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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you get up early for work and you have young Dc.....

88 replies

StrongTeaHotShower · 14/10/2016 07:10

Does your partner get up to take care of dc whilst you get ready or do they stay in bed till you've gone?

I do shift work so am up between 5:30 - 6:00 am and this mostly coincides with dd's 2yrs waking. She will need usual morning care as in night nappy off help to toilet, demands for milk and breakfast and for books on the sofa. I have a small amount of time to get ready and wish my partner would get up and tend to her but he stays in bed till I go (He says he gets up as soon as I'm gone so I have to take his word for it).
I've asked him to help out so I'm not late but he's not changed a thing.
AIBU to expect this especially as he work late?

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 14/10/2016 07:13

How late does he work?

RavioliOnToast · 14/10/2016 07:13

Who looks after DD between you going and him getting up?

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 14/10/2016 07:14

He gets in about midnight a few days a week. His not getting up in the morning does not change whether he's been working late or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 14/10/2016 07:15

He says he gets up the moment I shut the front door.

OP posts:
TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 14/10/2016 07:16

That is so not acceptable.
I would start putting her into bed beside him and let him sort her out.

Bonnie152 · 14/10/2016 07:16

But different as we both leave for work around the same time but yes DH helps out a lot in the mornings. I get up at 5:30 and have til 6 to get ready. Meanwhile he gets dressed and goes down to get breakfast ready on the table and wake up the DC (1 and 3). Then we both pitch in.

BUT if DH didn't have to leave at the same time I would absolutely expect help with the DC to get ready and he would do it without me asking I think, same the other way around on my days off.

Sounds frustrating!

mrsblackcat · 14/10/2016 07:17

I think he should help, although I'd cut him some slack if he'd been in at midnight.

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 14/10/2016 07:17

She doesn't want him in the morning because he's incredibly irritable first thing. Instead she follows me round to the point of getting in the shower with me!

OP posts:
HorridHenrietta2 · 14/10/2016 07:19

This is normal for working parents though, isn't it? I'm a single parent and have always juggled getting myself and ds ready. It's hard, I sympathise but, if I'm reading this right he cares for the children all day then works and doesn't get home until midnight? So he'd be getting very little sleep?

GreatFuckability · 14/10/2016 07:20

I wouldn't want to get up at 5.30 if I didn't get in until midnight, if I'm honest. But that said I would expect him to be up before I left!

MrsDallowaySaid · 14/10/2016 07:21

I get up at 6 and leave just after 7. I get DD ready so she has breakfast and her clothes laid out and so on, then I leave. DH then gets up and takes her to school about 15 minutes later. On the mornings I take her to school I still get up and do it all and he just gets up and goes. I'd love him to help but I am a naturally early riser and he is naturally a night owl and he usually goes to bed about midnight. He has all the lie ins but I get all the lovely weekend afternoon naps Grin

TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 14/10/2016 07:22

But she doesn't have the choice if you need to get ready and want him to step up.
You need to tell her you are busy getting ready for work, quick cuddles before you go then hand her over to him.
Do you believe him about getting up?

Whocansay · 14/10/2016 07:22

My DH is out of the house before we get up, so I do all the mornings in the week. He does more after school, and at the weekends we share. I'm happy with that. Would something like that work for you?

Matchingbluesocks · 14/10/2016 07:25

I wouldn't dream of looking after her. That's his shift. I do evenings. You have to be firm

00100001 · 14/10/2016 07:25

Change the routine too. Stop with the book reading if you don't have time.
Ask DH to get up before you go to work, maybe use the reading time to do a handover of sorts. He would only have to get up maybe 15-20 mins earlier.

MaryMarigold · 14/10/2016 07:25

If DD isn't leaving the house with you, why is she having breakfast and books on the sofa at 5.30am? There's no reason for her to be up so early, she's 2 years not 2 months. Maybe give her some milk and then put her to bed with DH!! I don't think he's unreasonable for not wanting to get up at that time when there's really no need.

AndieNZ · 14/10/2016 07:26

On the days he works late and doesn't get home until midnight I would not expect him to get up with you and see to the kids so you can get ready uninterrupted. If you are getting up at 5.30 you would definitely be going to bed much earlier than after midnight wouldn't you?

But on the days he doesn't work late I would say he should get up and help out with the getting ready.

Artandco · 14/10/2016 07:29

AT 5.30 am I wouldn't be letting child up tbh as it's way to early. So I would expect your Dh to be with her either resettling to sleep in her bed, or taking into your bed and trying to get her to resettle or at least lay down quietly with him as it's 'bedtime'. Any time before 7am is treated as night here

thecatsarecrazy · 14/10/2016 07:34

No he should help. My dh needs a push in the right direction sometimes but when he used to work till midnight or 1 am he would still be up just before 7 to help with the boys and take them to school.

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 14/10/2016 07:39

He only works this late about 4 times a week but he won't get up for any early mornings. I tried to get him to get up on the mornings after no work but it's not working. Dd will simply refuse to go back to sleep once she's up and will not want her dad, just me.

He gets to sleep for a couple of hours whilst she's in nursery in the morning. I'm being a bit unreasonable I know.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/10/2016 07:41

I work shifts. Dh does all the morning stuff when I'm working early, I'm gone before the dses wake.

When I'm on lates or off, I get up and do the morning stuff so dh can get to work.

Your dh should get up IMO.

daisiesinherfootsteps · 14/10/2016 07:43

If DD doesn't need to be up and out the house early too, I'd be trying to get her to sleep later. Failing that, I would stick her in bed with your DH with TV/iPad so he can snooze longer but you can get ready uninterrupted. Needs must.

I have sympathy with him on the days when he's only finished at midnight, but not the rest. Id also be concerned about his claim of getting up as soon as you leave. Not that he's lying but, if he's half asleep/snoozing, 15 minutes can seem like 1min. That's a long time to leave a toddler unsupervised.

NapQueen · 14/10/2016 07:44

Dh gets up at 6.45 along with both our dc (2 & 5) and manages to get himself ready for work and get them the odd few bits. He wakes me with a brew 5 mins before he leaves.

I am out til midnight too.

You are up anyways. Just pop her on the loo and then sit her on the sofa with a cartoon and a beaker of milk.

FurryLittleTwerp · 14/10/2016 07:44

My DH never helped in the mornings when DS was small. He preferred to stay in bed "to keep out of the way" Hmm while I ran about like a blue-arsed fly.

He likes to stay in bed till the last possible minute, by which time I'm up, showered, dressed & have left for work. Every few weeks he is on call & has to be in work an hour earlier, going out half an hour before me, so I am expected to change my routine to accommodate this, including making coffee earlier so he can drink it before he has a shower. So selfish.

I don't change my routine, but I do put cold water in his coffee so he can drink it faster.

He never makes the coffee - if I'm away he gets one at work Confused

I'm not so mean as to make myself a drink without making him one - perhaps I ought to be.

Poocatcherchampion · 14/10/2016 07:47

I am never prepared to get up at 0530 regardless of what time I worked til.

Dh gets up at 6 to work, sometimes he has a DC with him from about 7 as a favour to me but mostly he gets on with it.