AIBU to want to escape PTA hell?

[Pulluptothebumperbaby]

I helped on the PTA last year and didn't find it the most pleasurable of experiences but reminded myself it's for the benefit of the school blah, blah, blah.

The then-chair kept pestering me to take on the role of chair when she left. I didn't want to do it as I'm not really the PTA "type", DH threatened me with divorce if I did it and I have a very, very busy life anyway.

Come the week before the AGM, the chair cornered me and said there is absolutely no-one to take the role of chair. She said it's an easy role, there is lots of support from the committee, the events run themselves, every thing is already in place and it's just a matter of following the formula. I said I really wasn't the right person for the job but I'd give it a go as they're desperate.

You can probably tell where this is going. It's not even half-term and I'm already a stressed-out maniac. It's a full-time fucking job! The fucking events don't run themselves and no fucker is interested in helping. The previous chair pulled a fucking blinder on me.

There is no way I can carry on like this for the rest of the year but what do I do? As much as I hate it, leaving them in the lurch is a shit thing to do. Do I ask for a co-chair to help lighten the load (un-bloody-likely)?
Or do i resign and let some other poor fucker be roped into it.
I feel like a right fool for agreeing to it in the first place when deep down I knew it wasn't for me (and that was before the full-blown ordeal became apparent!). Fuck.

I was Chair of our village playgroup for 2 years and as a result, never went near the school PTA. That was enough to put me off for life!

Whatthese - bit of a generalisation to say men don't get involved. Lots of dads at our school do get involved, just not often with the PTA committee stuff. For example they run the BBQs and bars, help with set-building for plays, or doing the sound system at concerts, or reading in class, or going on school trips. All still valuable.

Yes, still valuable, but a public contribution, not the unrecognised grunt work expected of women like the OP. Which us why I say walk away, now, without a backward glance or twinge of guilt.

I agree

Men do a bbq shift, women tend to do the boring behind the scenes shit jobs.

Why?

*BabyGanoush

I agree

Men do a bbq shift, women tend to do the boring behind the scenes shit jobs.

Why?*

This isn't my experience. Our Chair and Vice Chair are both men and out of our committee of 20 people 9 are men.

Maybe because it is a faith primary school there is a fantastic sense of community and we are never short of volunteers. Our summer fair had over one hundred volunteers helping this year so most people just did an hour or two each so it isn't onerous. We held a Reception Disco this week for the new intake and everyone had a blast. The children get a huge amount of enjoyment from the events we put on, the parents like to feel involved with the school and the equipment we buy helps the school immensely. We raised almost £30k in the last year so we make a huge difference.

I find it really sad that so many people on this thread are so negative about their PTAs. Perhaps if you were all a bit more positive and less selfish your PTA might work more effectively.

Perhaps if you were all a bit more positive and less selfish your PTA might work more effectively.

Or perhaps people just make different choices to you? That is allowed, you know. Personally, I would never send my child to a faith school, so we obviously have very different values. That doesn't make me selfish and you wonderful, by the way. It is a diverse old world and not everyone embraces the things you appear to value. Maybe learn to be a bit more accepting?

OP, if you are still reading this, I hope you have escaped PTA hell without a backward glance

Our PTA meetings are horrendous.
I have to sit through tedious meetings at work but at least I am being paid for them.

It is a very small school so when I stopped going my absence was noted. A teacher wanted something reasonably expensive item for a new classroom which they were going to fundraise for. I bought it instead. (they wanted to do a plaque but i thought it was a bit ott so told them not to and only the teacher/ staff know who bought it).

Any way the teacher was vv grateful and I feel my guilt at lack of PTA attendance has been offset! win win!

Different choices?
The choice to let other people do all the work which everyone benefits from, whilst you do nothing?
That isn't a choice, it's selfish.

If people choose to have a shit time doing pointless dull stuff then yup, that is definitely their choice. I didn't ask them to and I don't care. Personally, I don't mind the PTA, it is up to them, but it does tick off a lot of people by inflicting a guilt trip on parents and children who would prefer they gave it a rest. In a way, that could be perceived as selfish, if you are the sort to judge people in that way (which I am not).

theansweris my dc went to a Catholic faith school and if anything it was worse for that. Dads doing the bbq, Santa and all the public manly things and the women doing all the women's work. The governor's were almost all men though, whereas the PTA was and still is afaik all women. I'm my experience of faith schools they were more traditionalist in the male/female roles than state schools.

I was on our local pre-school committee for a couple of years when DD1 started there. Very small one (15 kids), but run by a husband and wife couple. This was back in 2005-2007. Then Ofsted brought out the EYFS which meant LOTS of work for the pre-school leader who was the wife.
She decided that it was all too much and resigned. We had a committee meeting to sort out a new leader and in that meeting, the chair, the secretary and all the other members resigned on the spot!
I 'muggings' was left with the task of finding a new chair and being the secretary. Thankfully, the Treasurer was not at the meeting so couldn't resign!
It was the most stressful time I ever had! None of the parents wanted to step in, but when we told them that the pre-school would have to close they got nasty and said it would be MY FAULT!
I was in tears for weeks.
To cut a long story short, a new parent stepped in and became the chair and took lots of pressure off me. He was very efficient and for one year we had meetings nearly every week!
But I managed to sort out all the paperwork (it was a total mess before, no wonder the husband/wife team ran!), then I had to write all the policies for the pre-school to meet the new EYFS rules.
Once the committee and pre-school were settled, I resigned and NEVER helped out at the main school PTA as 'once bitten/twice shy'.

Is it half term where you are next week?

I would say your circumstances have changed and you are resigning from half term.

Volunteering can be a punishing thing at times. if you never ever volunteer nobody thinks the worst of you, they just think you are busy. But it's really difficult to stop volunteering, people think you're mean for stopping.

But don't let it get to you. If you can't cope, stop.

I had no idea the school Summer fair or school disco was the highlight of so many people's calendars until reading this thread...clearly it isn't just about raising funds for school equipment for some.

Organising those sort of events is I can imagine a lot of work but why the assumption that not doing them would somehow be a catastrophe?

I wonder if the kids really love that stuff quite as much as assumed. Yes they have fun but they also have fun at birthday parties, play dates, days out etc. And, unlike school events, they can pick who they play with rather than being thrown together with every child in class, some of whom they might not like much.

This thread makes me feel a bit sad. I went to a Pta meeting last night. We had loads of fun and wine coming up with ideas for stalls/games for the Xmas fair and allocating jobs. Everyone does a little bit and we all pitch in on the day if we can. As the teacher on our committee says, the budgets for schools have been slashed so everything we raise really helps the school out.
Yes it's hard work but everyone takes a small job and it all adds up on the day.
The kids really enjoy the events we put on as well and the fairs are a real community event. If your Pta is cliquey then get in there and shake things up. And if not don't moan when there's no money for new resources at your school.

God OP you've reminded me of when I was strong-armed into being volunteer treasurer for something similar. Five days after PFB was born by crash section under GA they had me sorting out the handover of keys for the new cleaning lady, who didn't speak any English. Did I get any thanks? Did I hell. Bastards.

plasticbertrand I had to run payroll for 8 staff and do the HMRC submission when my youngest was 6 days old. No one else would help. I'd asked for it to be outsourced to an accountant. The committee refused to authorise the expense.

I think many people on this thread don't realise how much pta's fund.

Yes, they fund parties and fetes etc which may or not be your or your child's cup of tea, so 'pointless' as another poster kindly pointed out.

But, our pta has also paid for a new library (including 1000s of books), white boards, laptops, climbing frames etc. None of which our school would have had without them. (Well, they might have had to choose between a teacher and that stuff).

I'm really glad our pta is full of kind people willing to give up their free time to help all the children. I have a lot less respect for those who can't be bothered.

How about those of us that have been completely broken by preschool committees? Any sympathy for us? Or are we just selfish fuckers for not getting over the stress, anxiety, abuse and downright exhaustion from trying to keep a preschool afloat?

Plastic and Socks - why did you do it? Why didn't you tell them to go fuck themselves? I am enraged on your behalf - why are women expected to provide unpaid labour at the expense of their own health and well being? It is bullying and it is not on. Women are conditioned to feel guilty and I think every time we say 'no' to some unreasonable request it is a small victory for our worth as people.

Yup - plenty socksrocks.
Just none for those who do fuck all volunteering ever. Not for any school, and sports club, any charity shop. Nothing to help anyone other than themselves whatsoever. Man or woman.

arethereany - that wasn't my interpretation of the posts at all. The need for extra funds and the benefits they bring are well understood and appreciated. Its how those funds are raised that is being questioned.

There doesn't seem to have been any labour/benefit assessment. If this is solely about raising funds then why aren't more schools giving parents the option to contribute financially as an alternative to volunteering (even most schools in the wealthiest parts of Surrey don't do it so can't all be down to parental income)? Wouldn't this be far more efficient and reduce the burden on PTA members of organising multiple events?

Personally I'd be happy for parents to make a contribution to the school rather than buy dd a pile of birthday presents she doesn't want or need. But that brand of altruism probably isn't very popular.

Is the PTA something every school has to have? I thought it was an American thing. I never had one at my school (some time ago!).

I really should ve done whatthese. Itwas that that made me step down after ten years on the committee. I'm still cross with them, three years on.

I got roped in as secretary - I'm self employed and lost a good months work of wages - better off leaving to those who don't work and who like organising parties as that is all it seems to boil down to.
In agreement with sara107 write a bloody cheque and have done with it!

I have helped a few times but it's not really for me.
The bossier types tended to take over. Very cliquey.

However it annoys me when they try to guilt people to join or run events. Some people have social anxiety, mental health issues, no childcare etc etc.

However many of us still help by buying tat, doing the lottery, coming to fair and spending money etc. It's annoying to spend 30 quid on tat yet be put down as not doing anything for the school.