To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

No I haven't ever pinched a mans bum (apart from partners) nor made inappropriate comments

Goingtobeawesome I started the thread because recent event have made me think of a lot of horrible situations that myself and other women I know have been in.

I'm genuinely interested to hear if women have never ever experienced an assault or harassment. Also perhaps it might open somebody's eyes to what goes on.

Also fwiw rather than women running around making false accusations, most women I know never report incidents and downplay them.

That is not minor, FH

octopus hands sports coach.
verbal from boys in school.
bum pinched at work by customer.

Also, the various gropings and flashings (and more I won't detail) that I've endured, not pleasant despite my own thick skin but I would hate for my daughter to have to shrug and accept this. So if you have a thick skin great but we shouldn't have to have a thick skin, and, not everybody does.

Yerbutnobut it's got nothing to do with being friendly.

I've been hassled even when I've been particularly unfriendly.

Once I was catching the bus home from college wearing jeans and a polo neck when a man came and sat next to me and asked me to go to a party with him, I ignored him and eventually he starting calling me a slag and a bitch in a 99p outfit and blocked me from getting off the bus.

Also fwiw rather than women running around making false accusations, most women I know never report incidents and downplay them

This

Yes

Groped when on a night out, more times than I can count
Boss touched me up - this happened several times with different bosses
Assaulted (don't know how far it went) by random guy who came into my bedroom in uni halls
Beeped, wolf whistled, verbal harassment
Coerced into sex - loads
Anal rape

It's so sad that my experience isn't particularly unusual

A man with a hard on followed my around a card shop and pressed himself against me multiple times. Also me and a friend were followed home from a club while at university by a man wanking.

And to add, I was very much a clubber from 17-21 usually out and off my face wearing the shortest of dresses etc twice a week. To fund this, my friend and I decided paying for cabs was silly. So we would wander around at closing asking for a lift (which we always got) and yet neither of us were ever assaulted or expected to "pay back in kind" these lifts. I know how high risk and stupid that was btw - but it is all about the aggressor, not the victim.

I am glad you started the thread OP.

It's awful to read other people's experiences but I do think it is helpful lumping the 'smaller' things in with the bigger things to see how these 'smaller' things all contribute.

So many men think it is ok to do what they want to women. I have many wonderful men in my life but know so many who think they can take what they want, think they are free to touch, cat call, basically treat women like they are nothing. Too many women minimise it because they think it's normal or not too bad. It took me years and years to realise what my neighbour did to me was awful. I was 13, a child! For so long I thought it was my fault.

My son was sexually assaulted by males in college. Except the police said it wasn't sexual assault it was banter. Even though it was against another male they still made excuses for the wankers who did it. My son went from a confident young lad to a young man with rock bottom self esteem and is fearful of meeting new people.

But it's ok, it was just banter.

I've had to deal with unwanted sexual advances on many occasions in my long life from teenage boys to my own disgusting step father when I was married and in my own house!..but am not prepared to nor do I have the time to describe them here. And it started when I was only months old so very painful to talk about. It nearly broke my mother when she discovered it.

I have known so many women [heterosexual/bisexual/lesbian] in my lifetime and I would say that practically all of them could tell a story of some sort of abuse, assaults and unwanted groping etc. as children, teens and adults. Some stories I've heard have made me cry.

So I think the OP is right, and it has been something I've thought myself.

I've been catcalled whilst walking down the street then had abuse hurled at me when I didn't give the required response.

I've been groped on nights out, including by one chap who grabbed both my breasts and twisted them hard enough to leave marks and having various men try to put their hands up my skirt/down my trousers.

I was pawed at endlessly whilst working at a pub in my late teens and early 20s.

At 6th form I was repeatedly groped and forcibly kissed by one particular lad who wouldn't leave me alone. During the same period I also had repeated inappropriate physical contact from a teacher who my brain still tries to fucking excuse because he protected me from bullies.

It makes me very sad that despite that list I've got off very lightly compared to so many women

I have too. I was about 19 and a man sitting opposite me on a tube starting wanking whilst staring straight at me.

I was so scared and just froze. No one did or said anything.

One of my dds has been very seriously sexually assaulted. I feel so so angry about it and also so sad for her.

I was going to say no, i haven't been sexually assaulted.

Reading the thread reminded me i have though, by a female.

I was in my bike waiting at a red light when a teenage girl grabbed my vulva and made intimate contact.

I do often think if i should have reported it, at least to the school (in school uniform). Would a sexual assault by a female be taken as seriously as if they had been male though?

I have not been sexually assaulted by a male.

OP my post was snippy, sorry. I just found it a hard topic and should have hidden it and not asked you to justify your starting this thread. I know it's my issue .

Sadly I have also experienced it, my violent ex would force me to have sex every day, had to fake orgasm to make him stop. He also raped me after I managed to leave him.

Also two male friends forced me to have sex with them (different times in my life) and also had a much older man (a colleague) kiss me when I though he was just being nice offering me a lift home to save me catching the bus.

I've never told anyone about any of that as I feel so ashamed that I let it happen.

To answer the OP: yes. Multiple times, in all kinds of situations. In nightclubs, on a minibus, on a cycle path, at a swimming pool, in a park, and outside a pub. At night time when everyone's had a drink, at 8am on my way to college, and on my lunch break from work. I've had my boobs grabbed, my bum smacked, my head pushed against a wall and forcibly french kissed, erections rubbed against me, and been masturbated in front of. Starting from the age of 12.

In answer to this: how many of you/your friends have lead a man on and then accused them of harassment? Never.

At about 11-12 stuff happened with my cousin. Cant remember exact age,or most of the things,just small flashbacks and smells
At 13 my classmates tried to rape me
At 14 my grandad asked if he could cop a feel,"come on just a little touch" of my breasts.
At 15 a guy put a blade to my face and demanded i go with him.
At 17 my maths tutor felt me up in a room with 4 other students.
At 24 my boss hit touched me and hit on me,i rejected him and surprise surprise i was fired a week later.
Plus all the other stuff in the op

Had bum groped in nightclub - forcibly removed boys hand three times before he got message.

Had bra snapped a couple of times.

Been mooned at.

Depends where you draw the line as to what constitutes sexual abuse.

No never experienced anything like that

Mums, and others, really sad stories, it makes me so angry.

And yes, same here, including rape at 14 (by 18 year old) and coerced sex. Depressingly too many times to recount it all, it would be far too long a post.

I seriously don't know any female friends who haven't experienced sexual assault and/or harassment at some point. I never ever reported anything, neither have they.

It took me years to get angry about this kind of treatment of women by men, like so many pps have said, you're just conditioned to it, but now I am bloody furious. I really wish I'd had some of this anger in my younger days.

No never had anything, all men I've been around have understood "no" when I've said it and never had unwanted advances off people. I was a virgin until I was 23 and fooled around with quite a few men but they all stopped when I asked. My female friends haven't had anything either. I realise from reading that we've been lucky though.

Coulddowithanap It is they who should be ashamed.

Everyday Sexism Project