To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

[Bananamama1213]

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

The OP said

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

So she suggested that they could come later in the day, before anyone else

I think she's getting a hard time - she only wants them to come an hour or so later so she can have some quality time with her husband and children alone. She's not saying he can't come at all

To the poster who says children are not 'public property' - you do realise we are talking about her husband's father don't you?

Or did you think FIL stands for 'random stranger'?

They could always start doing a rotation for Christmas.

One year at fil one at mil one at at home and one at her parents. Fitting her parents in on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

Somehow I don't think the op would like that

I think your PIL have realised the only time they will get near their grandkids on Christmas day is if they come so early in the morning

YABU

OP you sound like your from a family like mine, when I tell people how much time we spend together they are shocked that I actually enjoy it, as does my DH. He adores my family and how close we all are especially because he didn't come from a family like that. Whenever I think we've seen them abit too much I will try and maybe cut back abit but then DH does things like today when I came downstairs and announces he invited my parents round for lunch today.

However this is the thing. Whether or not your DH wants to spend all this time with your family is beside the point. The point is that he would also quite obviously like to see his family on Xmas day. Now I appreciate they may not be the easiest to accommodate BUT you should because that's the right thing to do in this instance, it's your way of saying thank you for making such a huge effort with my family. You maybe should just move around when you do your presents, I don't think there's any harm waking the kids up maybe 45mins early, just maybe put them to bed a little earlier.

Trust me be careful because it will end in resentment if you don't tread carefully with this.

Who is the 'he' in your last post -the last paragraph-referring to? Your father in law?

OP, your family sounds fabulous! I'd love to be in a great big mixed generational family, who all muck in and love each other's company.

But surely you can see that your DH's family are just getting the 'leftover' time? Maybe they are feeling like secondary grandparents? Perhaps FIL feels that Christmas Day is the one time of the year he can be 'first' and have his GC's undivided attention? He can be a Father Christmas figure, without having to dress in a red suit!

It doesn't sound as though your DH has much choice about how you, he and the DC spend your time. You say that he chooses to come with you to family Saturday afternoons. Maybe that's because the alternative would be for him to spend that time alone? You don't seem to be able to compromise on the amount of time you spend with your family.

OPs not saying to FIL don't come - she saying don't come at 8 am. What is wrong with that?!

"But I'm not going to wake them up earlier than they wake themselves up and spoil the rest of their day because they'll be tired."

Any excuse not to accommodate eh OP?
Yabu. It's all about you and your wondrous family that are clearly much higher priority than your dh's lot - to the point they are little more than an inconvenience you resent having to consider at all.

Time to stop thinking of your in laws as a blot on your Christmas landscape in which you appear to get your own way about everything. You say your dh gets on better with your lot than his as if that signifies something. It doesn't - they are still his parents and he still wants them to feature in the day. You have a brass neck being so dismissive of their inclusion.

It's all about compromise...get up an hour earlier to enjoy the present opening alone if it means so much to you to do it as a family unit...although this whinging about needing family time seems outrageous considering how much of Christmas you spend with your family.

In short, stop being so bloody selfish.

As an asides...use 'hubby' if you like. I do.
The reactions you get to it on here are so childish. It's a trend on MN to shudder at it, and like a herd of sheep, many posters on here make a point of doing so. Hubby is fine...it's an expression that millions of people who aren't on mumsnet use without being castigated. Carry on.

Dear God...who would have sons?

YANBU. Visiting at 8am on Christmas morning seems very unreasonable to me. That's YOUR family time with you, DH and DCs. Especially not FiL opening their presents for them and bringing random strangers. This sounds a bit 'at their convenience and pleasure' to me.

Several people have suggested seeing ILs after they go swimming or on Christmas Eve, which seems very reasonable. Even better, if you could alternate Christmas lunch with your DPs and ILs.

Even better, if you could alternate Christmas lunch with your DPs and ILs

Doubt OP would do that....

I would tell them that they are getting older and as they wake up later they can come later - say 10am. They can save a couple to open if they can bear it.

I don't understand this. You have proposed to DH (please don't use hubby, it makes me feel ill) that FIL comes later in the morning after his swim. So does this mean he will be at yours the same time as MIL? Is that a problem? Can she still come? It really does sound like you want everything your own way and PILS are to be allocated 20 minutes somewhere if you absolutely have to.

Christmas Day - we get up whenever children do (I'm usually first one up at 7 because I'm excited). FIL comes at 8-9:45. MIL comes either lunchtime or early afternoon. We go to my mums around 2-3pm.

So what time could he come then? Presumably, the swim takes at least an hour and he would have to be gone from your house before your MIL arrives? So if she is there at lunchtime, he would need to be at yours by, what 10.30? Would that fit in with his swim plans?

This is why everybody should stay in their own homes for Christmas dinner.
There wouldn't be any family fallouts. No stress. It would be like a nice relaxed Sunday roast, only with more trimmings.

My advice to any newly weds would be this:

From that very first christmas together, start having Christmas dinner at your own house, on your own.
Start as you mean to go on.
It saves a lot of hassle further down the line.

I wish I'd done that.

Hubby is fine...it's an expression that millions of people who aren't on mumsnet use

Sadly.

Back on topic - Whilst 8am is early, your Christmas is unbalanced. Your husband clearly wants to address that ( a bit) what do you propose?

Just imagine a future in which your grown up dc and granddc have no time for you at Christmas because their spouse prefers to allocate the whole thing to their own family.
Do you like the thought of that?

OP, if you want to spend an hour alone with your DCs, it's time with your family that needs to be cut back, not your DH's. Is there any reason you can't do this other than you don't want to?

And in future I would alternate Christmas with your ILs to make it fair because it currently isn't.

Honestly, you sound really controlling. You can't always have things exactly the way you want it because there are other people you need to consider. It isn't all about you.

Hubby is fine...it's an expression that millions of people who aren't on mumsnet use

Absolutely. It's no more cringe worthy that DH, which I personally hate with a passion and refuse to use.

"OP, if you want to spend an hour alone with your DCs, it's time with your family that needs to be cut back, not your DH's."

Absobloodylutely. It's a total no brainer!

I just don't get the hared for 'hubby' at all. It's totally random.

Usually when I have a lot of reasons not to do something, it's because I don't want to do it.

Just imagine a future in which your grown up dc and granddc have no time for you at Christmas because their spouse prefers to allocate the whole thing to their own family.
Do you like the thought of that?

Exactly!!!

Hubby is fine...it's an expression that millions of people who aren't on mumsnet use I have never heard anyone use this term in RL - is it a Northern thing? It sets my teeth on edge. Really cringy, sorry.

*hatred