AIBU to want to escape PTA hell?

[Pulluptothebumperbaby]

I helped on the PTA last year and didn't find it the most pleasurable of experiences but reminded myself it's for the benefit of the school blah, blah, blah.

The then-chair kept pestering me to take on the role of chair when she left. I didn't want to do it as I'm not really the PTA "type", DH threatened me with divorce if I did it and I have a very, very busy life anyway.

Come the week before the AGM, the chair cornered me and said there is absolutely no-one to take the role of chair. She said it's an easy role, there is lots of support from the committee, the events run themselves, every thing is already in place and it's just a matter of following the formula. I said I really wasn't the right person for the job but I'd give it a go as they're desperate.

You can probably tell where this is going. It's not even half-term and I'm already a stressed-out maniac. It's a full-time fucking job! The fucking events don't run themselves and no fucker is interested in helping. The previous chair pulled a fucking blinder on me.

There is no way I can carry on like this for the rest of the year but what do I do? As much as I hate it, leaving them in the lurch is a shit thing to do. Do I ask for a co-chair to help lighten the load (un-bloody-likely)?
Or do i resign and let some other poor fucker be roped into it.
I feel like a right fool for agreeing to it in the first place when deep down I knew it wasn't for me (and that was before the full-blown ordeal became apparent!). Fuck.

Really? If your kid's school(s) sent a letter asking for a cash donation every year in lieu of no summer fair, disco, etc. how many parents would willingly send that in? I can imagine the threads about it on here.....

I feel your pain as it often feels like a huge thankless task. There's 5 of us on our committee and we all get on really well and share the burden and also have an extremely supportive head and teacher rep. It's hard work, it's not vital to the running of the school (although the money helps fund library books, after school clubs, sports equipment etc) but the sense of achievement of organising a big event like a fair and seeing everyone enjoy it is worth it.

I hate the bad press that PTAs get on here. What the fuck is PTA type? Our PTA is not cliquey, there's no queen bee and our children certainly don't get any preferable treatment for us being on the PTA.

If you really don't wish to continue, then resign. If you would like to carry on, then as others have said massively scale back on what you do. If there's no one committed to helping run events then it shouldn't all fall down to you to do everything. If you really don't have any support then I would definitely consider giving up.

If doing it makes you unhappy, get out. Quick. You've served on PTA so anyone complaining, then ask them to step up to the mark.
I have serious committee fatigue - 3 years on nursery, 2 as secretary. 3 years on some wanky tick box committee that was soul destroying, 2 as chair and 6 years sports committee. I still help at stuff but I will never sit on a committee again. When I was trying to stand down and get folk to take over, if anyone did the whole 'oh you'll be missed, who else will do it' I just said 'It doesn't make me happy anymore'. The worst part about these things is trying to recruit a successor. I felt really press ganged into taking the role of chair and really resented this. Thus I always said I'd never press gang anyone to take over. As such, the wanky committee folded (no great loss, it really was shite and the one I feel most resentment about as I was totally hoodwinked onto it) and so far no-one has taken over the sports committee. Neither of these are my problem and I no longer care. If folk start bemoaning lack of Xmas parties etc. then let them organise it. Some folk seem to have gotten through years of nursery and school without ever being on a committee - the ones who usually are the first to complain.

I hated how things took so long to discuss. I changed the way things worked to having most stuff done by email and Facebook as I really hate spending 2/3 hours at a meeting when 30 minutes would suffice. I had no interest in gossip and idle chat when we had an agenda to get through - I hate my time being wasted this way.

I recently joined the community council but unfortunately had to leave after 3 months because of meetings, sub-meetings, topic meetings etc. It was driving me nuts and I could see the older ones delighted at a relative younger newbie was showing enthusiasm almost like I was being groomed to take over. Not a chance. Despite several 'I'm not available' for so many meetings, they still asked that I come along. I resigned pronto stating I just didn't have the time. From now on I will be keeping my head firmly below the parapet.

I'd pay happily. But only if then I was guaranteed not to be badgered to make cakes/attend fairs/man stalls.

The reality is that I would pay my donation and still get hassled.

Been there
Done it
Both pta, church council secretary and church volunteer.
I would rather give a cash donation and go to hell than do any of those things again!

Eolian tbh it seems a bit silly when the money they raise at the fete to help reduce the cost of school trips etc is all money spent by the parents anyway (probably on stuff they don't really want but feel they have to buy).

this. I went blue in the face on discussions about why we needed to sell coffee or cookie dough or giftwrap or whatever for a $2/item profit, when the main buyers were the parents (I never hit up gp's or neighbours). Why do the work to organize the fundraiser, buy an overpriced something I don't want for $10, so the school can make $2? Why not skip the work and give a cash donation of $2? or more? What did make more sense was discounted movie tickets and gift cards - benefited the buyer and the school with a low admin time.

I can see both sides. I have been on the PTA and it was like having a job! I did 3 years and stepped down because it was taking over my life, and I felt taken for granted - I am an efficient person and it seemed that because I can get stuff done quickly I was being given more and more to do.

The positives are that I learnt some useful skills (Treasurer) and as I was not working at the time it was good to have something to show on my CV. I was new to the school, so it was a way to get to know other parents and I made some good friends. My children loved the fact that I helped at school, they felt proud of me. I think it was a confidence boost to them that I valued their school enough to be involved.

The downsides were the criticism from other parents, who seemed to forget you are a volunteer and expected some sort of professional service! Also not being able to spend time with my own children at events. The bitchiness between committee members I think finished me off.

I do think that PTAs are worthwhile as the children love the events, it is the icing on the cake for a school if it has nice community-spirited events.

The money raised is helpful too. (Parents at our school moan about how much everything costs already, so I really can't see how they would agree to donating an annual amount to school!)

As for the Chair role - here's my tips:
I think as someone else suggested the title of Co-ordinator would be better. See yourself as a communicator and a manager. Delegate, delegate! Do not do everything yourself.
Rather than asking for general help draw up a list of tasks - e.g. someone to do posters and signs; someone to do decorations; someone to approach businesses for raffle prizes etc. People are often willing to take on a small task, but not a big role.
Set-up mini-teams.
If someone suggests an event, ask if they would be willing to get a team together to organise it. If not, don't do it.
Speak to the head. Ask if teachers can be enlisted to help - not at every event, but for example at one or two events a year. If the teachers are on your side it really helps as they will stand up for you to parents!
Lastly if you give yourself a fixed amount of time in the role and communicate this from the start then no-one can be surprised when you stand down.

Do you get paid for these jobs? I'm guessing not...

Seems like a good way to get.women to do basically all the organising of the school unpaid.

Why assume it's only women on these PTAs? There has always been a mix of genders on my kids school PTA, maybe because it's a secondary school?

I have backed away from the PTA. But what I do do is have hoards of children round before fayres etc so they can set up in peace. I also will write and deliver a quiz as long as I'm not expected to organise anything. This goes some way to help out without committing to something I can't manage

I never got involved in ours greatly, it was well run and I supported some of the events. I did run a couple of stalls at the fairs.

TBH I hate being involved in anything like that, it brings the worse out in me some people thrive on it.

I would resign if it's too much for you.

My impression is that it is super cliquey, and they really only wanted their friends involved - I've been knocked back a few times when volunteering to help with events.

If it's anything like here in Hong Kong, especially at international schools, generally there are lots of wealthy but bored housewives with children at the schools.

I've just joined our PTA. I see the chair and wonder how she does it. She's so organised and enthusiastic that I can't imagine anyone wanting to replace or compete with her.

If it's too much work then either ask for a couple of co-chairs to share the load or just resign. There is no shame in putting your marriage before the PTA!

I've only read the first page but I'm already fuming!

No one gives a shit about the pta?
Well, apart from your children enjoying the climbing frame bought by them, the school discos etc etc

It is for your children's benefit. Why the fuck should 10% of the parents (that's what it seems to be at our school) do all the work to benefit all?

if you don't help, you are utterly selfish. (I don't mean you op, I mean the parents who don't help at all).

I can see exactly where op is coming from, but it's because there are so many parents who do fuck all (as clearly demonstrated in this thread) that jobs like the pta chair end up being a full time job.

An example. I read with the children who are struggling one morning from 9am till 10am. When I come out, still at the school gates gossiping, is a group of mums who do fuck all to help. One of them is the parent of one of the children I help to read. Who is miles behind because she does fuck all at home.

Just help. Do your bit.

I mean the parents who don't help at all

My parents never helped out, my cousins' parents never helped out. They were always too busy working their fingers to the bone trying to pay for the school's existence via their taxable salaries.

I've read the thread now.
I love the idea mooted that each family gets a choice. Write a cheque for £x amount or volunteer for x hours.

BTW. my relatives and parents worked weekends whilst I was growing up. So maybe you can try getting a job and then find time to moan about people who work stupid hours so you don't have to.

Run the events you can run, cancel those you can't, and make it clear that the reason they are being cancelled is because no fucker will help.

Our PTA nearly folded recently as. I one would step forward to be chair (have done it myself for 2 yrs, it is a thankless task and loads of work). We let it be known the PTA would fold if no one helped and stepped up and op and behold loads of people did when it came to the crunch. You just need to be more vocal to get help.

Email everyone tonight. Say you have been acting as chair since X date and you are stepping down with immediate effect because the work load is far more then anticipated. You don't have the time

Jig - many people pay taxes and help out. Many people don't pay higher taxes and don't help out. I think everyone should do their bit, give what they can, whether financially or time, so that a few lovely people aren't run ragged.

The other approach is to coordinate others being in charge of specific events. Appeal to all parents via letter asking for parents to take charge of the valentines disco and the summer bingo game. Explain in the letter that events will run if there's enough volunteers to run them

I like how my dds football team organise volunteers. At the bottom of every single email, in their signature strip is 'every child requires 1 hours volunteering each week to keep the fees so low. If you're not doing your hour, that means someone else is.' Food for thought.

I don't give a shit about the PTA & honestly my kids were not fussed by the events they ran. I'd have been happy to see it fold if no one wanted to do it. I don't like reliance on unpaid female labour as a construct. I'd prefer to make a donation, if it were necessary for the school. I have roughly a million better things to do with my time than get involved in pta stuff. Most men don't bother with this shit, why should we?