also drives but not so much. I get a bit fed up of him wanting me to drive us wherever we go because he doesn't really like driving. I don't mind doing it sometimes, even most of the time, but if I've had a really hectic week with lots of travelling, I just don't want to drive more miles that week.

My point being, I wouldn't be with somebody who wouldn't drive. I won't say 'couldn't' because if they can't for medical reasons, fair enough, but sheer dogmatic 'I don't want to' just wouldn't work for me. I don't really understand why a spouse's driving licence/ability to drive, is considered enough to cover you as well. I think that's quite selfish .

To the non-drivers, irrespective of the lengths you go to, to avoid asking for lifts, it still does put pressure on drivers to ensure that you can get somewhere if you need to because nobody who could drive would leave you stranded - and that onus would be on them, not you.

More non-drivers coming on to say they 'manage' and 'get by'.

Living semi-rurally without a car seems incredibly limiting.

The thing is, drivers can imagine what it's like not being able to drive. But non-drivers can't actually imagine what it's like having the ability to drive. So this is kind of a pointless discussion.

If you feel you don't need to drive, and you're comfortable depending on others (and even potentially being a burden on close family members), then there's no issue.

I passed my test in 2004 & have hardly driven since. I hate driving because of the other road users because of the pedestrians because I think I'm quite crap at it (spatial awareness) etc etc. But I'm really glad I did learn as it's a useful skill that I might take up again. Most places are close to home so we can walk or if I'm desperate I'll ask my husband or family member. Plus we can't afford two cars. I think yanbu but should definitely go for it someday.

My mum regrets not learning to drive now she has grandkids. Cadging lifts for a 70 mile round trip is a big ask.
I learned to drive at 18 and started driving at 35. I don't enjoy it but have to now and then, usually child related.
Try it, you might like it!

I didn't learn to drive until I was in my thirties. I'd tell people it was because I had no interest but the truth was I was scared. I was still scared when I took my first few driving lessons and almost gave up when I couldn't get the concept of gears. I swapped to an automatic and I can't tell you how much of a difference that made. If you're really not driving because you're nervous I'd recommend trying to learn in an auto. I still hate driving and if I never had to drive again I'd be more than happy, but nowadays I really do think it's a necessity.

I don't drive and I think it helps the family health as we walk everywhere. In an emergency you could take a taxi. It would probably be cheaper than paying all the costs of a car of used on occasion. I also think it's not good for children to be ferried around to activities etc. there are plenty of things after school at the school and not when they are older they walk to school too but themselves.

My mum didn't take her driving test until she was 40 - mostly because secretly my dad liked having control

My dad would have liked the control but wasn't very secret about it. A work colleague's wife was learning to drive, probably when she was about 40, and he said to his colleague that he'd never have any control over her again!

My mum always had her own car. When my dad retired they briefly experimented with having one car but quickly went back to having one each.

We do get lifts from people if offered/they are going our way etc skywest- exactly. And that's why non drivers can be a pain.

I also don't want to "manage" or " get by". Not driving would severely impact on the quality of life for my family.

I have a friends with a husband who was declared medically unfit to drive about 2 years ago. We live in a reasonably well connected area in terms of public transport, kids walk to school etc. But regardless, it's a massive strain on her being the only driver. Things like long trips to stay on holiday - she has to do all the driving. They're going abroad on holiday next year and she will have to do all the driving on the fly drive that the kids are terribly excited by. Kid into cycling in a big way but the race meet is 20 miles away or they're doing a long ride with overnight stay and need collecting from the other end. Taking dog to vet. Dropping her husband at work/driving to see her mother/his mother/friends who aren't on a transport link. Escorting kids to parties. Taking things to the tip. Going out for the evening and always being the designated driver. Basically everything that involves logistical issues is her domain now. And it has been particularly difficult with her recently having an op and no driving for 6 weeks. Of course all friends have rallied round, but it's not the same and while she doesn't resent her dh not being able to drive, it hasn't made their lives easy.

I actually think it can be the non-driver who likes to exert control over the driving partner; putting pressure on their husband/wife to drive to places and never being able to share the drive.

As a woman, I would never want to abdicate that control to my husband or anybody else, I truly value and enjoy my independence.

There might be plenty of after-school activities at your school LovelyBath, but not all schools necessarily offer that every day / on days/times that are convenient.

And besides, the variety of activities is far more varied and interesting if you're willing to go further afield than just school - and drive to them!

I also think it's not good for children to be ferried around to activities etc

It's fine if all the activities are at school. As I mentioned upthread, we can do swimming by bike - that's fine, I do drive but we cycle a lot too.

Years ago my son played football. Training was within walking distance. Matches were all over the place. If I'd not had a car, or my husband had been away, I would have had to call in lots of favours from other parents that I would not have been able to return. Or paid for very expensive taxis. Buses would not have been an option.

I do parkrun every Saturday. I could potentially cycle to one venue. The other venue I could potentially get a train part of the way and then cycle or run the rest. So ok, I could do that without a car.

My son goes to an athletics club - not the local one. So we need a car for that - the local one does not cater for his athletics discipline. We also need a car to get to some of the fixtures.

Dentist is walkable. Orthodontist would mean getting two buses. I don't even know if it's feasible to get them without hanging around somewhere for 4 hours.

If you CAN drive, do it. If you have a medical reason for not being able to, I guess it's just another inconvenience of the condition - what can you do? But why inflict that problem on yourself?

And why be dependent on a man if you don't have to be?

I learned to drive at 35, passed my test 28 weeks pregnant with no 5. Best thing I ever did. There is nothing like the freedom
It gives. It's not unreasonable not to but a bit daft not to want to. It's a very good skill to have even if you don't use it.

I learned to drive when I was 18, and then I never drove again. Admitted, I originally lived in the Netherlands where cycling is standard, but after I moved to the UK I never drove either. I rarely cycle here, though. Car drivers here are much less considerate, so I find cycling scary here. So I walk. My partner doesn't drive either.
Being unable to drive has its disadvantages, but they are few and far between, and none of them is worth forking out mad amounts of money for a car that we'd rarely use. The worst downside is having to deal with the fact that most drivers seem to assume that the car is a natural extension of the human body.
This society is way too car-focused anyway, wigth all the problems that brings. Cars pollute, kids cannot play safely outside in many places, and as there are more cars there are also more car accidents with resulting injuries and the cost to the NHS that brings.

Many of the arguments that people use to explain why you'd need a car are irrelevant. Unless you live very rural, you don't need a car to get your shopping, or to take your kids to school or to clubs or to go to interesting places. All that can be done on foot, with a bike, or with public transport.

I'm 34 and don't drive, neither does my DH (also 34) we have 7DC (age 13 and under, all ours, together) we walk everywhere, or get public transport if its too far. I spend whole evenings some days running around to various activities. I had lessons a few years ago but got so anxious about failing and not clever enough to get the theory done. DH has no interest in learning at all, but neither of us nor our children know any different. We don't ask for lifts. We actually like to walk. I works for us.

I passed my test at 19 after almost 2 years of lessons and I hated every lesson with a passion I was almost physically sick before I got in the car (I actually was 3 times!!). I drove for abut 3 years after passing and was a nervous wreck on every drive I did I hated it and I wasn't safe because of my nervousness. I then moved to London so I didn't need to drive and I when I moved back and I gave it amother go I went into full panic attack mode and was actually sick in the car whilst driving. I tried some refresher lessons bit I felt so ill in the driving seat I gave up. I have it my best shot but it so wasn't for me. I have to rely on my dh and family for lifts and it is a real pain and I feel so guilty because my kids do sometimes have to miss out on things because I cant drive but I have tried and I don't think it is for everyone. You are in charge of a machine that can seriously Hurt someone or even kill and you have to be confident. I walk or bus most places and I walk to and from work a lovely 35 minute child free stroll and it is the best part of my day. People do think I am odd and should just man up but people wouldn't think that if I caused a major accident which due to mu lack of confidence I would be scared that I could. I have no anxiety issues otherwise and class myself as a pretty confident person but put me in a driving seat and I just go into meltdown mode. I blame my dad inadvertently as when I was a teenager and mobiles first came out when ever my mum went out on her own he made her always call to say she had reached her destination and he wanted her to call before she left again so I grew up thinking driving was dangerous. He also drove 35 miles to work on the motorway every day and saw and witnessed lots of terrible accidents so he put the fear of God in me!!

Unless you live very rural, you don't need a car to get your shopping, or to take your kids to school or to clubs or to go to interesting places. All that can be done on foot, with a bike, or with public transport.

You just can't say that! It's not true.

We would live a shadow of a restricted life without our car(s).