AIBU to want to escape PTA hell?

[Pulluptothebumperbaby]

I helped on the PTA last year and didn't find it the most pleasurable of experiences but reminded myself it's for the benefit of the school blah, blah, blah.

The then-chair kept pestering me to take on the role of chair when she left. I didn't want to do it as I'm not really the PTA "type", DH threatened me with divorce if I did it and I have a very, very busy life anyway.

Come the week before the AGM, the chair cornered me and said there is absolutely no-one to take the role of chair. She said it's an easy role, there is lots of support from the committee, the events run themselves, every thing is already in place and it's just a matter of following the formula. I said I really wasn't the right person for the job but I'd give it a go as they're desperate.

You can probably tell where this is going. It's not even half-term and I'm already a stressed-out maniac. It's a full-time fucking job! The fucking events don't run themselves and no fucker is interested in helping. The previous chair pulled a fucking blinder on me.

There is no way I can carry on like this for the rest of the year but what do I do? As much as I hate it, leaving them in the lurch is a shit thing to do. Do I ask for a co-chair to help lighten the load (un-bloody-likely)?
Or do i resign and let some other poor fucker be roped into it.
I feel like a right fool for agreeing to it in the first place when deep down I knew it wasn't for me (and that was before the full-blown ordeal became apparent!). Fuck.

I work in a senior role four days a week and find the school PTA members terrifying. Seriously. You can tell they're all good friends and I honestly don't want to approach them as (I think) it will take effort on my part to integrate.

I contrast this with ds's precious school PTA chair who made a massive effort to approach parents in the playground one to one and ask a few questions to generate interest etc. She was much more relaxed, friendly and cliquey.

Funnily enough can you guess which one I volunteered for....

I will quite happily help out if I can but it if is more effort on my side then no chance as I work (bloody hard). But I see the value in the PTA.

Funnily enough our PTA has events which are far too geared towards the adults (e.g. Adults only Halloween event - not going to attend when I know no one, disco which went on late and parents brought booze while the kids ran riot etc etc). Again, contrasts with the previous school which only had one parent only event a year with the rest for the children

Someone did flag that too many events were aimed at adults and they were flamed on Facebook. Put me right off. But they had a point!

OP, it's obviously not for you at the moment, so resign. Maybe chat to the Head to explain the issues - she/he may be of the mind to take a look at the PTA structure and make it more effective.

When you're recovered, maybe volunteer to coordinate an online school lottery (ours raises about 1k pa, only labour is sending out leaflets in bookbags once a year, odd mention in the weekly school newsletter and completing a very simple annual return).

But like others, I'm saddened at the anti-PTA sentiment that pervades MN. Committees are cliquey because it's the same people doing the same jobs, facing the same stresses and feeling constant criticism and expectations from other members of the school community. We get very defensive and look out for each other!

We've spent a couple of years automating as many processes as possible. Online ticketing and volunteering-sign-up. Outsourcing specific jobs to homeworkers (e.g. Making up endless bags of reindeer dust). Ensuring every event is documented on Dropbox so anyone can access it and pick it up. Making sure we have a good mix of free/low cost fun events vs big money makers. We do rag recycling which the schools caretaker helps with, raises about 500pa.

It's time consuming and thankless. But rewarding when we see kids having fun buying a jazzy jar, or see a library full of books or know that families on very low income can buy cheap as chips perfect condition second hand uniform from us for 20p.

Oh dear! I always steer clear of actually joining PTA but am very generous with my time volunteering in school and for events. Keeps me out but beneficial and this has put me off. It sounds like it's too much of a burden and you weren't told what the role would honestly involve, that is at least good grounds for you to either get extra help or say you'll resign. Good luck xx

Whilst it would be great if more people did a little to spread the load, it's unfair to guilt someone into a role they are just not comfortable with. Everyone is different. We have common ground of being parents but that is all.

For some the thought of standing up and doing a speech in front of 500 terrifies them but I wouldn't mind a bit. Equally the thought of spending a morning volunteering at the local nursery minding lots of kids brings me out in a rash whereas others relish it. We are all different and no-one should feel pressured into doing something that just doesn't make them happy.
If folk are avoiding helping out just out of sheer laziness then yes they need their arse kicked but that is just too difficult to prove or do for roles that are purely voluntary.

The irony is, there are posters saying don't do it (or anything) because it's stressful, and a full time job; but it's only this BECAUSE of the parents who do nothing. They are the cause of it being so full on.

If everyone did a little bit, there would be no stress for anyone.

All the excuses are even worse- 'they're cliquey, I work full time, it's sexist, they're just bored busy bodies' all just excuses to absolve you of helping.

I hate people saying 'x was funded by the PTA'. Um, no. It was paid for by parents.

Does anyone know if a school is 'allowed' (legally) to ask for an annual cheque for £x in lieu of a pta?

I hate people saying 'x was funded by the PTA'. Um, no. It was paid for by parents.

I'm, yeah. The PTA Committee overseas the fundraising activities at a particular school, and all parents and teachers are "automatically" PTA members. So when "they" say the PTA funded something, they're correct. They're not saying the Committee did it, but rather the PTA as a school-wide organisation.

Does anyone know if a school is 'allowed' (legally) to ask for an annual cheque for £x in lieu of a pta?

I don't see why not. They ask for cheques for every other damn thing.

Either way, if they can't ask, a PTA (or PFTA or Friends of) can ask. Most of these are registered charities anyway, and charities can ask. And ask. And ask...

My old secondary school didn't have a PTA (I started year 7 in 1989) - they would ask for a donation of £50 per child at the start of the school year and then wouldn't ask for any more.

Why are women expected to provide unpaid labour at the expense of their own health and well being? It is bullying and it is not on. Women are conditioned to feel guilty and I think every time we say 'no' to some unreasonable request it is a small victory for our worth as people

Agree with Whatthe.
At these events you rarely see the men doing the drudgey, boring stuff. They generally do the fun stuff such as barbecuing or dressing up as Father Christmas.

All the excuses are even worse- 'they're cliquey, I work full time, it's sexist, they're just bored busy bodies' all just excuses to absolve you of helping

It's a two way street. You've got to be open and welcoming if you want volunteers and people should chip in more. But it is offputting if chipping in requires a lot of effort and social discomfort.

you rarely see the men doing the drudgey, boring stuff. They generally do the fun stuff such as barbecuing

As someone who has worked the BBQ for a school summer fair, I would rather stuff and lick a million envelopes than do it again. It is truly one of the circles of hell. Probably the 7th. Maybe the 9th.

I agree Sprink. I can't imagine flipping 100s of burgers over getting smoky eyes and burnt fingers, or sitting in a stuffy Santa Claus outfit whilst you asked the hundredth kid if they've been good, is particularly fun.

I don't see 'excuses' I see 'reasons'.

Do you want to do this shit and not hugely necessary job? No thanks I am too busy and wouldn't enjoy it. It's not an excuse, I don't need permission to not do it. I just don't think it's worth it!

One of my DC goes to a school where they just ask you to pay into school fund. It's great.

I'd rather (and do) volunteer for causes who are more in need of help than for kids in a perfectly reasonable naice school to have another set of basketball hoops.