To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

I was groped (full hand between my legs) by a colleague who must have been pushing 30 in my Saturday job when I was 13.

I was raped by someone I was heavy petting with when I was 15. That was the night I lost my virginity.

My boss launched himself on me after a boozy lunch when I was in my late 20's and he was in his early 50's.

maddie Being sober will not stoo you from being raped. Please do not take the moral high ground because you don't know what'll happen to you do you.
I was raped by my exh in front of my dd I was sober but powerless. When you have been pushed to the ground and had your knickers torn off maddie please come back and tell us all about it
You won't be so superior when you have bruises on your thighs, facial injuries and are bleeding from forced penetration while trying to console a small child will you

Yes
And every woman I know well has too.
A male friend used my hand to wank himself off whilst I was asleep at a party when I was 17. I woke up.
Multiple men grabbing my bum, breasts, crotch and saying disgusting sexual comments. Taking pictures of me, trying to force me to kiss them.
Waking up to a different male acquaintance laying next to me masturbating.

I'm old and invisible now thank god, but have experienced numerous sexual assaults and harassment from a young age. It peaked between the ages of 12-17, I couldn't get on a bus without a 30+ male stroking, touching, licking or kissing me. There are too many other events to detail.

My crime was to have a tiny body with very large breasts. For some reason men seemed to be under the impression that because they found my body overtly sexual then I must be hyper sexual and was crying out to be treated as some kind of porn star. Unfortunately for me in my head I was a naive and immature girl, well I was a child after all. I had absolutely no way of dealing with this attention and internalises this by hating my body and wanting a breast reduction for years.

I spent most of my teens in a state of fear of men and Wolf whistling might seem harmless to some of you but at the time it scared me witless. Out of my peers I still think I got of lucky, so many of them were raped. Oddly enough, of the men who I know to be responsible for raping some of my friends or family members not one has faced charges.

NC
It most definitely is not your fault

Men need to learn that just because there's a hole available doesn't mean they have a right to stick their dick in it

And on the whole most men have learned that. Pity there are still many slime balls in the world

Haven't had time to read the entire thread, sorry, but for those who are feeling uspet that it was their fault for being drunk, has anyone posted the link for the cup of tea analogy?

It sounds a silly thing but it's the first time, when I read it, that I really got my head around the 'drunk' thing not being the blame-lying-with-me issue that I had thought it was.

Can anyone savvier than me link to it, if you know what i'm talking about? Just in case it helps anyone who has posted on here?

Portia that's horrific, I hope you are safe from him now

ncforthis i'm so sorry to read that. You are NOT to blame for the actions of those men and you are not dirty. Everyone has a past, many of us have been drunk but you did not deserve or ask to have someone have sex with you against your will. I'm here for you.

Yes indeed. I've been drunk many many times and lucky enough not to be in the presence of a rapist. Conversely, most men I know have been in the presence of drunk women and managed not to rape them.

Please excuse my poor SPAG
These things are difficult to type

Somedaymyprince - you are of course correct. It matters not one iota whether you were drunk or sober - just that the remarkable number of assaults that happen when women are sober suggests that being drunk cannot be blamed.

Maddie's post has been deleted now- for the victim-blaming claptrap it was.

I divorced the bastard

Portia, that's so horrific. I know you've been affected by the CE threads too.

Apologies if it's already been posted on this thread.

Hope it helps anyone who still thinks their drunkenness was the cause of their rape/assault

"Grabbed by the pussy" for me. Complete stranger, broad daylight, busy street.

Some of you are terrible people.

Like who?

Yes.
The most clear memory is of my college days in Bombay. I got stuck in a crowd outside a train station and the men around me groped me everywhere. It was a nightmare! I came out of that crowd after lots of pushing and shoving and I managed to get hold of at least one guy who definitely groped me. I confronted him and he got aggressive and pushed me but I fought back. He however had more strength than me and held both my wrists so tightly that I had red marks left on them. So many people saw the incident but not a single one intervened. I didn't report it to the police because I knew they'd be useless.
I also had a friend who was sitting in a bus and because it was crowded, there were many people standing. A man standing behind her seat had unzipped himself and was touching his penis on her shoulder. In a crowded bus! She didn't report it either.
And all this in a big metropolitan city like Bombay.

every day i think i am hardened to very stupid people saying very stupid things

And then i come on threads like this and see posts like that and think

Nope...there is always further to go

I've read some others comments now and I'm disgusted but not surprised at what I hear.

I've had--

1. A man follow me and my friend home from the shop. We realised and ran, he ran after us and eventually we got to her Dads house and he scared them off. Aged 10.
2. Many having my legs or butt touched.
3. Forced to have my hand placed on a mans privates. Maybe 5 or 6 times?
4. Having my breasts and my vulva cupped through my pants and being forced to touch my boyfriend of a week- he was going to rape me (aged 13)

.5 gave oral as my boyfriend from preious post had decided he loved me and couldn't control himself. At my parents he tried to force me into sex and he said he would make me so gave him oral instead. Lost my virginity to him a week later as I was scared he'd hurt when forcing me.

1. Same boyfriend held me down whilst in our relationship
2. A few men passing comments I deserved some of the above and other things
3. A 'friend' stuck his fingers in me whilst asleep and drunk. I woke up but pretended to be asleep
4. I'm married and have been engaged for a while I've had a few makes I know pester/incite me doing something with them especially leading up to the wedding

10,m. My male 'friend' threatened to rape me. He was in a bad place as his Dad just died and he blamed me but it angered me . I normally freeze but I was just so angry. Our mutual friend interceded and as the young say 'ripped him a new one'.

The most terrible bits is that I nearly got punished for punching someone in the nuts when they did this in school. I laid into the PE teacher big time over it.

I also had a picture of me that had been stolen a few times off another bloke so boyfriend, then ex, then a guy who fancies me. They did indecent things with it. To this day it disgusts me (I was 14... )

I also had my then boyfriend mentioned in a few points up there get me drunk at 17 (he was 21) and taped us... Having sex. As I was drunk and pretty badly so I was into it but I was clearly drunk. I was also underage. As you guess when we finally broke up (for good reasons) he showed it to a few mates and also posted it online.

My sister phoned him and ripped into him about the law as she had a law facing role and he took them down but as we all know, nothing is ever completely got from the web. It's also illegal as I was under 18. This was 9 years ago though so no revenge poor law.

That was cathartic getting that all off my chest actually - wondering how I have any self esteem at all.

Well done to all those who have got stronger

Several times. Not RTFT, but fuck the fuck off to the victim blaming, spineless, pig-ignorant posters whose responses I did read, amongst the posts from victims.

The first time I was assaulted I didn't have a fuck off face, wasn't drunk, wearing tight clothing, out after dark or any of the myriad of other reasons people would rather believe than simply that society treats women like lesser human beings.

I was five, and in school.

I hope your daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces are luckier than I was.

Well I hope maddie never becomes a victim

Ncforthis it was not your fault,you are not dirty. A woman can very very rarely prevent rape. The only ones that can prevent rape 100% are the rapists. Just by being there,drunk or not does not cause rape. A man not giving a shit about boundaries and women as people,shoving his dick in you without consent causes rape.

I have been sexually assaulted and also harassed. If I am honest the sexual assault (rape) is not what has actually affected me later in life, that was dealt with at the time, the police were brilliant and took it very seriously but also dealt with it how I wanted.

I have experienced a couple of unpleasant encounters, one was my work experience boss who groped me at a work party (he was about 30 years older than me, groped me and put his tongue mouth). I pushed him off and he gave me awful report, even said on my report to college that my skirt was too short. Maybe it was, I was 17 and thought it was fine. I was a good worker and actually worked there for 10 years after that (not for him). Looking back I have no idea why I didn't report him I think I thought that it was normal, this was 20 years ago.

Another encounter was at the same place, I had a relationship on the back of that work experience with a man 22 years my senior, he was a senior member of staff. When his family (incl XW) found out they made my life hell, I was a slag etc. I seduced him as I was 17 so how could he resist, even he turned on me. It was awful but I did believe them all and completely blamed myself. It was only a couple of years ago I realised how wrong it all was and that I wasn't to blame. He is a granddad of a child at DSs school and it brought it all back when I saw him.

Some of you are terrible people.

What do you mean by this, DamageControl?