AIBU to want to escape PTA hell?

[Pulluptothebumperbaby]

I helped on the PTA last year and didn't find it the most pleasurable of experiences but reminded myself it's for the benefit of the school blah, blah, blah.

The then-chair kept pestering me to take on the role of chair when she left. I didn't want to do it as I'm not really the PTA "type", DH threatened me with divorce if I did it and I have a very, very busy life anyway.

Come the week before the AGM, the chair cornered me and said there is absolutely no-one to take the role of chair. She said it's an easy role, there is lots of support from the committee, the events run themselves, every thing is already in place and it's just a matter of following the formula. I said I really wasn't the right person for the job but I'd give it a go as they're desperate.

You can probably tell where this is going. It's not even half-term and I'm already a stressed-out maniac. It's a full-time fucking job! The fucking events don't run themselves and no fucker is interested in helping. The previous chair pulled a fucking blinder on me.

There is no way I can carry on like this for the rest of the year but what do I do? As much as I hate it, leaving them in the lurch is a shit thing to do. Do I ask for a co-chair to help lighten the load (un-bloody-likely)?
Or do i resign and let some other poor fucker be roped into it.
I feel like a right fool for agreeing to it in the first place when deep down I knew it wasn't for me (and that was before the full-blown ordeal became apparent!). Fuck.

I agree with Narnia . The hardest bit is getting people to help. I nearly cancelled a juniors disco last year as we didn't have the 5 people needed to supervise on the night. Easy peasy to offer to help, there was a tick box on the reply form when buying the ticket. Ended up having to draft in my family.

One of my biggest regret was getting involved in the PTA. It destroyed my experience of my DS's school. I was the same. Got roped in by friends. I was a co-chair with someone who was born to ve on the PTA. No one helped at events. It was a massive school, yet it was hellish every year to muster up people to man stalls etc. Ask for help, if they don't help, resign and let people whine as much as they like about no school fete and no leavers books etc. If they moan to you, your answer can always be that they could always do it. You don't have time. End of story.

I'm in this situation - structure a bit different as I live abroad, but life-ruining potential the same. This is what I've done...1) strict time limit of 2 hours on each meeting (phone calls: 15 mins), they start on time and finish on time as this helps everyone focus 2) discussion has to be prepared or it gets nowhere. All feedback to be sent to you via email with a deadline of two weeks before the next meeting, so you and your committee can prepare it. 99% of moaners miss this deadline, leaving you to concentrate on the small amount of feedback that is important. 3) voluntary work certificates from council as incentive for people to be helping, plus lots of praise, remembering to send out emails for positive stuff as well as asks, etc 4) hide of rhino and robust sense of humour 5) lots of wine.

Otherwise - resign, maybe life is too short.

I would also say delegate as much as you can, you make your contribution by organizing but you should not have to and could not do everything, otherwise it does become a full-time job. If nobody to help, scale down, look at moaners beadily and explain why.

Good luck 🍷

Resign. Leave the school. Leave the country. Run for the hills...

Wow it's the same at every school then. I was on the PTA when DC1 first went to school. She's now in the final year and I remember the anxiety even now. I ended up writing letters and printing them in my paid job time to catch up with the secretary roles. I could have been caught and seriously been marked down. I wouldn't rejoin.

Resign.

With immediate effect.

DON'T, whatever you do, offer to stay until they find someone to take over - they never will.

If necessary, fake your own death.

Resign.

I got suckered into doing a similar voluntary role. It has been a nightmare. When I realised that I was seriously considering moving us all to a new town to get out of it, I came to my senses and handed in my notice. Massive relief.

I would not resign. It's fixable. As the chair - you get to decide what activities are put on; you DON'T have to do whatever was done last year, create a slimmed down version that is more manageable.

Then send out a note say I need x amount of people to do these specific jobs and volunteer by x date or events will be cancelled. And stick to it.

I get how much hard work it is (I've been a co chair, twice) and had only 3 people turn up for events.
Fortunately the staff were amazing at turning up for events (not the meetings).
It was difficult and not particularly enjoyable but we did as another poster suggested.
Picked summer and Xmas fair (at infant school) and did discos (at junior school).
Play to ur audience - if parents can't be bothered and want to ditch their kids do discos and film nights and put the fee accordingly so u only have to do 2 a year.
Whilst it wasn't a particularly enjoyable or appreciated role (my kids now 16,14 & 12) really appreciate what we did and remember the events with a fondness that I don't.
My stipulation was that funds raised needed putting to use the year we raised them and that way my kids got the benefit.

Resign. Right away. You don't need this. You will probably get bad mouthed but it will be worth it.

I got entangled into PTA - I actually made a decision to resign from my position; but we (dh and I) decided it was a better idea to change schools as I would never get myself out of the position - so we did.
I sympathise completely. Sorry it's so crap

Prezel1979 's ideas are fabulous, not just for PTA. I've been on NCT committees and this would have worked really well for them too.

I am an ex-co Chair of the PTA. It really taught me a lesson about how to keep my trap shut in meetings. I'll never be so stupid again. My co-Chair didn't work and she would ring me every day at work and tell me what she'd done that day; even when there was no particular event on there always seemed to be something to do. And to be fair to her - maybe there was.

If you can't/aren't minded to implement Prezel's regime, I'd quit.

Run, the freedom.

I hated the PTA, so much wittering - I have a job, I don't need that shit too in the minimum freetime.

A recent PTA member sent out a message saying they resigned, looking for someone to take over and its a shit job - you've been warned.

made me chuckle!

patbutchersearrings I nearly wet myself reading that! Strange place indeeed the PTA - and woe betide you if you start to make any suggestions about the running of the actual school - whoa up there, PTA is actually just the cake sale and school fair association, been there and done that. Thankless. Two routes here - either get tough and beat them all into doing a bit more (for the sake of the kids etc) or walk away. Done soldier on or you will be the person hoodwinking some other poor soul into next year.

You know what, I wouldn't resign. I'm secretary of our PTA and yes it is a thankless job, and yes I was real roaded into it. But if you leave it will be a full year of no money coming in and no events for the kids because as you say no one else will replace you. If you stick it out, call an extraordinary meeting and get some deputies you will have an OK year. No, probably not the amount of funds normally raised but better than none.
See it through, or don't leave until you make sure some succeeds you, it's not fair on the kids and it's a commitment you made to them.

PTAs get a lot of bad press. Just look at that film Bad Moms, the PTA was villified. The problem is, if people think its cliquey they don't join and if people don't join then of course it's cliquey.

But if there isn't a PTA then there are no school discos, no christmas parties, and as Ghodavies says, the kids love these things and they are an important part of school life and memories.

I think you need to tell the PTA - and the wider school community - that you can't do it in the current format. State the things you are willing to run, if there are enough volunteers. And state a time frame that you are willing to persevere, eg until Christmas. See how if goes. And resign if it doesn't get any better. At least you've given it a fair go.

Resign now. There is a pattern and process to this.

1. A letters must go out to all parents announcing your resignation as Chair, offering a short handover period and appealing for new PTA members/chair/secretary. This will be ignored.

1. After half term a further letter must go out pleading for new members/Chair/acting Chair if the PTA is to continue. This will also be ignored.

1. Mid November a final letter will go out saying that sadly the PTA is winding down for the rest of this academic year, and there will be no Christmas disco. You will now be flooded with reluctant do-gooders, and a new Chair will be found.

Done correctly, the whole process can take less than a month

Also works for toddler groups and village fundraising committees

I am both empathising and slightly wincing at this! I was PTA chair for a year (co-chair role) and it was a HUGE amount of work and hassle - but I also really enjoyed it. We had a big brainstorm session at the beginning of the year and were clear that events would only happen if there were enough volunteers. We had an amazing group of parents - some of whom would volunteer to organise one element of one event a year; some of whom turned up to every event; many of whom were in-between. Whilst some of the events felt like 'the same old faces', equally we were always seeing new people come in (& I HOPE always welcomed them with open arms and cups of tea/booze)

I would have a think about what you are and aren't happy to do rather than going straight for the resign button.

To give you an alternative plan - this was what we did in similar case. Call an extraordinary meeting and get as many parents there as poss - new year is a good time. We got loads to ours - 10 x more than would ever come to a committee meeting. Make the meeting about the future of the PTA rather than you, obv! "a chance to determine the future funding and which events that we organise" etc. Get them to decide what the PTA should be about (ours had three goals: to raise money; promote the community of the school ... um, and something else!): if events don't meet those goals (e.g. small fundraising initiatives) cut 'em. Decide on the big key events (again, get them to do that - be prepared for some whinging) Then ask for volunteer teams to run each event - and decide upon a leader for each event. If you don't get a team with a leader, you cut 'em. Set the meeting time at 2 hours absolute max and keep to the time.

As chair, volunteer to run 1 large and 1 small event MAX, and say you are there as sounding board for other events: the teams just need to report into you so you know everything is under control/agree a budget etc. You will end up having to step in a bit, but at least some of the teams will self-run. Make sure the teams check in and give them oodles of praise and glory for their organising - name checks in the PTA newsletter; round of applause/small gift after the event etc etc. Ime, when people feel appreciated, it makes a massive difference to engagement.

One if the schools that my children went to did not have any sort of pta. I don't think the children missed out actually.

What are you fundraising specifically for?

*Incidentally, I ended up in up to my neck joined all the above as the reluctant do-gooder. It works.

Sara - I'm with you on that.We don't need any more houseplants to die, any more slightly dodgy cakes. Maybe just a small badge? "I've given, now leave me alone!"

OP - as chair of the PTA you are in charge of the agenda, in which case you take whatever anyone else has proposed, tear it up and replace it with just one item: Selection of new Chair. Tell DH before you go to the meeting and make sure he has a big glass of whatever-does-you-good when you get home.

TL;DR - don't put up with this shit.

Everyone who is saying get out now, leave etc... very selfish.
PTAs do matter, and if more parents helped out just a little, the load would be a lot less for those of us who can be bothered to do something to help.
My DDs primary school PTA raised over £10,000 last academic year...that's a phenomenal amount, which has changed things for the better at the school. How can anyone say PTAs aren't important?! Everyone's kids benefit from monies raised, and it is so unfair that not everyone who is in a position to help, does.
OP well done on what you're doing. If I was you I would heed the more sensible advice on here, job descriptions etc and making sure everyone knows exactly what their role is, and yes unfortunately if there aren't enough volunteers throughout the year then certain events have to be cancelled and you need to make it clear why that is.

Fake your own death. Or move countries. It's the only way out.

The children don't need a Christmas disco. They don't need leavers books or Christmas crackers.

I don't think it's worth making yourself so unhappy to provide those sorts of things.

Secondary schools ask for cash for leavers books.